The Tylers

postive consequences

2012-01-31T20:51:00.000-08:00

Lately I have been working on positive thoughts. Most of you know me as a pretty up beat, happy person- which is also what I consider myself (then again, I use to consider myself fearless, organized, and losing weight- all of which I have recently discovered I am not-- so maybe what I consider myself should not count). But I have been reading some articles dealing with thoughts that has made me wonder. Is what is in my head different than what comes out of my mouth? Or are some of my own negative thoughts even escaping my lips? And if so- what is this doing to me as a person?

I have been working on a little exercise to try to stop negative thoughts as soon as I have them. But not just that- I want to produce positive thoughts as well.

A conversation between Katie and JT this evening:

Katie: Babe, I am dying here! I just want to BAKE something- and EAT something baked right now!!!
(thought bubble: don't do it, Katie, you are "giving your body better care"!)

JT: uh, ok, sorry about that.
(confused look because he just doesn't get the intense desire to bake!)

2 hours later:
Katie: (thought bubble, but maybe out loud, nobody was home to know if this was in my head or out loud)
Way to go, Me! I didn't BAKE and therefore, I did not EAT an entire batch of anything baked! I am awesome!

(Here is a good example of my new Positive Thought Pattern. Not only did I have the good thought (not to BAKE and EAT an entire batch of Cinnamon Rolls) but then Congratulating myself on a mini victory! Also a good example of how I like to ignore every English rule I ever learned, by adding parenthesis, dashes--, and whatever other strange grammatical mistake I can whenever I feel like it.)

5 minutes later:
Knock on my door.
Friend brings these.

No, my friend is not lame for taking a bite out of that cookie before she gave it to me, that is me diving in before I realized that this was a blogworthy moment.

Is this a Positive Consequence or what?! Apparently all I have to do is THINK something POSITIVE and it will show up at my front door!

Right Now:
Katie: (Thought Bubble: ok, out loud, let's face it- just because I am alone I am still not quiet) Go me! Positive thinking will get you whatever you want! Wait, what else do I want??? Hurry before it wears off!

my first thought:
Someone to come mop my floors :)

any time now, people...

The moral of this story is: I am giving my body better care by having other people bring me yumminess so that I won't eat the entire batch- just ~~the entire plate~~ one. Talk about Positive Consequences.

Do you think JT will read this Blog and find out there was a plate of cookies here tonight??

My Word

2012-01-26T20:34:00.000-08:00

If you read my last post then you also went to Aubrey's Blog and you are basically waiting next to your computer, checking your phone, or staring at my blog waiting for this post. Don't deny it. Your life can't go on until you know what my Word is for this year. You can hardly think about anything other than my expectations and resolutions for 2012. So, without further ado... or much more further ado. I give you my first ever word. Not sentence. (hey, this is hard for a girl whose only talent is the use of her words through talking and writing and joking- to just have one word!) Just a word.

Give

(If I were Aubrey- and super awesome - I would have a really pretty picture and some cool photo shop stuff to make that word stand out. But alas, you are reading my blog, and not Aubrey's. So you know there will be nothing of craft or talent. Just a word. With the handy "italics" option. Give.)

This has resonated with me since I read her post a few weeks ago. I even considered just stealing her word and committing a little plagiarism to kick off the new year, but something about that seemed like bad karma. :) Instead I looked back on 2011 and the one word that might describe last year. My mind was filled with all of the kindness we received. From people in NY willing to help me find housing in case we moved there. To friends changing Macie's diapers and mopping my floors when I hurt my back. And of course Christmas- and everything that went into that. The word that came to me for 2011 was Gratitude. (In fact I made my first ever craft idea "The Grateful Board" that I look at every day!) So it is only fitting if 2012 is filled with Giving.

So here is what I want to Give this year--

Give my Attention to my children

Give my Heart to JT

Give my Thoughts to prayer

Give my Time to those who need me

Give my Energy to my calling at church

Give my Talents an opportunity to improve

Give my Forgiveness to those who have Hurt me

Give my Body better care

Give my Love wherever I can

This year I hope to need less. I have to say- Needing was good for me this year. Humbling. Touching. Difficult. But I feel like I have everything I could ask for. Three fun adorable kids who light up each day. A wonderful, thoughtful, kind husband who understands and adores me. Acceptance to one of the best P.A. schools around. Friends- who are real. Money- ok, ok, I don't have that- but I don't lack it as much as many others in the world. Faith- which caries me through and gives me hope. So - if I can't ask for anything more - it must be time to give.

I plan to keep a Journal where I can write down the "thing" that I gave that day. And maybe sometimes- let you all know-- since you will probably be waiting on the edge of your computer desk for an update. I hope it is filled with little phrases about giving a meaningful hug to my kids when they were hurt (or even fake hurt, which is often the case at our house), or that I gave my time to a friend by watching her kids while she was at a doctor's appointment- or even better- while she was out shopping because she just needed a break! or that I gave my Body a happy day by drinking enough water and driving past the drive thru instead of thru the drive thru, or that I gave JT my heart by thinking of his needs before my own.

Just saying the word give is making me smile already.

I think it is going to be a great year.

The Word

2012-01-23T20:15:00.000-08:00

About a year ago I met a very talented woman who has really inspired me this past year. And I just fell in love with her New Year's Resolution. So in love - that I decided it was worthy of a post on my own blog! :) Really, you need to read it. And then think of your own "word". I am still working on mine, but I promise- my New Year's Resolution will be up here before February :)

Aubrey Annie: word

Thank you Aubrey for an inspiring thoughtful post!

enjoy

Overcoming My Fears

2012-01-17T20:49:00.000-08:00

I am a chicken.

It is just that simple. Of course, this is information I have only discovered in myself within the past few years. Until then, I had considered myself fearless. I am not afraid to speak in public. I was not afraid to go on a mission to a foreign country. (Ok, ok, I was afraid of the spiders and cockroaches) I was not afraid to hitch hike, pee in the middle of I-5 during rush hour, ride on the back of motorcycles and whatever other thing I should have been afraid to do...

No, not me, I am afraid of Spiders.

and Heights

and of breaking a major Bone in my body

and of Falling off of strange things

and of Bikes

( JT has been helping with that one ever since we discovered that fear on our Honeymoon)

and of Ski Lifts

and Fire in any form

(except camp fires, where the pyro in my family genes comes out)

Oh, and I am afraid of Wiggly Teeth. (we'll come back to that one later)

One thing I am not afraid of is Adventure. I think about it all the time. You all know the heartbreak I went through at the loss of moving to NY and having a Big Adventure. (which by the way- this flurry of snow we have had in Washington makes me very grateful we are not in upstate NY!) I was recently attempting to explain this need to my in-laws when my mother in law pointed out that maybe my adventure in life would be raising three children... ( *crickets* awkward silence*)

To a girl who Fears Groundhog Day and the idea of doing the same dirty dishes, cleaning the same high chair, and matching the same piles of socks everyday-- the idea of this being my adventure in life was a little disheartening. Can't I raise three children while living in South Africa and eating "pop"? Can't I bring my kids on my adventure to learn to speak Spanish in Puerto Rico? Can't my children be in the audience when I accept my Oscar for Best Actress? Is there a way to have adventure AND raise my children?

Since this conversation a few weeks ago- I have been noticing ways that living right here, in Washington, next door to my home town, raising my three kids, with little or no death defying excitement -- I can still have adventure.

And last night- I found one such adventure. And I overcame a major fear.

That's right, that was Me- not only touching a loose, wiggly tooth, but actually pulling it out! I am amazing! (You can tell by my reaction that I was the only person who thought I was amazing. Riley didn't even realize I had pulled it out till I found it on her tongue and handed it to her) There I was- on a random Monday night, having dinner with my family- when an adventure struck. An opportunity to do something I have never done before! (isn't that the very definition of adventure? "an exciting or unusual experience") A chance to overcome a fear- and triumph. So maybe it isn't living on a sail boat in the Pacific, or homeschooling my kids on a Safari, or moving to Hollywood to pursue a career in acting, but I am still having adventures.

Next stop: Spiders.

(ok, ok, I have tried that one before... I will always be afraid of spiders)

Special Acknowledgements:

Thanks to Riley for being my assistant, prop, and test child in this video and in life.

Thanks to JT for his powerful cinematography.

Thanks to my Dad for being the Master Tooth Puller. It was like hearing Yoda in the background when I realized all I had to do was twist the tooth and it would pop out. And for passing that gene on to me.

Thanks to Miss Ashlee who prepped Riley to know that it would bleed so she didn't freak out.

Thanks to my mom who helped me sew an adorable Tooth Fairy Pillow.

Thanks to everyone else who made this possible- including a Tooth Fairy that left Riley a $1 bill and two Quarters, to which Riley was excited for the quarters and Blake was excited for "the Ticket!" (which is what he called the dollar bill, apparently he will not be in the Financial Business when he grows up)

"Riley got a ticket!"

"The Someday Game"

2012-01-12T20:24:00.000-08:00

One of our Favorite Games to play right now is called:

"Someday, when you Graduate from P.A. School...."

and then we fill in the blank with whatever wonderful thing we want to do when he graduates.

Let's play, it's fun.

Someday....

We can go on a Cruise to the Bahamas.

I can buy Lancome mascara again.

We will take the kids to Disneyland!

We can move somewhere sunny. (as long as all of our friends vow to move with us)

I will buy Lilash.

I can redecorate the entire house exactly how I want it!

I will get a tummy tuck :)

We will have more time together.

See, this game could go on forever. But when I reread the list I have to remind myself that he will not be Winning the Lotto-- he will simply have a steady income! :) I recently read my sister in law's blog talking about waiting for her husband's residency to be over. Although she didn't post her wish list of all the fun things she wants to do when they are "rich" (rich being in parenthesis because I realize we will not be millionaires-- at least not yet) she did mention how easy it is to be waiting for the next phase in life and not completely loving the phase you are in. She even referenced a really great article about this- As for years.

So here we are- two years from completing P.A. school (ok, 4 months from even beginning P.A. school!) and I have already figured out how to spend his first 10 pay checks! (without paying back any of the student loans:) But I don't want to get caught looking at "the end" and missing the middle.

How can I have my cake and eat it too? Take out more student loans to go on that cruise now? (ok, bad idea, but tempting...) I need to enjoy what I have and where I am. After a particularly difficult budgeting night for us last week I was really bummed out. My list for "things to buy when he graduates" was astronomical. I was so frustrated. (the funny thing is- my list is full of really dumb things that I am the only one who cares about! not important things like New Washing Machine- but petty things like designer boots) And then JT did some random, sweet thing. (for the life of me, I can not even remember what it was!) The list vanished. The "somedays" were gone. And suddenly I was sucked right back in to the Now. I saw how wonderful life is Right Now. I have the world's sweetest husband - who happens to adore me! I have 3 fun kids- who drive me crazy--- but that is not going to change even if we do Win the Lotto! I have great things in my life now. Not just in two years when "this" is all over.

Even a couple years ago- I was going through a really rough spot with the P.A. school rejection, finances tightening, and life just getting hard. I cried a lot. I wondered how I would look back on those months, if I actually survived them. But when I do look back- I see those as the months when Macie was a new born who snuggled me all the time. I see a time when JT loved me deeply and was sincerely concerned for my happiness. I see a time when I felt the Savior's love so tenderly.

These next few years shouldn't be a waiting period filled with hours of playing "The Someday Game." They are meant to be lived and enjoyed!
(And maybe I can splurge on my Mascara every now and then!)

Happy Groundhog Day!

2012-01-04T22:22:00.000-08:00

Happy Groundhog Day!

What?! I know, you are thinking- Katie, did you skip New Year's all together? no. In fact, I am planning on coming back to that later. I am still carefully sorting through my list of resolutions- but I really needed to Celebrate Groundhog Day first :)

How do you celebrate Groundhog Day?

This is what my children are doing right now. Pretty perfect, huh? This is how I celebrate Groundhog Day.

It all began years ago when my "college roommates" loved the Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day. (I should first explain that they were my "college roommates" - in quotation marks - because they attended BYU and I was college age - but I was not attending BYU so they are not technically my college roommates... I needed to make that clear in case any annoying snobs from my past are still correcting the fact that I did not attend BYU but merely lived in Provo;) So these roommates loved the movie Groundhog Day. You know that weird thing where you get obsessed with a movie and feel the need to quote, reenact, and torture others with it? Like Princess Bride, Monty Python, and now apparently Groundhog Day. They watched it all the time, and one lonely Friday night I conceded to join them. Ugghh! It almost killed me! It was painful watching someone relive the same day over and over and over and over again! Every time the alarm clock struck 6:00a.m. I winced. I became anxious and felt the need to run screaming from our apartment. Not because of Bill Murry (although he wasn't helping) but because the idea of that kind of monotony was suffocating to me.

A few years later (in my immaturity) as others around me grew up and began having kids and I persisted in the fun adventures of being single - I witnessed what I thought was a real life version of that painful movie: Motherhood.

Every day the same thing. Over and over and over again. I was terrified. It was like running on a treadmill - all that hard work to end up in the exact same spot you started. How could these moms handle it? What was the variety? Where was the adventure? What was keeping them sane?

Today- I changed another poopy diaper. I made another meal that my kids called "yucky". I waited forever for Blake to get dressed (in the time it takes Blake to pull up his underwear he can get distracted 6 times with other toys!). I swept a dirty kitchen floor. I folded laundry. I stepped on a Hot Wheels. I brushed a lot of teeth. I vacuumed up a Polly Pocket purse. I found a sippy cup of milk. (not from today). I broke up a fight. I listened to crying. I changed another diaper.

Was today Groundhog Day? Didn't I do all of that yesterday?! And the day before! Are my fears all coming true? Is the alarm clock going to strike 6:00 and begin playing "I got you, Babe" by Sonny and Cher???? (that only makes sense if you had the kind of roommates who loved Bill Murry)

Oh wait, I also received a giant slobbery kiss from Macie. And then I watched Blake play with the octopus he made at preschool today. I held Riley's hand as we crossed the street. (One of my favorite motherhood moments.) I heard Blake tell the funniest story. I snuggled with Riley in our bean bag. I witnessed Macie eat an entire Dilly Bar at Dairy Queen all by herself (even Blake gave up half way through to let JT eat the rest). I thanked Blake for putting away his shoes and he gave me a big hug. I gave Macie big zerberts (those slobbery kisses that make weird noises) on her tummy when she changed into Pajamas and listened to the sweetest sound- Baby Giggles. I held all three of them on my lap as we read our scriptures. And then I kissed each one of them, sang them each a lullaby, and put them to bed.

I guess it isn't so bad after all. It's not like running on a treadmill, more like skipping :) We never end up in the exact same spot- every day they are a tiny bit bigger and I love them a tiny bit more.

So that is how I celebrate just another Groundhog Day in the Life of Katie Tyler. I kiss them, sing them a lullaby, put them to bed, and look forward to them waking up and doing it all again tomorrow.

A Blurry Christmas with the Tylers

2011-12-28T10:19:00.000-08:00

Now that Blogger and My Computer have finally agreed to allow me to post Pictures with my Blogs-- I have to make the disclaimer that the week before Christmas we discovered that my Camera is broken!! (I know, right?) So we had to resort to the use of my old camera (that is also broken - hence the need to purchase another camera that is now broken as well- equaling TWO broken Cameras at Christmas) #2 mentioned Camera is not completely broken. It will take a picture... eventually. Which means- three minutes after the cute smile, the unwrapped gift, the perfect moment - the shutter will finally agree to take the blurry, closed eyed picture. So, without further ado--

A Blurry Christmas with the Tylers

This is Riley baking with me. I probably have 1 million pictures of her standing on a chair with ingredients spilling on the ground. I love them all.
A Nelson Family Tradition is making Candy Trains. My family got together the week before Christmas and opened up insane amounts of candy and frosting to unleash our creative energy and produce an edible candy train. Here is Riley. (I am not a cool enough mom to have a picture of the finished project)
This is Blake's Train. If you look close you will see he used giant gummy rings for the wheels instead of a more traditional M&M or Spree. This was so he could make a "Monster Train"! I thought it was so cute. His train was pretty minimal in candy since he would rather play than create. He also didn't care to eat his- since he won't eat frosting and each piece is obviously covered in frosting. (That is the same reason I do not eat mine :)

Here is Macie and JT's train. She is more like JT and would rather EAT than create. She also doesn't care if there is frosting on her candy. In fact, the more sugar the better!

This is Macie after she had eaten most of her train and we realized we should take it away before she throws up!This is my Train. Not too exciting. Accept that someone brought candy sharks to the party which necessitated a lake on the side so my shark and swedish fish could swim together. If they weren't touching frosting- that would be delicious!

Showing off my awesomeness to make my kids Christmas Tree Pancakes! This is an improvement on the usual "snowball" or "circles" I usually make for my kids.

Christmas Eve at the Tyler's. Before dinner Santa and Mrs. Clause showed up and surprised us! My kids may read this someday- so that is as much as I can say about that. But I will say- I was so happy and surprised that I teared up. (But that only makes sense if you know the rest of the story - which you don't - since my kids may read this one day!)

All the Cousins (minus Isaac who lives in Las Vegas) with Santa and Mrs. Clause! so cute :)... notice the fact that no one is looking at me since my camera took the picture long after I said "say cheese!"

Here are the Cousins doing the Annual Nativity. Yes, among Kings, Shepherds, and Princesses, it appears that the Native Americans came to see Baby Jesus :)

And this is Christmas Morning-- before the kids woke up. This part may get Blurry, not because of Lame Camera-- but because of all the generosity we received. Our tree looks pretty full-- and none of it was from us. I still don't know how to Thank all of the people who loved us and our kids and made what was looking like a hard day for us- into a beautiful memorable day instead.

This is a gift Riley made for JT - a giant telescope. I loved watching her make silly gifts for everyone and knew they would be among our favorite things unwrapped. (and not just because I thought they would be the only thing we unwrapped!) Oh and I don't have a picture of me unwrapping gifts- but I will say the Highlight for me was a surprise gift from friends (I have no problem admitting that I was disappointed when JT pointed out we wouldn't have the money for gifts this year and that if we wanted to buy even one thing for each kid it would mean forgoing our own presents!! I am not a mature and selfless mom. I like presents too! :) But he was right, and I agreed that I would rather see them with presents- and sometimes That is Life) So- the simple fact that something had my name on it- (and thoughtful gifts for JT also) was enough to make me cry. Then opening a gift card to go shopping, and ear rings, and a tart pan!!! It wasn't just that someone thought of me. It was that someone knew me. (man I am tearing up again! dumb camera... oh yeah, it's not the camera this time)

Anyways- back to the no tears part--Riley unwrapping gifts. Some of her favorites were Polly Pockets, clothes, markers, Little Pet Shop and paints. But her favorite was the Magnetic Dress Up Dolls that Aleisa helped me make! Thank goodness for Aleisa coming through and helping me be the Frugal Superstar Mom I always wanted to be! (ok, darn it, I did cry about that too! Really, I am so thankful for that small act of kindness from Aleisa!)

Blake got a lot of trucks, cars, and more cars. Which is his favorite thing in the world. The highlight of him unwrapping gifts was when he opened this Monster Truck Carrier with Monster Trucks inside and he exclaimed "Wow! I must have done a REALLY LONG POOP to get this truck!!!" I guess he still thinks that is how it works- even though he has been potty trained for months!

(once again- I don't have a single picture of him with his eyes open! ugghhh!)

And here is Macie on our favorite toy! Our kids love to ride their bikes, but Macie has not mastered a tricycle yet and refuses to ride in the stroller, so our family walks (when JT isn't home to help) are tedious! I was telling my sister Karen about it and she gave us her old push tricycle! Yeah! So I will love using this as much as Macie will! (p.s. don't like the look fool you- she loves it)

And this is the kids with our new Nativity. This was actually the first part of Christmas Morning. When JT told me, years ago, that his family started Christmas morning with the Christmas Story and a small devotional I thought they were crazy! We thought we were tortured by my parents forcing us to eat breakfast first- but to sit through talking and Spiritual stuff??? That was crazy talk! ... But I am changing my tune... As I heard JT read the story, and watched my kids use the new Nativity we received anonymously this Christmas - I didn't care about the presents under the tree. I wasn't anxious for the stockings. I was grateful for friends, family, and The King of all the earth who chose to be born humbly in a manger with no gifts, no stockings, and not even a bed to lay him in. I guess even as a baby he was more mature and selfless than I will ever be. (Oh,and the kids loved it too!)

P.S. did I mention how this showed up on our door step and I have secretly always wanted a Little People Nativity??? I guess Santa really does listen!

On the 12th Day of Christmas

2011-12-21T16:25:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!
For starters, here is a Pic of my Riley and Blake dressed up as Mary and Joseph and Macie as the Shepard. Pretty Cute, huh?

So- let's talk about this month. This blog post has been stuck in my mind for days now- trying to escape. It has been an interesting month...

It is no secret that the Real Estate Market has been hit hard by this recession. And if you know me, you know JT supports our family with a Real Estate income. Yes, he works at the Hospital in the ER, but he is no doctor - and his pay check there reflects that. He works hard, but it just is not enough to support a growing family and a mortgage. Real estate has always come through for us. But this year has been harder than most.

As I prepared for the Holiday Season I was optimistic. I saw myself sewing adorable gifts from scrap fabric, baking wonderful treats from my pantry, and focusing more on the Baby that was born on Christmas than the gifts that were received. I envisioned a frugal superstar making Christmas out of nothing. And then my children begging to hear the Christmas Story read from Luke "one more time, puh-lease, before we open presents!" I was already congratulating myself on a Christmas fit to be printed in the Ensign.

And then December hit.

And boy has it hit.

Someday I will post my notes from the Relief Society Scripture night that I taught at the beginning of the month. Normally, that kind of event would be the highlight of my month. Speaking. For an hour. On the scriptures. My dream come true! (seriously) But this time- I felt overwhelmed. I felt like I was up against every road block possible. My Testimony seemed to be shaken to the core. (a feeling I was not expecting or familiar with)

When that was over - it was our Anniversary, our get-a-way and by the time we got back I felt like I was 10 steps behind. Suddenly the reality of life, finances, and Holidays hit me. It was too late for home made gifts. Who was I kidding anyways? Me? Crafting adorable gifts for my kids? But how could we make Christmas work with our finances? Does the Ensign really want to print a story of my life crashing down around me days before Christmas?

And there it was.
On our doorstep.

The 12 Days of Christmas.

Not just the 12 Days of Christmas (which I have loved) But Secret Santa Gifts on my front porch. Generosity from friends and family. Help crafting presents. Cards. Gifts. Treats. Thoughtful acts of service and kindness. And for as much as my kids love it, I know I appreciate it even more. I think I have cried every day during these 12 days. Every time the doorbell rings I start crying again. I pray every night for these families that are thinking of us. I ask Heavenly Father to help me do something. anything. The more I receive the more I cry. I can hardly even figure out what it is I am feeling.

Grateful.
Loved.
Shocked.
Confused.
Undeserving.

I think that last one is the hardest. I have never felt so selfish in my life. Just keeping my own head above water has been exhausting this past month- how can I serve others? It isn't that I haven't wanted to. Or tried. Wasn't that the point of the Relief Society Scripture night? To share my love of the Scriptures? But even that almost drowned me. But is it that obvious to everyone else? Are we the family that needs help? So here I am. Paralyzed. Wanting to serve. Wanting to share. Wanting to give.

And instead- the doorbell rings with more love for my own family.

I have no idea who is doing all of this.
I think I am too embarrassed to even want to know.
And I am certain that if they wanted me to know who it was- they would stick around on the front porch while I wipe my eyes and answer the door.

So, if you are reading this. And you have stood on my front porch this month doing something kind for me or my family. And you have rang the doorbell and wondered if what you are doing is making a difference...

Thank you.
wow, those words seem small compared to all that you have given me. How can I make those words sound as big as they feel?

Thank You
still not big enough :)

Oooppss - To Clarify

2011-12-19T20:42:00.001-08:00

oooppssss- Sorry Everyone, Looks like I need to Clarify.

We ARE STAYING HERE and going to UW. :)

I keep having people ask if we have decided where we are going and I realized I have strung you along for years and never gave you a firm answer to our plans!

I think it is because it simply felt good. There was no big event, singing angels, or interesting story - it just felt good. For the first time in a couple years we have been able to just sit back and feel calm. In fact this whole thing played out so differently than I ever imagined. I saw us getting a thick envelope in the mail. I saw us eagerly opening it and then jumping up and down as we hugged and cried. I saw us calling everyone we knew and running through the streets shouting for joy. But in fact - it was a phone call. And it was JT casually turning to me to say he got accepted. It was us sighing relief. Going to the Temple to pray and feeling calm and content. It was us just sitting back and enjoying the new found peace in our lives. Sorry I forgot to pass that on to the rest of you.

So no New York for me. I guess the Big Apple just isn't ready for Katie Tyler yet... someday.

As for adventure--- We will be moving up to Seattle (if we can find renters for our house) in June. Classes start in June and then the full time schedule begins in September. With the intensity of the program and the amount of studying JT will need to do- there is no way to add in a 2 hour commute. This way he can come home for dinner and bed time with the kids and then head back to the Library to study without wasting time in traffic.

And I get my dream of living in the city.

Thank you all for your love and support. It has been fun for me to run into a lot of you lately who read my Blog and I had NO IDEA :)

And to everyone who already knew we were staying here- sorry for the boring informational blog! I am sure I will have something more juicy to write about soon.

the Nativity...according to Riley

2011-12-05T17:23:00.000-08:00

It is beginning to look a Little Bit like Christmas around here.

Our $20 Noble is proudly standing - naked - without lights or ornaments. And the Kids' Nativities are displayed in our home. (the rest of the decorations are yet to come)

Riley called me in to show me how she had arranged one of the miniature Nativities. If you look closely you will see a Shepherd with his sheep. A Mary and Joseph. And then the Three Wisemen standing by Baby Jesus.

Riley: Mom, come see my Activity (she means Nativity)

Me: Cute, Riley, but why are Mary and Joseph so far away from Baby Jesus?

Riley: Oh, Mary and Joseph are on a date. But don't worry, the Wise Men are there.

Mary was so lucky to have babysitters led by a Star so that she could go out with her man!

P.S. I am taking a bow for getting a picture on my blog. thank you, thank you.

For JT

2011-11-26T17:06:00.000-08:00

So I think it is pretty clear that I express myself better in writing. This may be due to the fact that I am a bit of a "passionate" person. And if you missed JT's talk on Sunday- "95% of the time that is a great thing... but the other 5% may be a little difficult" for those who live with or love me. (as I am sure any of my family, former room mates, or mission companions could tell you) So I have learned a way to deal with the "passionate" side of me.

I have warned JT that there is a price to pay for me being a Thinker and Not a Fighter. This means I take a long time to think through my feelings before I start any kind of argument or bring up any kind of issue. This isn't mature or noble of me, it is really due to the fact that I have to win- so I will not even begin an argument unless I am certain that I can prove I am right. JT knows when I am stewing on something, but he gives me my space until I have decided whether it is worthy of a fight or not. (in most cases- Not) Now, I am not bottling this all up. I would literally explode. I have a journal. Ok, Ok, we might as well call it a diary because it has little to do with real events or experiences. Mostly just a place to vent. To test out my arguments. To be passionate without consequence. So the price he pays for a kind wife - is a diary. A diary he is never to read, and may even want to burn when I die so that my posterity will not be shocked. It is a dangerous book to read. But after realizing what a One Sided Story it tells- I decided I should frequently insert the truth.

The truth that my life is wonderful. That my husband is my soul mate. That I am deeply happy.

And today- my Blog gets to be that entry.

This week was a hard week. Only my "diary" can hold all of it. We have been put through the ringer. I know that this spikes your curiosity- but that is about as much detail as you get. I wish I could say more. I was feeling absolutely drained when I saw that one of "my girls" was going through the Temple for the first time today to prepare for her Mission! (a girl that I have taught and adored since she was 7 years old!) I felt like this was the last thing I could handle this week. And yet I knew I wanted to be there for her. When I was getting the kids out the door early this morning to be watched by my Sister in law- JT arrived home from work. I wished he could be going with me- but he had worked long hours and needed sleep. I felt like I needed him with me today and yet I knew he needed sleep desperately.

As I entered the Temple without him I felt the weight of the week press down on me. I struggled to put on my Happy Face. To smile when I want to cry. To make it through.

And then it happened-

Right before I was to go in and take my seat, the line of people ahead of me shifted. It was truly as if the clouds parted and there he stood. Quietly laughing with a friend. I couldn't believe my eyes. I had just left him at home exhausted and half asleep! The minute I believed it was him and not just a dream- I began to cry. And cry.

This must have seemed ridiculous to those around me. After all- he is my husband. Hadn't I just seen him? Why would I be so excited? They had no idea.

To JT- You are my Hero. I would be so lost without you. I would be weaker and smaller. I would have forgotten myself a million times. I don't know what I did to deserve you. I know that I do deserve you. You were there when I needed you most and least expected it. You held my hand when I felt empty. You are my Best Friend. You are everything to me. I love you always-

And I hope this makes up for the 5% of "difficult passionate" that I have been this week.

The Rollercoaster

2011-11-21T15:48:00.000-08:00

It's early in the morning. But it isn't cold or damp outside like it would be in Washington. It's California. And it is our Nelson Family Vacation -1991. I eat a muffin and juice for breakfast and then take my Dramamine. My stomach is already twisting in circles and we haven't even left the hotel room to go to Magic Mountain. I am scared to death, but I know I can't chicken out. I am the fifth out of six children, and in a family like mine- saving face is everything.

There it is. The Viper. It is huge. It is red. And it is the biggest Roller Coaster I have ever seen.

Standing in line is like being tortured. I have to watch it scream and loop past me over and over as I wait for my turn.

And then it is my turn. My stomach drops. I look to my big brothers whose faces glow with excitement. Even my little sister appears ecstatic. Am I the only one scared to death right now? The belts lock. The bar comes down. Is this really going to hold me in place???

And up we go. Slowly I feel the pull of the cars ahead as we make the first climb. It is moving so slowly. Is this to build suspense? Or to fool me into placidity? Is it to give me time to rethink this terrible decision and beg to be let off? No. I am too high now. There is no way off this ride. I tell myself this is fun. After all, people are smiling... aren't they? We are close to the top. I can barely see my parents below.

And then the drop.

Lurching over the top of the small mountain the ride takes off. My stomach is in my throat. My heart is beating out of control. We are racing down the track. As soon as we recover from the drop I am pulled around a corner. Suddenly I am filled with excitement! This IS fun! I lift my arms from their death grip on the bar to extend them over my head. I start to smile. And then it happens. Suddenly I am upside down. My bearings are lost. My head is spinning. I am lifting off of my seat. The only thing connecting me to this planet is centrifugal force. (or is it centripetal force?? I must have been asleep in Physics the day we talked about this) I can hardly comprehend that I am upside down before I am swept into my next loop. Adrenaline is rushing through me. I think I want to scream with excitement. Or is it terror? Either way, nothing escapes my mouth. It is a giant hollow "O". My stomach continues to twist. I loose all frame of reference. I have no idea which way is up and which way is down or where on earth I will land in the end.

And despite my horror. Despite the suppression of throw up. Despite the unknown. I am enjoying myself.

I can see the last turn up ahead. I feel the machine contract and break as we come to slow down. I try to assess my feelings. Relief? Disappointment? Shock?

When we exit the ride I notice eager faces getting on for the next spin. I am wobbly. My heart is pounding. My brothers are cheering and high-fiving. My little sister is proudly boasting her lack of fear. Everyone is having the time of their lives. The fear has worn off. The more steps I take from the ride the more I convince myself it really wasn't so bad. By the time we rejoin my parents I find myself echoing my siblings in the desire to "do it again!"

Here I am- it is raining outside. It is definitely not California. I am not 12 years old. But all of those feelings are here.

These past few years have been a Roller Coaster that puts The Viper at Magic Mountain to shame. Just like that little girl had no idea what she was getting into- I was naive. I had no idea it would be this kind of a struggle to get into PA School. I had no idea I would be slowly pulled up a track for more than a year of prerequisites. I had no idea that the top would feel so high and so far from where we had begun and that the rush of the fall would be so intense. It was out of my control. I relied on the Centrifugal Force of Faith to keep me hanging on. There were moments that I lifted my arms and thought the ride was going just where I wanted it to. And there were other times that I just had to rely on a Nelson's desire to "save face." Convincing myself that this was a fun adventure. For over 2 years I have not known which way was up and which way was down. I have literally just been along for the ride....

But today, I think we pulled up to the station. I think the bar is being lifted and I am being released.

JT just got accepted to the University of Washington!!!

This is it. The ride has ended. The confusion. The unknown. The stress. The disappointment. The Hope. It has all slid into place and here we are.

Did it go by fast? As I begin to step away from this process will I just remember it as an amazing experience where our family grew closer? Will I think just about the fun parts where my hands were in the air? It has been up and down and up and down for as long as I can remember. And yet all I can do is smile and join in on the High Fives!

WE DID IT!!!

The ironic part is... it really is just the beginning. Now he gets to go through the grueling life of a student in PA school! So, I guess it is just like Magic Mountain. We are already begging to "do it again!"

why do we do this?

2011-11-08T14:48:00.001-08:00

Running.

Why do we do this to ourselves? JT just finished a book about running where it stated that 8 out of 10 runners will get injured each year.

Do we do it for the shin splints? for the knee problems? for the joint issues? for the I.T.B.S. ? (which is the problem I have) or for the thrill of pain?

I can't tell why anyone else does it. And if you asked me 5 years ago I would have told you I wouldn't be caught dead running -- unless Nordstrom was giving away Lancome Mascara and the ONLY way to get one was to run...and then I probably would have bribed someone else to run for me. But here I am- Running.

Everyday I cinch on a sports bra, pull my hair back, and lace up my shoes to go to the gym. But there is something different when I do that same routine to go Running.

There is nothing better than a crisp autumn afternoon in Washington for a nice run. I actually ran through a crunchy pile of Maple leaves today! Talk about euphoric! The crackle of leaves breaking under my feet- releasing the warm smell of maple! I almost closed my eyes. (but I know better than that, I grew up with Maple Trees- and I know that under every layer of crispy leaves is the wet layer that hasn't dried out from last night's rain and will be slippery as heck!)

I think I may have figured it out. Why I run. I won't run on a track. I can't run on a treadmill. The only joy I find in running is outside. I think that is half of why I love running. Being outside. With the fresh air blowing past me (ok, ok, if you have seen me run - you know I am hardly going fast enough for anything to "blow" past me).

I discovered today it is the freedom I love about running. Just Going. Moving. Change. I can't run on a treadmill because I can't stare endlessly at the Bravo channel on the Gym's T.V. I suffocate on a track because I can't stand knowing that I am running in circles. Even running the path around the lake gets mundane. I like change. I like knowing I am getting farther and farther from a messy kitchen. Farther from the calls of mother hood. Farther from the duties of life. Closer to silence. Closer to being an individual. Closer to myself.

(I shouldn't have to insert here that I love my life. -but I will - I love my kids, my messy kitchen, my role as a wife and mother, that is not what this is about)

I remember something I started doing years ago at EFY as a counselor. When there would be a moment that I loved. That I knew I needed to cherish for forever. I would try to capture it by opening up my arms wide and inhaling deeply. Silently I called it my Freedom Stretch. I would absorb whatever wonderful moment it was. Usually a moment when I was alone and remembering a perfect part of my day. I did this on the Mission as well. Particularly with the sky. The sky was huge in Madagascar. I loved it. I loved feeling like it went on forever with endless opportunities. I loved absorbing the smells, sounds, and feelings from my mission.

And here I am doing it again- when I run. When I am sure that no one is looking - I extend my arms and run as fast as I can down the hills. When I am brave- I close my eyes. When I am nervous - I open them up and look up at the sky. I soak it all up.

What does this have to do with anything? My blog isn't about running. It is about my life.

When I heard we were moving to Rochester- I was nervous (of course) but deep inside I was starting to stretch out my arms and Run. I was getting off of the treadmill of reapplying that we have run on for 2 years. I was leaving behind a track that kept my life going in circles. I was seeing a giant new horizon like the ones in Madagascar. I knew I would need to be brave, to close my eyes and let it happen.

It isn't that I wanted to escape anything here. Just like I don't actually want to escape my children when I go for a run. It was just the thrill of freedom. Freedom to start from scratch. To redefine myself. To dream big.

Now- as the prospect of U.W. enters the picture - I have a lot to think about. I am hopeful that JT gets accepted. I know this is a great program for him. I know that it will be "easier" than moving (as everyone points out) but I am not yearning for easy. I know that whatever is right- will work out. I know it will be wonderful to stay close to family and friends.

I think I will just need to find a new way to feel that freedom here. To find that newness and change and adventure in my own backyard. And I think I will start by running.

The Interview

2011-11-01T21:07:00.000-07:00

JT interviewed today at U.W. for their P.A. program. (which is in the Top 10 schools in the country!)

We are more confused than ever. And maybe farther from an answer to our favorite question "Are you moving to New York" than ever before.

Of course we will need to wait and see if he gets accepted (should hear back in 2- 3 weeks) and then start praying some more.

One thing JT said today was how confident he felt during the full day interview. I think it helped to know that he was accepted to a very strong program in NY to help him stay calm. He said he wasn't nervous at all and was able to be calm and answer the questions easily. He didn't have to feel like everything was riding on this interview since he already has acceptance at Rochester.

SO, is Rochester just the back up plan? Do we stay here if JT gets accepted? Or do we say thanks to Seattle and pack our bags anyways?

I am not sure of any answers right now. The only thing I know- is that I am married to an amazing guy. And that wherever he goes, I am going also. He has not let me down. He has pushed hard for years to reach his goals. He has not given up, even when most probably would have. He has stayed positive and optimistic. He has been thoughtful and understanding of me. It is a huge undertaking to change careers after you have graduated, after you have an established career, after you have a family to support- but he didn't let that scare him. We have made a lot of sacrifices, and have many more years of sacrifice before we are done, but to see the smile on his face- and satisfaction in his eyes tonight reminds me that it is all worth it.

Hair- for a good cause....

2011-10-27T14:59:00.000-07:00

November- the Month I am DOING HAIR!

What? Katie is coming out of retirement? For one month and for one month only... or maybe more, we'll see.

The truth is- we are being extremely careful with our money right now, knowing that we might being spend a small fortune on moving our family to NY. And normally I am ok with tightening my budget a little bit...

But right now I am desperate (and I mean desperate) for some time alone with my guy. It has been a few years since we had a night alone. I am not talking about a date night. We get those (thanks to swapping hair cuts with fabulous babysitters), I am talking about a whole night together. The kind of night where you do what you want (go ahead and interpret that how you like), and then wake up whenever you want, without little blankies and binkies creeping into bed, without an alarm clock, without any distractions or obligations. Just us.

These past few years have been stressful. And although I appreciate the anxiety of choosing between two goods (UR or UW) over the stress of coping with the unknown- it is still difficult. The closer we get to moving, the more I realize that living close to family (who can help watch kids) will be ending. And I realize that the long dreamt of night alone could be postponed for a very long time...

SO- instead of breaking our budget, starving our kids, or sleeping in a tent in the back yard- - - I am going to do hair for a month! :)

I am hoping this is a Win- Win.

I know there are a few of you who have wanted to sneak into my house and get your hair done, and I know there are a few more of you whose house I want to sneak into to do your hair! (just kidding, I just had to say it) so- I will be available in the evenings all month, or the weekends of Nov 5ht and 26th.

Call me, facebook me, show up at my house (ok, don't do that)- just let me know.
:)

Oh the Irony...

2011-10-18T15:25:00.000-07:00

JT got an email today from the University of Washington. He was asked to come and interview for a spot in their MEDEX Physician Assistant Program -- yep, that's right---

After we have been accepted to the University of Rochester's program - U.W. decides to ask him to interview for their P.A. school.

Was it all of you praying to keep us here?

Was it the Alumni P.A.'s that work with JT at the Hospital - who called U.W. to tell them that they are anxious to hire JT and need him to get accepted so that he can start working as a P.A. at Valley?

Was it the fact that this year U.W. did not mess up his paper work (like they did last year!) and realized that he is a perfect candidate for their program?

Or is it simply the irony of life?

And what does this mean for us?

Who knows.

I guess if he gets accepted JT will need to do some serious soul searching to decide what will be the better fit for him. Nurse Anesthetist or Physician Assistant? (let's be honest, my vote will probably be for the more lucrative of the two careers) And I guess where our family actually belongs right now.

Who knows.

So, let's take an already stressful situation of trying to downsize, finding a place in Rochester, while getting our house ready to show to complete strangers, hoping that one of them will be a reliable renter and then throw in on top of it all- an interview at U.W. and the possibility of not leaving Washington at all.

Apparently my life wasn't crazy enough.

9:15 p.m.

2011-10-15T21:29:00.000-07:00

Saturday Night. 9:15 p.m. Just got home from a Halloween Party and I am trying to get my kids in bed. We are doing our Family Scripture Study and this is the conversation.

Me: "...they shall be cut off from the presence of the Lord..." (2 Nephi 5:20)

Blake: What does it mean "they were cut off from the presence of the Lord?"

Me: (thinking to myself - What? You are actually paying attention??) Well,( I begin slowly, carefully choosing my words) they were not listening to Jesus anymore and so they were not able to feel His love for a while. (Uggh! Did I even answer that right? I know how to answer these questions for a teenager, or a class, or an investigator- but my 3 year old?)

Riley: I don't hear Heavenly Father or Jesus. Will I be cut off?

Me: (oh no!) No, sweetie, we are always trying to be good listeners to Heavenly Father. You are a good listener.

Riley: But I don't hear Him.

Me: Well, we hear Jesus with out hearts. Can you close your eyes, and be very quiet? Then you can feel His love in your heart. (*sigh* I did it. That was perfect, now my daughter will have a chance to feel and identify the Spirit! I am awesome.)

Riley: Nope. He is still far away in Heaven.

Me: (what? that isn't what I was expecting)

Blake: When I die, will I go to Heaven?

Me: (what?!)

Riley: Then you can hear Heavenly Father and Jesus and you won't get cut off.

Blake: I don't want to die. (tearing up)

Me: (oh crap! what do I do now?)

Me: Blake it is ok. You will not be cut off from anyone. Heavenly Father loves you so much.

Blake: I don't want to go to Heaven. Mommy, I just want to be with you!

Me: Don't worry, I will be there too. And so will Daddy and our whole family. We will all be together with Jesus.

Riley: Is Daddy going to die?

Me: (seriously?? it is 9:15 p.m. why are we having this discussion right now- after a Halloween Party- when your dad isn't even here to help me! why are we even awake right now!?) Sweetie, everyone will die someday, but we get to be together forever. So we don't need to be sad tonight. (preparing to launch into the 4th discussion and start teaching about the sealing ordinances of the Temple... of course, I taught the discussions in Malagasy- so the kids probably wouldn't understand any of it)

Blake: Well.... can I have some more candy?

Riley: No, Blake, it is time for bed! Let's pray, I'm tired.

Me: (...... speechless......)

Blake: I love you mommy.

It is now 9:45 p.m. on Saturday Night and I am in shock. Not sure whether to call that a pass or fail - guess it is just survival. If nothing else it was pretty comical.

I am starting to really understand how much of my job as a mother is being a Teacher. I remember as an EFY Counselor they would constantly remind us to be alert to "Teaching Moment" - little golden opportunities to teach, testify, or uplift one of our youth. They counseled us that these moments would rarely come in a classroom or from a pulpit. But from walks on campus, talks in the cafeteria, or late nights eating pizza. I have told myself as a Mother that I will need to be on the look out for these moments- someday. (who knew that someday was today?) I have reminded myself that no matter the effort I put into teaching my Sunday School kids the scriptures, or sharing the Gospel with my neighbors- if I am missing the "Teaching Moments" at home- I am missing the mark. Most of us have heard David O. McKay's quote "No other success can compensate for failure in the home" (p.s. after scouring the internet all night for a reference to the talk where he said those profound words I just discovered that President McKay was actually quoting someone else - J.E. McCulloch to be exact, which led me to this blog that I really enjoyed- who knew?). I have always liked that saying and usually tied it to careers or other success we might see unrelated to our families. But tonight- I realized that it is any success. Whether I am the best missionary, the best Sunday School teacher (which I totally am... cough cough), or best anything- if I am not the best mom- the rest of it will hardly matter.

This post has a Part II.... I know, I have never done that before. But it is late- and I have a lot of thoughts that follow this.

For now, I will go to bed picturing Blake's innocent little teary eyes saying how he doesn't want to die and me wanting to kiss him and squeeze him and tell him that he will be fine and he will never die. But that isn't true, and I can't tell him that. I can tell him- he will always - always- be mine. And he will probably look into my eyes... and ask for more Halloween Candy.

In Denial

2011-10-06T19:44:00.000-07:00

Here it is- 7:30p.m., my kids are sound asleep, JT is at work, and I am on my computer. This is so unlike me. I have a ton of things I should be doing- besides the normal things like cleaning my bathrooms, sweeping the floor, and polishing my nails. I should be getting things done.

I should be searching for housing, figuring out costs. I should be downsizing, decluttering, and donating all of our accumulated stuff that won't fit it in our tiny apartment in NY. I should be budgeting, planning, and organizing. I should even (as a friend recently suggested) be making my Bucket List of things I need (ok, really, just want) to do before I move across the map!

But what am I doing? Blogging. Why? I am in denial.

I can't seem to wrap my brain around all of this. And every time I do, I get overwhelmed. So I am rambling on the internet! I even checked out facebook, browsed on pinterest, and watched a youtube video. (things I never do!)

But seriously -- I'm stalling.

So here is what I am going to do. First, I am going to go clean my carpets... ok, not really, the Kirby Guy is coming back to do that any minute. First, I am going to let the Kirby Guy clean my carpets for free. Then I am going to go listen to the Relief Society Broadcast that I missed the other night. And after that, I am going to start on my Bucket List. That's right. No NY tonight. No cleaning, no planning, no stressing, no moving.

Now I have told you all what I am going to do. (therefore making me somewhat accountable to get up and do something) This is what YOU are going to do. What?! Sorry, it's too late to pretend like you are not reading this post. I know you are, I can see you on my stats. (that's not true, Josh tried to help me figure that out months ago and I have been too lazy to look at it ever since.... but if I wanted to- I could see you on my stats -- if Josh reminded me how -- and know that you are reading this!)

So - your job- is to help me come up with that Bucket List! (or come declutter my house - your choice) What are the things we have said we wanted to do together? What are the things I will wish I had done when I am gone? (those of you who have actually moved for something other than a mission will be able to help me with this one) What are the things that I have put off or forgotten about? How can we make the most of our time before I go?

Now, leave me a comment, plan the event, and find me a babysitter. :)

Thanks - I feel much better now.

It's all relative...

2011-10-04T19:49:00.001-07:00

Blake is officially potty trained. Thank You. Thank You. But please, hold your applause till the end of the post.

(Side Note: For all of you who wonder what my children actually look like- I tried to add a pic of my little guy right *here* but Blogger hates me too much and would not stop showing me the dumb exclamation mark in the triangle saying it was waiting for the pics that never came!! uggh! I try, I really do, it is hard to be hated by technology-- pouty face)

Anyways, we decided Pooping in the Toilet was about as big of an accomplishment as we could ask of our little 3 year old guy. It was a rough go at first. And he has been willing for a while to do #1 in the toilet, but still going to his favorite hiding place to do #2 in his pull up.

So a few months ago- I bribed him.

This is how I know Bribes Don't Work. (At the beginning of summer I bribed Riley with a Barbie Doll if she would jump off the diving board with her cousins at her Grandma's house. No go. She did not care at all about a prize- she would not jump in. Then a few months later we were there with our friends and out of the blue she jumps in! No bribing, no begging, just her own free will - of course she immediately reminded me of the Barbie I had promised months before! ) With Blake I bribed him with cars and monster trucks to just "do a poopie in the toilet" - that was two months ago. And although cars and trucks are his favorite he wouldn't take the bait.

Finally last week, of his own free will he did it. Just sat on the toilet and pooped. He was excited to show me what he called his "little poop" and then proceeded to remind me of the little car I owed him. I took him to Fred Meyer and he chose a single Hot Wheel. "Wow, that was easy" I thought "I was expecting him to go for the talking Lightning McQueen or that two foot Monster Truck! but no, he picks the smallest car here!" I patted myself on the back for a great bribe and a frugal child and we went home.

The next day he did it again. He was just as excited to show me his "long poop" and then proceeded to tell me that he would now take a "Limousine Car" and maybe tomorrow he would have a "Big Poop" so he could get the "Big Monster Truck"!!!

Not only does my son think each poop gets it's own vehicle- he thinks that the size of the poop is relative to the size of the reward!!

I am going to be in big trouble when he is a teenager!

Nights are the Hardest

2011-09-25T21:52:00.000-07:00

I can't say that the novelty has worn off... I am still in shock, I am still happy for JT, I am still excited for the adventure, I am still sure this is all right (to be moving to New York)....

But I will say, at Night it is the hardest. It seems like the kids go to bed, my night winds down and my brain turns on. Suddenly I am aware of all of the things that will make this move difficult. Last week it was the logistics. (not to say that isn't still a concern this week) Things like: where will we live? can we move in all that snow? will we be able to get enough student loans to support our family? and how much will all of this cost? But this past weekend I discovered new heartbreaks to overcome.

Saturday we spent the afternoon at the Tyler's. The kids played and laughed with cousins in the pool. I talked with my Sister in laws and snuggled my newest nephew. I watched JT "play" with his brothers doing flips and showing off in the pool. (JT is more "himself" with his family than anywhere else. I guess we all are, right? We let down our guards, or facades, we forget about impressing or in my case- entertaining - and just let it all hang out. It is refreshing to have that freedom. And it is something special especially when I watch my kids or JT be 100% comfortable and at home.) I have to say- I have always felt a safe feeling at my inlaws', like I can be me, however crazy that is, and not be judged or made fun of or hurt. How can we leave this? Who takes their kids away from loving aunts and uncles and grandparents??

Then I went to Jenni's surprise party. I watched a fantastic group of women jump out from behind couches to surprise a friend we all love. These are girls I did not even know 3 years ago who have become some of my best friends. We are all so different. In fact, I don't think we unanimously share a single thing in common besides our faith and love for each other. But we adore each other for the talents that we have and accept each other for the places that we lack. Once again- Who leaves those kinds of friends??

And at Church today- my kids quietly deserted me and JT on our pew to go sit with their beloved former Nursery Teacher "Tingey". (where of course they will sit the entire Sacrament Meeting without whining or fighting because they are with "Tingey"!!) As I guiltily enjoyed the peace that comes from sitting alone on your bench and not having to wrestle kids, I realized that my kids would be missing their friends as well. Primary teachers, Preschool teachers, babysitters and playmates who have loved them since birth. Who moves away from a Nursery Teacher that sits with your kids at church??

I am starting to think we are crazy.

But the first tears fell tonight, believe it or not, when I came down stairs for a drink before I was going to sleep (and then I obviously got distracted by the desire to Blog rather than cry alone in my bed!) and I walked through my dark house, with no lights on. You know you are home when you don't need a light. I remember this on my mission- that first few weeks of not feeling totally comfortable and a little afraid of the dark. (not the dark so much, as the giant spiders that could lay waiting to pounce on you in the dark) But as I relaxed into an area- I was less afraid. Here I am, in the first house we ever bought. I love this house. It may not seem like much to some of you- but it is my first home and I love it. I loved the floor plan from the minute I walked in. I love the kitchen overlooking the large family room. I love the master bath and huge walk in closet! I love my kids rooms - mostly for being the treasure chest that holds my sweetest treasures every night. I love the backyard (even though it backs up to the busiest road and everyone honks at me when I come outside in my robe to push my kids on the swing) and the adventures and parties we have had back there. I love the feeling here. The one I feel when it has been a crazy morning of running around and extracting screaming kids from car seats- and then I put my keys in the door and smile that this is my home. The home my husband worked really hard to buy for me. (and still does) The home that welcomed me and Macie from the Hospital when she was born. The home that has caught the spills of birthday cakes, sippy cups, and dinner with friends. Who leaves a Home like this??

I can't believe that with all of these things to miss- I started crying tonight about my house. I didn't think this adventure would be so hard. I have prayed every night for this for over 2 years- and now that it is here - I am crying.

But something keeps running through my head. I don't even know where it came from, or who said it- but I think it will be my motto these next few months:

I can do hard things.

or is it-
I CAN do hard things.
or
I can DO hard things.
or
I can do HARD--- really really hard--- things.

We can do this. We can leave family for a little while, they will still love us when we get back. I can say goodbye to friends- even my kids' friends- they won't forget me. ( I don't think...) And I can even walk a way from our first home, I will have many more homes. And tomorrow when I realize I will have to buy snow clothes and learn how to live in the cold- I will just remind myself:

I can do hard things.

New York - Here We Come

2011-09-19T20:10:00.000-07:00

The Moment We Have All Been Waiting For....

Has Finally Arrived!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know, you have been on the edge of your seats, prayerful at the Temple, fasting day and night and hoping to get rid of us Tylers. Well, it worked. We are headed to Rochester, New York in January for school!

Hallelujah! (I am hearing the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing the Hallelujah Chorus)

I know, some of you are sad. You enjoyed reading the countless blog posts about rejection, about waiting, about our never ending plight into the unknown. Some of you may even miss us when we are gone....

*Crickets * awkward silence *

And the rest of you are wondering Why Rochester??

Well, after more research, JT decided to change direction a little bit. He decided that he would like to become a Nurse Anesthetist. So rather than go to P.A. school we are headed to the University of Rochester for an accelerated Nursing Course. A year from now, JT will be a Registered Nurse working in an I.C.U. where he will gain the experience he needs to qualify to go to more school to become a Nurse Anesthetist. (Did any of you know I have a thing against the "th" sound? I don't know why, it just feels weird on my tongue- it almost stopped me from supporting him in this career change. Luckily I was able to put that behind me for the sake of a career.) Rochester not only has one of the best and very few accelerated nursing programs in the country but it is also very close to three schools that offer the Anesthetist program. It will take slightly longer to finish the schooling but I think it will be much more rewarding for him in the long run.

And now some of you are wondering how I am doing with all of this? Ok, most of you are busy cheering for JT, high fiving each other like you just won the Super Bowl, or already reading someone else's more interesting blog. But for anyone who wants to know...

I am freaking out!

My mind is flipping back and forth between the pros and cons so fast I can hardly see straight. I keep thinking of JT finally being accepted and how happy and relieved he is. Then I think of the long road we still have ahead. I think of Riley, Blake and Macie being in one of the Top Public School Districts in the Nation! And then I think of them leaving Miss Ashlee. I think of the new adventure and chance to get out of the Seattle Gloom. And then I think of all of the friends and family we are leaving behind. (that is by far the hardest one to swallow) I think of four different seasons and the beauty of upstate New York. And then I think of the snow. And more snow. And more snow.

The most amazing thing in all of this - is seeing how much the Lord's hand has been in it from the start. I think it will take some more reflection and a whole other post to get into that.

One Tender Mercy happened on Saturday after we heard the news. I was talking to my Mom on the phone about it and she was very excited. She said "Katie, this is so perfect for you." She is right. Growing up, I always wanted to live in New York. Usually I thought of living in the Big Apple, ice skating on Christmas at the Rockerfeller Center, singing and dancing off Broadway while waitressing to pay the bills, and eating pizza that I fold in half. But I remember a painting called Kindred Spirits by Asher Durand. I loved this painting in High School (which says a lot for a girl who tended to like mostly Modern Art) and I was very drawn to exploring this side of New York. One without glitz and glamour and taxis and lights. (I have to add that I also loved this for the title Kindred Spirits and the thought of these Best Friends- Poet and Artist in nature together... Sigh) Wow- this is turning into a boring Humanities lesson - back to the conversation with my Mom --- When my Mom told me that this was perfect for me- I found myself in Oregon. At OSU as an EFY Counselor. I was traveling with EFY all summer and my Mission Call had come. My mom forwarded it to me in Oregon so that I could read it. I was in a phone booth (which shows how old I am) all alone. Crying. I called my mom and told her I wasn't sure I wanted to go on a mission anymore and that I might not even open the letter to read it - but instead just send it back and say "I'm sorry." But my mom's answer was "Katie, I read your Mission Call" (yes, go ahead and gasp, she opened it and read it and then resealed it to mail to me at OSU!) "And in ALL the World, this is where My Katie belongs." When she said that I was filled with peace and I knew that it was right. I opened the envelope to find I had been called to the Madagascar, Antananarivo Mission and it changed my life. I can't help but feel that all over again.

Something about Rochester just feels right.

I don't know what it is. I don't know why. But it just feels right. Yes, I am scared. I am not a fan of snow. I rely a lot on my Family and Friends here in Washington. I love my ward, my neighbors, my life here. But I know that this is right for our family and especially for JT.

I am excited for an adventure. I am excited to finally be on the path and moving forward. I am excited for the unknown. I can' t believe it is finally happening! I almost forgot what it is like to know what you will be doing 6 months from now. To be able to plan ahead! And I know this adventure will change our lives.

What this means for all of you? (that's right, everyone wants to know what this has to do with them) I will be spending the next three months having Girls' Nights, Play Dates, Dates with My Man (since we won't have family or babysitters in NY), Parties, Family Dinners, More Girls' Nights and probably some serious tears----

Consider Yourselves Invited :)

Brazil

2011-08-31T08:38:00.000-07:00

This may be too much of My Reality for some of you. But truth be told: I have bad days. I mean really bad days sometimes. And it seems that when I have had a string of these bad days (or weeks) where I feel like a failure as a mother, a friend, and even a wife, my mind wanders to one place.

Brazil.

I have never been there. I don't even know much about it, other than what I have seen on TV or heard from friends. But when the going gets rough and I want to get going I picture myself on a plane to Brazil. I am not really sure who this alternative Katie is. She is carefree. She is thoughtless and selfish. She is not thinking of nap times, meal times, out-grown school shoes, or love notes in her hubbie's lunch. She is thinking of the beach. She is listening to the ocean and drinking Brazilian lemonade. She is wearing cut off shorts and a bikini because she doesn't have a saggy post baby body. (this is how we know it is not the Real Me) She is flying First Class because money is no object in her made up world. She is sleeping on the long flight because no one is there to interrupt her sleep.

In my fantasy this is where it ends. I have never actually seen this Katie getting off the plane in the tropical sunshine. I have never heard her blunder through the Portuguese she picked up on the flight down. I have never even seen the fabulous hotel that she will own there (to support her new carefree life). It ends with uninterrupted sleep because that is where it just gets too obvious that it is all a dream.

And honestly, it isn't even a good dream.

A good dream is getting a call from my sweet hubbie in the middle of the day telling me to get ready because he is coming home from the office to send me out. No, he didn't send me to Brazil. He sent me to Southcenter. But an afternoon alone felt like a tropical escape. An afternoon of shopping by myself, eating out quietly, buying "frivolous things" as I was directed by him to do so, forgetting about coupons and sales, and not even considering what the kids would eat, or who has a runny nose, or if the laundry was getting done.

By the time I got home from my Get A Way, my kids missed me. They cheered when I walked in the door. My man was glowing with "yep, I just scored big time and my wifie is smiling again" all over his face. My laundry was done, my house was clean, my kids were going to bed. I guess if I did go to Brazil they might just survive with out me. But I would be lost without them.

The reason my Brazil Dream ends sleeping on the plane is that somewhere over South America I realize how happy I really am here. Right here with a snotty nose rubbing my baggy shirt that hides my baby rolls. Right here with nap times, grumpy times, and snuggle times. Right here with a husband who thinks of me and my needs. A husband that is trying his best everyday to make our family and our marriage the dream come true we thought it would be. A life that is not perfect, or even easy, but it is wonderful and mine.

Who wouldn't want to be waken up from a deep sleep to a life like that?

One of My Many Talents

2011-08-15T22:03:00.000-07:00

I thought I would tell you all about one of many talents that also gets me in trouble.

Most Talents aren't Trouble Makers. Those are the talents I don't posses. You know the obvious talents like playing the violin. Singing. (ok, I can carry a tune- but I am not sure it is up there as one of my real talents) Sports. Math. Dancing. Don't get me wrong here, I love to dance. I just don't do it well. (I always thought I did because I went dancing with others who could dance well and I watched them and thought I was doing what they did - yeah, I don't think so.)

First Talent: the ability to see someone else and assume I look the same.

This doesn't just happen when dancing. This is a problem at clothing stores when the cute 19 year old girl helps me pick out jeans and I say I like the ones she has on and assume we are the same size. She is nice enough to pretend I fit into a Size 2 and then grabs my real size "just in case". It is also a problem when I am telling someone I am a Hair Stylist (or at least I was in my past life) and then thinking that my hair looks so good that she will wish I was still doing hair. (when the truth is that my roots are an embarrassment to my trade) My sister has called it our Reverse Anorexia. You know, girls who look in the mirror and see fat when they are skinny? I look in the mirror and see Sexy/Good Dancer/Tall/Brunette/Brazilian - when in all actuality I am none of those things.

Second Talent: the "gift of gab".

I have discovered that is the politically correct way of saying "talks too much".
I have had people instinctively fluff their pillow and turn the other way on an airplane when I have taken my seat. They fake sleep because they can feel that I am a talker. I had a chiropractor laugh uncomfortably at my jokes today because I would not shut up - even while getting my back cracked in two. (p.s. not my regular chiropractor- he has endured years of those corny jokes) I have heard that deep nasal rumble from the other side of the bed right when I am getting to the good part of my story.
Growing up my report cards would have little comments written next to the grades. (this is where my first talent comes in handy- "what, mom, you see a 'c-'? I see an 'A+'!") Inevitably the comment that would follow whatever grade was given would be "Katie is a pleasure to have in class. Talks excessively in class." That's right, I was fun, but man I talked a lot. And this would be written next to every single grade, in every single class, at every single level of my entire academic career!

This brings me to my last real talent. This one gets me in the most trouble of all.

Last Talent: the talent of exaggeration.

What? You didn't know that could be a talent? Then you probably did not know it is hereditary. I got the gift from my mother. (actually my dad is really good at it, but he learned it from my mom) I think everyone in my family has this talent. Some of us don't even know it. I have even heard rules and directions on How to Properly Exaggerate. I think the rule is that whatever you are trying to emphasize needs to be multiplied to the 4th power. (I said that like I even remember what those math terms mean-- I just know you have to make it extreme) For example: Someone who is not talented at exaggerating might say they are "hungry enough to eat a cow". (amateur) A Nelson would say we are "hungry enough to eat two bison" (because all of you Math Geeks know that two bison are a cow to the 4th power). You can't say that you could "eat a cow" because that does seem doable. I have been pretty hungry. And I am capable of eating a lot. So the only way to exaggerate is to make it so extreme there is no room for confusion. Maybe one of you would see an attractive person. You would probably describe him as "good looking" but if exaggeration was your talent it would sound more like "that was the best looking person I have ever witnessed in the flesh".

Don't be jealous of my talents. I am sure you are all good at something...
And besides, this is about how my Talents get me in Trouble.

Take this incident with my back. How does someone with a talent for exaggeration handle all of this?

First off- when I tell my husband of the piercing pain I feel in my back. Do I say "it hurts"? Of course not, I have to equate it to giving birth to Quadruplets with spiky heads. When I get to the Chiropractor and they give me a questionnaire to "rate my pain" I think it is an 8 out of 10, but that won't do, what I need is a 16 out of 10! But I don't want him to think I am being a baby- so do I go the other way? And rate it -3 out of 10?
Then when I get home in my excruciating pain (oh yeah, I was on major pain meds when I got home and the pain was practically non-existent- there I go again- An Exaggeration Within an Exaggeration! the pain has never been "non-existent" that is my way of saying "less painful than before") which to the 4th degree means "excruciating". I decide to mention casually in my Blog that my "back is broken". (because a hurt S.I. joint and a Bulging Disc are actually equivalent to paralysis if you have my talent)

This is when the trouble starts. Emails, Texts, Phone Calls, Singing Telegrams (ok, for those of you who have not figured this out- the telegrams is an exaggeration) all come flooding in with concerns on how I broke my back!

How do I respond to all of this?
Is the pain a 16 out of 10 or -3? Am I on my death bed, or ready to go play tennis? (as if I know how to play tennis) Do I need dinners or can I just whip up Thanksgiving on my own tonight?

Do I even know how to give a straight answer?

So- to apologize for the confusion and to brag about my amazing talents and to help you understand future posts- remember this simple rule: EVERYTHING x FOUR.

You get what you deserve...

2011-08-12T10:26:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading a talk in the General Conference Ensign. (apparently when your back is hurt and your family is out on fun walks without you - you have more time to read articles entitled "As Many as I love, I Rebuke and Chasten"....) I remember this talk from General Conference, but it really hit me today.

Maybe because recently I have found myself thinking this thought "they will get what they deserve" or "what goes around comes around" or whatever horribly judgemental thing we tell ourselves when we see someone "get away with" something that we perceive as wrong. Is there some cruel human part of me that hopes that others who do things that seem mean, hurtful, dishonest, or evil will get some type of "pay back" for those actions? And is that what I think is on God's agenda? As if He does not have better things to do than go after the people who are hurting others and punish them. Does He?

After reading this article I realized He definitely does. Going after the rest of us.

I love the example He gives of the followers of Alma who "established a Zion community in Helam but then were brought into bondage. They did not deserve their suffering - quite the contrary - but the record says:
"Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to chasten His people: yea, He trieth their patience and their faith.
Nevertheless - whosoever putteth his trust in him the same shall be lifted up at the last day. Yea, and thus it was was with this people." (Mosiah 23:21-22

(P.S. My spell check is loving all of these putteth and trieth and other fun words!)

Here it is. The answer to my most difficult questions right in front of me. "why me?"
Why when JT is working so hard is he not accepted? Why have I watched us move up on wait list only to be denied? Why do I hear his colleagues saying in shock that they wrote him good letters of recommendations, that he is the top choice and even they are not being heard? Why - when we are doing all that we should do - why are we not being blessed?

But in reading this article I realize that God is not out looking for those who "deserve" it so that He can "let them have it". He is looking for those who "deserve" it, and chastening us. So that when I am ready, he can "let me have it". All of it.

The other story Elder Christofferson shared was about President Hugh B. Nibley. (It is just too good to paraphrase)

"He told of purchasing a rundown farm in Canada many years ago. As he went about cleaning up and repairing his property, he came across a currant bush that had grown over six feet (1.8 m) high and was yielding no berries, so he pruned it back drastically, leaving only small stumps. Then he saw a drop like a tear on the top of each of these little stumps, as if the currant bush were crying, and thought he heard it say:

“How could you do this to me? I was making such wonderful growth. … And now you have cut me down. Every plant in the garden will look down on me. … How could you do this to me? I thought you were the gardener here.”

President Brown replied, “Look, little currant bush, I am the gardener here, and I know what I want you to be. I didn’t intend you to be a fruit tree or a shade tree. I want you to be a currant bush, and someday, little currant bush, when you are laden with fruit, you are going to say, ‘Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for loving me enough to cut me down.’”

Years later, President Brown was a field officer in the Canadian Army serving in England. When a superior officer became a battle casualty, President Brown was in line to be promoted to general, and he was summoned to London. But even though he was fully qualified for the promotion, it was denied him because he was a Mormon. The commanding general said in essence, “You deserve the appointment, but I cannot give it to you.” What President Brown had spent 10 years hoping, praying, and preparing for slipped through his fingers in that moment because of blatant discrimination. Continuing his story, President Brown remembered:

“I got on the train and started back … with a broken heart, with bitterness in my soul. … When I got to my tent, … I threw my cap on the cot. I clenched my fists, and I shook them at heaven. I said, ‘How could you do this to me, God? I have done everything I could do to measure up. There is nothing that I could have done—that I should have done—that I haven’t done. How could you do this to me?’ I was as bitter as gall.

“And then I heard a voice, and I recognized the tone of this voice. It was my own voice, and the voice said, ‘I am the gardener here. I know what I want you to do.’ The bitterness went out of my soul, and I fell on my knees by the cot to ask forgiveness for my ungratefulness. …

“… And now, almost 50 years later, I look up to [God] and say, ‘Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for cutting me down, for loving me enough to hurt me.’”⁵

I remember hearing this for the first time in April and wanting to cry for the sad little tree.

I love picturing President Nibley shaking his fists at Heaven. Maybe because it is something I think I have done in the last two years. I have asked Why we have been led down this path, why we have completely changed careers and direction? Why someone so qualified as JT can be overlooked? President Nibley knew it was because the Gardener had a better plan in store. I am not sure at what point it all became clear to him. I look forward to that moment when we can look back and say "ah, that is why it happened this way"

For now, I am able to see that Heavenly Father does give us what we deserve. Not because "what goes around, come around" but because I deserve the chance to be pruned back so that I can grow. I deserve the miracle that the people of Alma felt when their burdens were lifted and they were finally delivered. I deserve the opportunity to put my faith in Him and let it be tested. JT deserves an opportunity to prove himself and his capabilities. He deserves the chance to fight for something he wants and loves and not give up when it doesn't go the way he planned.

We are being blessed. Not in the ways we expected. But we do get what we deserve - or at least what Heavenly Father knows we need.

the Pain in My Tooth

2011-07-21T22:10:00.000-07:00

As one of my Not So 90 Day Goals (yes, I just said Not So 90 Day Goals, because our group decided that we wanted our goals to end with the summer, so instead of doing a full 90 days we are doing not so many--- "Not So 90 Day Goals") I am keeping a Daily Tender Mercies Journal. I first heard about it in a talk given by President Eyring in the October 2007 General Conference. He shared this experience that has always stuck out to me about a prompting he received.

"I was supposed to record for my children to read, someday in the future, how I had seen the hand of God blessing our family... I wrote down a few lines every day for years. I never missed a day no matter how tired I was or how early I would have to start the next day. Before I would write, I would ponder this question: “Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?” As I kept at it, something began to happen. As I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done for one of us that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. As that happened, and it happened often, I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done."

I was so impressed with this story. Partly because it was the Dad of the home doing this, not the Mom. I know a lot of Moms who blog, or journal about their kids and their lives. But the idea of a Dad writing down the Tender Mercies he had witnessed for his kids future benefit really touched me.

Hint: To all of you Dads/Husbands out there who read my blog... crickets chirping... (ok, so maybe the only male who reads this is my own Man) if you start now- you would have 9 months of this to give to your Cute Wifie for Mother's Day and she would give you a big kiss and maybe cry and you would win big points at Girl's Night when she brags to her friends about the sweet Journal you made her and you might even get mentioned on my Blog for being that awesome... just an idea.

That brings me to Today's Tender Mercy... which start out as a Pain in my Tooth!
A few months ago Fresh-Out-of-Dental-School-Dentist determined I had a cavity that needed filling. This is my first cavity in well over a decade -almost two! A few days after the filling was done I was in a ton of pain and could no longer eat Peanut Butter M&M's. So I went back in for him to fix it. Which he did. Then a week later I was in pain again. So I went back in for him to fix it. Then a week later I was in pain again. Are you feeling like you have read the same sentence three times? By this point- I am angry. Not only am I unable to eat P.B. M&M's without pain (you will note that I did not give them up- just endured the pain) but I have to keep taking time to go back to the Dentist! Why can my Massage Therapist never mess up? I wouldn't mind going back for a massage every week till she "gets it right". But the Dentist? Every other week? And all he did - besides numb me, shoot me, drill me, and fill me - is give me a lousy Jamba Juice card "for my inconvenience". I wanted to get mad and complain. But the problem is- he is really nice, and young and I am bad at confrontation so I don't knot how to confront him. (Most of you know I have only two settings: Happy/Nice or Very Very Angry/Mean. No in between)

So today I went in. Again. He "fixed" it. Again. And I was mad. Again.

Then tonight, when I sat down to write in my Tender Mercies Journal, I thought of him. (and how I am angry but too scared to go Crazy Very Very Angry Katie on him) I asked myself what had happened today to show me that Heavenly Father loves me, or that I am blessed. And you know what thought came to my mind?

The time I was on my mission in Madagascar and I chipped my tooth drinking out of a glass bottle of Passion Soda (which is my favorite beverage of all time and is making me drool and tear up just thinking about) (by the way- in a 3rd World Country- it is probably best to never drink form the bottle...P.S. who likes my back to back parenthesis? I do.) There I was- in Madagascar with a broken tooth. My companion laughed at the idea of us finding a "dentist" to work on it. So I went to my make up bag, pulled out my nail file and took matters into my own hands. (who knew they would teach my Dentistry in Beauty School?)

So as I sat with my Journal I realized it isn't so bad to have to go back to the Dentist over and over and over again. At least I have Fresh-Out-of-Dental-School-Dentist to go to. It is better than taking matters into my own hands. Thanks Heavenly Father, for helping me to appreciate the Pain in my Tooth.

Parenting Regrets

2011-07-16T14:20:00.000-07:00

We started out the day excited to make Strawberry Jam. We headed out in search of the last berries of the season (because that is the way we roll, unlike my mom who got us out early picking our own berries). After what felt like a scavenger hunt for berries we ended up with a flat of giant strawberries and a half flat of beautiful raspberries. I could almost taste the strawberry jam in my Swedish Pancakes and the Raspberry Sauce drizzled over my White Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake. I could see me and my kids in our aprons hovering over the sink of washed berries. I could see myself pretending not to notice them sneaking berries into their mouths even though Blake's berry smeared cheeks would give it away.

It would be a wonderful day full of laughter, finger licks, and memories...

Until we pulled into our driveway. In the moment it took me to get out of my seat and round the car to scoop up the berries from the passenger seat my visions were shattered.

It was chaos. (ok, maybe not chaos, but I like the dramatic affect of that word) Riley was yelling, Blake was frantic and I was in shock.

"Mom!! Blake spilled the Blackberries!!!" (she meant Raspberries but the guy selling us the strawberries saw them and kept asking if they were blackberries, I used my amazing Spanish to spell out Raspberries for him - I am pretty proud of myself)

As I opened the door I found Blake kneeling on the dividing console between the front seats, up to his elbows in smushed berries. We have asked him before to not climb into the front seat, but Riley had hopped up to check her Lip Gloss in the review mirror (I don't know where she learned that...) and Blake had followed after her. Somehow, I am still not sure, he managed to knock the Half Flat of Raspberries all over the entire front of the car. He was frantically trying to pick them up, but the berries just squished in his pudgy little hands making raspberry juice all over the driver's seat.

I lost it.

The next thing I knew I was shouting. Kids were being hurled into the house to sit on the stairs in Time Out. As I stood surveying the mess that somehow covered the steering wheel, console, both front seats and the carpet on the ground (how could one half flat cover so much??) the anger grew. I saw the $15 dollars I had just spent on the berries, I saw the berry juice oozing, I saw the carpets staining, and felt my blood pressure rising. By now, the kids are all wailing inside the house. I am not sure if they were trying to wake up JT to come to their defense (but after working last night- he was pretty out of it) or to see if I would take pity on their sobs.

I tried to channel my Mother. I pictured her standing over a freshly baked cake that she had spent hours decorating to be an exact replica of the Boy Scout Emblem for my brother's Eagle Scout Court of Honor. She was staring at a broken water balloon that we had thrown over her cake and had somehow come down right on her cake. (why were even throwing water balloons in the house? good question.) That same anger was boiling under her skin.

But she didn't yell. She calmly told us and our friends to get out of the kitchen and go home. Actually I think it was more of a warning.

I pictured her coming home from a day of selling her crafts at a bazaar to a house that we flooded when we filled the tub for an Apple Bobbing Contest at my Halloween Party. And when I say filled the tub, I mean we forgot we were filling the tub and it ran over and all the way down the hall before we remembered. Again, no yelling.

I even picture her finding me, as an adult in beauty school, trying to clean up hot wax I had spilled on her living room carpet, where my sister-in-law and I thought it would be a good place to wax her eyebrows... Again, no yelling.

As these scenarios flashed through my mind I knew there was only one thing I could do. Go back into the house where my little children were sobbing on the stairs in time out- and yell some more!!

What is wrong with me? Why did it feel so good just to yell?! That is not what I saw as a child. Or what I want my kids to remember from "the Great Day we made Strawberry Jam". And yet, I did.

After about an hour the car was clean. To my surprise (and embarrassment) I got most of the raspberries out of the carpet and the little cracks and crevices. The kids were eager to help. Especially Blake.

Looking back at "the Great Day we made Strawberry Jam" I keep thinking of my parenting regrets.

That I yelled (not just raised my voice- but full on yelled) at my small children for an accident.

That I failed at the goal of all children: "to be better than our own parents".

That I missed a chance to snuggle and ask forgiveness from a frightened sad child.

and maybe most of all:

That I did not take a picture.
Because what was tragic, and frustrating, and horrible today-- would make a funny blog post tomorrow.

well, now that's embarrassing

2011-07-11T15:11:00.000-07:00

You know the time you read my blog about how I am living my dreams of traveling and helping others who are less fortunate? The one where I was so excited to try to speak Spanish and spend a week in Bolivia?

Oh, what? You don't really read or remember my Blog posts? Oh, well, now that's embarrassing for me also.

So- those of you who DO read this Blog from time to time and were really excited for me and my adventure... we have some bad news.

We are not going after all. It is so hard to go from telling the world that I am excited to do something to turn around and say-- "well, actually...."

But as we prepared for it- something just did not feel right. I worried and prayed and tried to figure it out. I tried to rationalize the feelings and continue as planned. But the more I did that- the sicker I felt. We did not feel true peace about the whole thing until we firmly decided not to go.

We don't really know why. It is frustrating when you get a prompting and never know why. I hope that there is a reason. And I hope that it becomes clear to us. But for now- we will go with our gut and just stay home.

On the happier side-- JT did find out he is #1 on the Wait List for Rochester University. So I guess there is still the chance that someone will drop out and we will be headed off on an adventure to New York... Keep your fingers crossed. :)

(and that would be a really good reason not to go to Bolivia)

It was the BEST of times....

2011-06-24T14:13:00.000-07:00

It was the best of times, It was the worst of times...

Charles Dickens really nailed it when he wrote those words. I recently reread A Tale of Two Cities by Dickens. We read it in High School (but I was slacking off and just skimmed it) and it was my best friend's favorite book (or so I thought until this afternoon) and so I decided I would see what the fuss was all about and reread it. I loved it. It may be one of my new FAVORITES! It has everything - suspense, romance, deceit, and real vocabulary words that you can't find in the young adult section of the library that I have been reading lately! lol

But this is not a book review. This is a life review

Aforementioned "best friend" (that is right, in honor of Dickens I used a fabulous word like aforementioned) came to visit today. Lisa and I have known each other since 6th grade. And by our Senior year of High School we were pretty much inseparable - until the day she left for BYU. I was devastated. And to make it worse her roommate was none other than Ashlee Riding (whose HS boyfriend played Baseball with my HS boyfriend and I was under the assumption that she was a bit snobby...) But soon they were having the best time in Provo while I was struggling to keep things on track in Washington. (that's right, Ashlee was stealing my Bestie!! I think we are still fighting over her today!) So - I packed up my car and moved to Provo (I was planning on attending Beauty School in UT, but ended up moving back here). For the next few months I did EVERYTHING with Lisa and her roommates. It was a good time for me to sort out where I wanted my life to go.

I think we could have applied Dickens' phrase "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" to that Freshman year in Provo. I think we each went through our own struggles and faced some of our own demons. But we had each other. (and dances at "the Wilk" to take our minds off of things) But that Phrase might be even more true TODAY.

I REALLY thought that ALL my PROBLEMS would be OVER when I got married. In fact Lisa and Ashlee both got married about 6 years before I got around to it, and I envied them. I thought that Life was HARD for those of us who were single- still LOOKING for "the One" But today- after everyone left my house to go to their own families (instead of staying up all night in the dorm room) I realized that LIFE IS STILL HARD!

It is a DIFFERENT kind of HARD now. We each have our own struggles. And are still facing our own demons. And yet- it felt WONDERFUL to be together again. It DID feel like THE BEST OF TIMES! Their "big kids" were thoughtful and patient with my little kids. We still like eating brownies right out of the pan! Although I think we use to eat Ashlee's Jello Cake out of the pan back then. We still talk about the same things... although instead of Dances at the Wilk it is Zumba or Yoga at the Gym! We still LAUGH and LOVE EACH OTHER. (even though we don't just live to two blocks away)

And EVEN THOUGH we have struggles (some REALLY HARD struggles) I think we can still smile and say it might be the WORST of times- but it really is STILL the BEST of TIMES when we are together!

Right HERE I should insert an awesome picture of us all with our arms around each other back when we were kids. But you know me better than that...

So you will just have to picture two REALLY CUTE BLONDS who look almost IDENTICAL (to the point that Blake could not tell them apart today!) and then me. (wah wah)

And you'll have to think of YOUR OWN BESTIES (I just heard that phrase the other night and now I can not stop using it! I thought BFF was good, but Bestie?! it's awesome!) and think of how you survive your Best and Worst times together, and then get sentimental and call them and tell them you love them and were thinking about them because some girl with a blog was blubbering about her friends and it made you miss yours. (By the way, Ashlee, I said think of YOUR OWN bestie-- not mine! JK I think I have decided we can both SHARE Lisa... since I don't think I will win that one)

ANYWAYS -- Really do love you both, Lisa and Ashlee. You are both women I have ALWAYS admired and loved and been grateful to be friends with. I don't think I would be where I am today without friends like you that have seen me through some of my WORST of times and my personal demons and continued to love me.

It IS the BEST of Times.

Should I stay or should I go?

2011-06-20T21:13:00.000-07:00

Should I stay or should I go now?

If I go there will be trouble

And if I stay it will be double

So come on and let me know--

SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?

Who knew that the Clash would be singing lyrics that are so relevant to MOTHERHOOD?

Here is the question of the day- WHEN TO LEAVE THE PARTY?

Anyone else have a problem with rounding up there little ones to leave a party, or a park, or Grandma's house, or ANY event that IS NOT HOME? It is DRIVING ME NUTS! I am starting to consider NOT GOING to fun things because I KNOW LEAVING will be AWFUL!! Often I try to avoid going places in the evenings without JT. It is SO much more exhausting for me to get the kids rounded up to go home when I am on my own. (and feeling like "the bad guy") But this has transferred over into EVERYTHING. Play dates at friends'. Going to the Park. Even going to Fred Meyer! WHY is it that LEAVING anything is such an ordeal??

I have been TRYING to figure WHAT the MAGIC TIME is for the TIME TO GO? I can tell you when it is EXACTLY 5 minutes AFTER the TIME we SHOULD have LEFT... because that is when it goes from "Having Fun" to "Absolute BREAK DOWN". But I am only aware of that when the BREAK DOWN happens.

So the only TRUE INDICATOR that I can see for WHEN I SHOULD GO- is WHEN I AM JUST STARTING TO RELAX.

You know the point when everyone has been fed, when they have settled into an area to play that is keeping their interest, when I have sat down and am actually in a conversation that doesn't necessitate a referee or a time out, when I am thinking to myself "Now THIS is why we came!"

THAT IS THE POINT WHEN I SHOULD JUST GET UP AN GO.

Because it is always 5 minutes into that adult conversation, that peace and quiet, that relaxation - that the BREAK DOWNS BEGIN and I realize it is a half hour past bed time and we still have to load into the stroller and walk home.

SO- NEXT TIME we are at an "EVENT" together. (Whether that is the zoo, the park, or even just your home) and you see me settling in and starting to relax... PLEASE SIGNAL ME and TELL ME TO GO HOME. :)

THE Father's Day Post

2011-06-16T13:51:00.000-07:00

This is a TRICKY one seeing as how I have more than one father in my life. How do I say everything I want about each of them?

The first most obvious Father is the Father of my Children. *sigh* I just smiled thinking about him. That shows just how much I love that guy. When we were dating I SUSPECTED he would be a Good Dad. He loved his little sisters and they adored him. He was eager to meet my nieces and nephews and patient as they all climbed on him. He was adoring to me, so I figured this would probably flow over onto our children. But I really had NO idea...

I didn't know then that when he held Riley for the first time in the Hospital that the whole room would tingle and glow. I didn't know that he could look at anyone the way he looked at her. I didn't know that he would be better at changing diapers, rocking to sleep, packing a diaper bag, and wearing a baby front pack than I would ever be. I didn't know that he would glow the same way when he held his son the first time. Or that Blake would soon replace his brothers as his Best Friend. I didn't know that he could find so much joy in wrestling, taking walks, and reading stories. I didn't know he would get so excited for things like swing sets, family nights, and the world's best stroller! I didn't know then that he would come home after working a 12 hour shift through the night and NEVER be grumpy with me or his kids. In fact he would even be excited to see us, get us breakfast, or just snuggle. I didn't know then that being a "Good Dad" also meant being an amazing partner for me and make me a better mother. I didn't know it would make me fall even deeper in love with him.

Really, I should have known by meeting his dad. JT has a really special relationship with his own dad. I have NEVER heard him speak an UNKIND word about his father. NEVER. (which I just realized is a trait he shares with my own dad who I have never heard be negative about his own father!) He really is JT's hero. He taught him a love for sports, and ALL things outdoor. He taught him a love of family and service and hard work. He taught him to honor his Priesthood and his Temple Covenants (which means more to me than any lesson he could have learned) He taught him to laugh and have fun. In fact, one of the first memories I have of his dad was them Wrestling in their house! This shocked me! They were grown men wrestling over furniture! This taught me how laid back my Mother in Law is to let her "boys be boys" but also how much my Father in Law loves to have fun.

Wednesday night, when our Washing Machine broke (which is a whole other post) my father in law was here at 11:00 p.m. to help JT fix it. This is not the first time he has been here in the middle of the night to rescue us. (he was the one I called when our dishwasher flooded right after we bought our house) As I sat in the kitchen listening and helping when I could (by retrieving flashlights and m&m's) I was really touched. I don't think his Dad knows a whole lot about Washing Machines. But he came right away because he loves his son, and he LOVES working with his sons. I think they actually ENJOYED working on the washer together! I am so grateful that he always let JT help him around the house and on the cars and other projects. I see this so often as I watch Blake and Riley carrying tools around to assist JT in whatever project he is working on. From hanging pictures, to changing locks, to mowing the lawn, and washing the cars, he always has helpers and is so patient as he teaches them what he is doing.

But he is not the only Dad I have called when I need rescuing. In the MTC I remember feeling like I needed some support from home. I wasn't sure what I needed until my dad wrote me a letter asking me about the ins and outs of the Mission Life. I agreed to send him letters with details if he would send me letters about his own mission. These proved to be the BEST letters I received my entire mission. My companions and I enjoyed reading the amazing stories from his mission. From traveling in a VW bus to eating yogurt off of the rooftop. It was a strength to me- and I am not sure if he even knows it. He also TRIED to teach me a love of sports, of camping, and working. Unfortunately I was not as receptive as JT was with his dad! But he hung in there and I can proudly say I DO NOT "throw like a girl" and I am a decent shot with a basketball thanks to him. One of my favorite Dad Memories was when he took me to buy my first car. A baby blue 1965 VW Bug. *sighs again*. He was so excited for me. I think he was proud of me for earning and saving enough money to buy my "dream car". I vividly remember that he was as excited as I was- and that meant so much to me! I also remember a time when I was younger and really struggling. I had made some big mistakes and I was scared to tell my parents. I knew I needed to tell them, so I called one afternoon from out of state to talk. It was the hardest conversation I have ever had with them. I prepared myself to hear the disappointment in their voices, maybe even anger. Instead I will never forget my dad's response as he gently told me how PROUD he was of me! Did he hear me wrong? No. He said he knew how hard this was for me and he was proud of me for coming to them. no anger. not even disappointment. just love. I think I have underestimated the power and depth of my own Dad's love for me. What better lesson could he teach me than unconditional love and forgiveness?

And how could that not make me think of my Heavenly Father on this Father's Day?

The TRUE example of what every Dad wants to be.

The Father that is ALWAYS patient. Always forgiving. Always understanding. Always listening. Always building. Always blessing. Always giving. Always knowing. Always teaching. Always loving.

No wonder I have such amazing Fathers surrounding me! JT, his Dad, and my own Dad. They all have the best example to follow.

Happy Father's Day. I love you all so much.

THE WAITLIST...

2011-06-06T14:09:00.001-07:00

How many times can I write a post about getting on the WAIT LIST before everyone stops reading my Blog because it seems to be THE SAME STORY OVER...and OVER... and OVER???

Well, in case you missed the FIRST TIME (in 2010) when we got put on the WAIT LIST for Pacific University in Oregon, or if you missed the SECOND TIME (in 2010) when we got put on the WAIT LIST for Chattham University- Puerto Rico, here is your chance to read about the THIRD TIME we are on the WAIT LIST!

This time (2011) for ROCHESTER UNIVERSITY in Rochester New York.

That's right. Here we go AGAIN.

Is this a sick joke? Have we not felt like the Beauty Pageant RUNNER UP long enough?? Can our mail box be any more cursed?

It is exhausting. It is hard enough to painfully wait for results in the mail. It is hard enough to have the interviewer tell JT good job and that he would be recommended for admission. But to add three more months to the TORTURE??

I am not trying to sound UNGRATEFUL here. "It is an Honor just to be nominated" (oops, that was from the speech I wrote for myself to humbly accept that I did not Win the Academy Award and act like I was happy for Angelina Jolie who stole it from me) What I meant was - we are glad that he is being CONSIDERED. That it isn't just a FLAT OUT REJECTION, those hurt even worse. (I think Miss Washington knows that - she almost never makes it to the top ten for Miss America) But seriously.

Seriously.

The one thing I have learned from this story... that keeps repeating itself OVER... and OVER... and OVER AGAIN:

I am NOT giving up on JT. He is FIRST place to me. If this was me. If I was the one getting put on waitlist after waitlist I think I might have given up on myself. Thrown in the towel. Taken the role in the Cheesy Romantic Comedy (oops, back to me and my Academy Award). But this isn't about me. It is about JT. And I believe in him. And I will continue to support him.

And Most of all...

I WILL WAIT WITH HIM.

Sunny Half Day Syndrome

2011-06-04T07:57:00.000-07:00

You know when it has been RAINING for WEEKS (or even MONTHS)? And then you get a SUNNY DAY (or the first TWO sunny days in a ROW in over 7 months)? And you HAVE to abandon your plans ENTIRELY to get outside and ENJOY it?

My Little Sister calls this

THE SUNNY HALF DAY SYNDROME

This dates back to our High School Days and the panic we would feel on those rare Half Days that it was sunny. It is EXCITING ENOUGH as a Teenager to get half of a day off school (especially when it shortens all of your classes to 20 mins. rendering them useless to the teacher and in effect giving us a WHOLE day OFF since we don't actually THINK during the half day we are in school). But when you add the POSSIBILITY that the day may ALSO be SUNNY- it creates a dangerous EFFECT.

We suddenly PANIC. Our minds go into OVERDRIVE fearing that we MIGHT WASTE THE ONLY SUNNY HALF DAY THAT WE MAY EVER GET!!!!

We feel the COMPULSION to BE OUTSIDE the ENTIRE DAY. We feel the NECESSITY to "Live it up" since it MAY NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

I see this Carry Over even into Adulthood.

The SUN IS OUT. And Panic has set in.
What are all of the FUN things I have been WAITING to do all WINTER?

Bike Ride
Ferry Boat
Hike
Swimming
Picnic
Camping
Water Park
Fountains
BBQ
Fly a Kite
Go to the Beach

How on EARTH can I fit it ALL in TODAY?!!
(because one of the Effects of the SYNDROME is the INABILITY to BELIEVE this PHENOMENON may EVER HAPPEN AGAIN!!) SO - it has to ALL fit in today!

Can I BBQ on a ferry? What if I ride my Bike TO the Camp Ground? And Maybe there is a Fountain there? Does the Water Park close early? Because I can't make it there until After the Hike? Oh And then Another Picinc for dinner! But that will have to be in the car on the way to the Beach. But we will keep the Windows Down so we FEEL the sun! (we don't want to waste it, you know) And then all the way back to the Camp Ground! (with the KITE flying out the sun roof the whole way)

It's sounds exhausting I Know!
But WHEN will we EVER get a SUNNY HALF DAY (or TWO BACK to BACK DAYS of 70 degrees) AGAIN???!!!!!

Plain Old Katie

2011-05-31T22:27:00.000-07:00

P.S. Can you START with a "P.S."??? well-- I am going to.

P.S. I have NEVER referred to myself as Plain Old before.... it is almost PAINFUL to write...

Plain Old Katie

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to spend an afternoon alone. I was on my home from the Temple (so I was dressed in a skirt and heels and even jewelery -- since my one year old wasn't around to suck on it or pull it out of my ears) I wasn't on much of a time constraint (like I usually am when running errands) and I was suffering from a mild case of FRUGAL FATIGUE. (you know the stress you feel when you are in search of something you NEED but you want the BEST DEAL??--"Frugal Fatigue") and I decided for Old Time's Sake I would stop by a 7-11 for a Good Old DIET COKE.

It has been roughly 4 years since I entered a 7-11. Ok, that is an exaggeration. But since I have had to UNLOAD and UNBUCKLE CHILDREN for EVERY PIT STOP, I have taken to abandoning "convenience stores". ( not to mention that my children have inherited my obsession with said stores and their abundance of overpriced necessities like Diet Coke, Peach Rings, and Cheetos) But this was a SPECIAL OCCASION:

I WAS ALONE.

I noticed something peculiar, yet strangely familiar in the 7-11. People were friendly to me. One guy let me go ahead of him in line. (This is NOT peculiar for me-- I frequently find people at Costco diving OUT of line to let me and my cart filling children go first. They say things like "I remember those days" or "Looks like you have your hands full, why don't you go ahead" or even "the natives are getting restless, huh?") But this guy let me go ahead WITHOUT CHILDREN! What?! On my way out of the store (after handing the cashier the correct amount of change without holding a baby on one hip and digging in my purse with the "free" hand that is trying to keep Blake from EATING the 10th piece of candy he has pulled off of the shelf) another wonderfully Familiar PHENOMENON happened:

Two men, who stood in conversation at the door, moved quickly to it to OPEN it FOR ME! I was shocked! I practically sang THANK YOU as I hugged and kissed the stranger. Ok, I didn't hug or kiss him - just wanted to see if you were still reading this blog that has gotten increasingly longer than intended... The man's reply to my delighted gratitude was "It's not every day I get to open the door for a Beautiful Young Lady". NOW is when I KISSED HIM! ok, I still did not kiss him. But I couldn't believe what shocked me MORE--- that he called me a YOUNG LADY or that he opened the door for me AND NOT because my arms were full of 6 gallons of milk, or because I was corralling my small army of kids, or even because I looked so exhausted that I may not be able to PUSH the door open myself. He opened it for PLAIN OLD KATIE. JUST FOR ME.(and maybe my sassy heels)

I spent the entire day REVELLING in the pleasure it was TO BE ME. To remember how much I use to love an Ice Cold 7-11 Diet Coke. To remember the JOY of walking in HEALS without worrying about tripping with a 20 lb baby in my arms. To remember the FEEL of JEWELRY that dangles - free of slobber and crumbs. To remember a day without the time constraints of nap time, potty brakes, and bed time. To just be me.

OF COURSE I will add that HAVING those little slobbery fingers on my earrings, the potty breaks at EVERY store, and the nap times right in the MIDDLE of my day- do actually MAKE MY LIFE WONDERFUL. In NO WAY do I regret ALL of the HAPPINESS and JOY I receive from those little "natives" that fill my life. It would feel EMPTY without THEM. That is NOT what I am saying.

SIMPLY put- sometimes I like to BE JUST PLAIN OLD KATIE... however UNPLAIN that actually is.

the second date AND Bolivia

2011-05-23T14:42:00.000-07:00

For our second date (I am not counting the dinner I mentioned in my previous Blog about Mother's Day - since that was Sunday Dinner at his family's house and Jt's attempt to keep me from going out with the other guy I had previously been dating.. so it doesn't count) Jt took me to help a friend move (in true Elder's Quorum President fashion) and then out to a movie. After the movie we sat in his car talking. (yes, TALKING, NOT Kissing)

We all know the story of how I chased him. How I loved seeing him serve in the church and found myself thinking how I wished I could find a guy LIKE him... and then realized I shouldn't keep looking for another guy LIKE him, I should just go for HIM! I had no idea at the time how perfect for me he was.

As we sat in the car talking, I immediately realized he was DIFFERENT then the other guys I was dating. When he talked about his mission his face lit up. Many of the other guys I found myself dating had all but forgotten their missions. And most thought I was crazy for how much I still talked about mine. I could find guys who were active, and some who were even faithful in their callings, but few who still had that Missionary Glow. Our conversation turned from the missions we had served to the missions we WANTED to serve. To the desire we both had to be back in the mission field with our future spouses. (yes, Jt was already HINTING that it would be me-- once I got him to ask me out- he moved quickly!) We talked of the places we would like to go, and the people we would like to serve. We weren't dreaming of "growing up" and being rich. Of having a boat or a giant house. We were dreaming of holding hands and traveling around the world. Of returning to Madagascar to build orphanages and teach life skills. Of going to South America to speak Spanish and build schools and clean water. And even back to Africa to hold sick babies and comfort mothers. We talked about the things we may have to sacrifice to live these kinds of dreams. Of possibly moving with our children, or spending our retirement on medical supplies rather than cruises. But it was obvious how sincere we both were and excited to find someone who shared our same dreams.

We didn't know then what we know now. We had no idea then that Jt would want to change careers. He was successful at Real Estate and enjoyed the freedom of being his own boss. We didn't know that it might be possible to start living those dreams before we are retired.

So here we are- almost 7 years since that Second Date. A LOT has changed. But some things never change.

We are planning our trip to Bolivia with a group of Doctor's that JT's brother knows. We will be helping with the Children there. Hopefully with their schools, educating them about Malaria and Dengue Fever and who knows what else! We will be leaving our own children for over a week! (which sounds crazy!) But we really WILL be LIVING a DREAM!

I still can't believe it. It seems unreal to do something like this. Especially right now! But I am excited to see that the Boy I fell in love with almost 7 years ago is still the same boy. He is even better than he was on that date. (mostly because he doesn't drag me along to help people move on our dates anymore!!)

It has been a TOUGH couple of years as other dreams have remained JUST out of REACH. So it is refreshing to remember that we have 3 beautiful children (I just had a typo that said 2 beautiful children... that could have been awkward!), a house in a ward we love with inspiring friends, and families that love and support us. SO apparently LOTS of our dreams have already come true!

... only a Mother could love....

2011-05-07T21:34:00.000-07:00

We've all heard the Phrase:
A FACE THAT ONLY A MOTHER COULD LOVE...

Well in honor of MOTHER'S DAY-- I give you a Face that ONLY My Mother could love:

It gets better.... wait for it....

That is right, My Mom LOVED Jabba the Hut! Or as my Family actually called me "The Michelin Man" because my arms and legs and tummy and neck, ok EVERYTHING looked like it was made out of tires like the Michelin Tires Man!

And Now I give you: THE MOTHER that LOVED THAT FACE, and neck, and legs....

There she is, the woman who gave me LIFE (and maybe a little too much to eat! just kidding). This is the woman who let me wear a Tutu EVERYDAY (accept at Disney Land, and I am still a little bitter about that) when I was five just because I wanted to. (I owe her my free spirit for that) This is the woman who made the best birthday cakes of any mom I knew. (I owe her my love of Cup Cakes and the joy of piping frosting) This is the woman who taught me funny songs around the camp fire on family camp outs. (I owe her my love of music... or at least the funny stuff!) This is the woman who helped me highlight my hair when she caught me skipping school having a REALLY REALLY BAD DAY even though coloring our hair was against her rules! (I owe her my understanding and flexibility to not sweat the small stuff) This is the woman who opened my Mission Call and told me over the phone when I was scared to go that she had read it and KNEW that "in ALL the WORLD this is where My Katie should go". (I owe her the strength to open my already opened mission call and GO on my mission - which has been one of the BEST DECISIONS of my life) This is the woman who called home from her Mission in Washington D.C. when Riley was born to tell me she would be able to come home for a weekend and see my newborn baby! I don't think she knew how much it meant to me to show her my new baby girl. (I owe her a lot of tears for that one)

She did ALL OF THAT for that "little" baby girl with a Face that only a MOTHER could love.

Now, she is not my ONLY MOTHER.

I have one more. This woman gave me my GREATEST GIFT ever. A WONDERFUL HUSBAND.

This is JT with his Grandpa Davis (Shauna's Dad) Whom we named Blake after (Blake DAVIS)

JT is the bottom left :) sorry, I didn't have any Baby Pics- so he just gets toddler pics!!

JT is on the left with the cool hat, his little brother is on the lawn mower with the pizza! too cute to pass this one up!

And now I give you the Mother who gave me her son:

There she is: The woman who gave me the Love of My Life. (and because of him, 3 beautiful children- so I owe her a lot of my happiness). This is the woman who I fell in love with first. (that's right, on our 2nd "date" I met his mom and fell in love! I HOPED I would fall in LOVE with JT so that she could be my mother in law! So I guess I owe her the fact that I even Love her son!) This is the woman who welcomed me into her home and family after only 3 weeks of dating her son! (I owe her my immediate acceptance and comfort in her home) This is the woman who shares my talent for weeping! (she may be the only person who tears up more than I do! I owe her a few tears for that!) This is the woman who invites me to sing around the piano with her on Sundays or Holidays (which is better than dessert for me! and that is saying alot. I owe her the love JT has for music) This is the woman who has been an example of Quiet Dignity. (something I strived to attain on my mission with little success-- obviously. I owe her my desire to keep trying!) This is the woman who lets me lay around her pool all summer long, or at least the 3 days that it is warm around here! (I owe her my Vitamin D and the 3 freckles I get each year!)

So there you have it. My Mothers. How blessed am I to have two wonderful women to look up to, be friends with, and love??

Happy Mother's Day. Thanks for "Loving Our Faces."

90 Day Goal... over

2011-05-01T21:13:00.000-07:00

So, I couldn't go to the 90 Day Goal Finale, which has REALLY been bothering me! I remember an elder on my mission saying "you are only as good as your follow up"-- I love this. You can set goals all day long, but if you are never accountable, if you never "follow up" to see how your commitments are going - you are never truly successful! So since I could not follow up with the Goal Group - I will Follow Up with all of you!

FINANCIAL:
Attend Dave Ramsey 13 Week Seminar
Focus on Budget

How I did: **** (that is my star rating 4 out of 5 stars)
We went to the Classes and LOVED them! I learned alot and it really helped to get my mind thinking differently about money. (my "new" jeans from a Thrift Store, going on Free Dates with my man, trying to "live like no one else so I can live like no one else" as Dave says) This has been challenging. I still have not been as diligent with my budget as I would like, but I am improving. (and the stops by Target have significantly decreased!)

Spiritual:
Go to my Scriptures with a Question Each Night
Attend the Temple twice a month

How I did: ***** (five out of five)
I obviously feel REALLY GOOD about this one! I only missed a handful of days with my Question Journal so I now have an amazing Journal of questions and answers I found daily in my Scriptures. This has been Life Changing for me. I am AMAZED at the process of Kneeling in Prayer and Asking Heavenly Father what Question to ask in my Scripture Study that night. ( I have intentions of a Future Blog Post with some of those experiences) I will say that my understanding of Heavenly Father's WILLINGNESS to answer our hearts' questions has increased, my confidence in my own ability to receive Revelation on a DAILY BASIS has been reignited, and my love for the scriptures has deepened.

We also did Pretty Good at the Temple Attendance. I went 5 times, I aimed for 6 - so I fell short, but still - 5 times in 3 months is not bad!!

PHYSICAL:
Work out 5x a Week
Train for a Half Marathon
Eat TWO Veggies a Day
Eat One Treat a Week

How I did: **** (4 out of 5... sorta)
This is a HARD one to rate. I only had ONE WEEK where I DID NOT work out 5 days!! (and that was last week when my kids were sick, and having surgery and stuff!) So I TOTALLY NAILED IT! I feel SO GOOD! It has been a strange Roller Coaster at the with working out. In training for the Half Marathon I have had a LOT of knee problems. (which have included me hobbling down the road 2 miles from home crying because it hurt so bad and because I was SO angry to feel like a quiter and embarrassed because about 10 of you drove past and honked and waved and I must have looked so pathetic!!) Anyways- I am still wrestling with the Half Marathon thing... I have been in denial that this is a "real" problem, but I am starting to become aware that it is. I feel sick to my stomach that I am not running a Half next week like I planned. I feel like a quiter. I feel like a wimp. And yet, when I have run lately, I feel such an intense pain I can't continue. This is ALSO something for a future blog post...

On to the Eating Habits... this really gets about ** stars... Mostly because it was the HARDEST part of the 90 Day challenge for me. (emotionally difficult) Not very many weeks that I was 100% successful at this. And I was really trying hard!!! (my finger accidentally bumped the @ sign just now, so it looked like this !!!@... which looks like a swear word -- which is how I have felt!!) I have learned alot about my eating habits. I think I eat Treats to fill a void left by Hubbie who is gone in the evenings. I have found myself tormented by the NEED to have a handful of skittles at night, or to eat some ice cream while doing laundry alone. BUT I have noticed that the cravings have dropped SIGNIFICANTLY in these few months. And my will power has increased! And the amount of treats in our cupboards and freezer has dropped to almost non existent! Yeah! (this may be the FIRST time in our Marriage that we DON'T have ICE CREAM in our FREEZER!!) I am REVISING this to add a * (making that 3 stars!) this WAS SO HARD- I need to give myself a little more credit. We have come a LONG way-- and that was through TWO CANDY HOLIDAYS!! Valentines and Easter!!!

The Veggies... a definite IMPROVEMENT! I was not a Lunch Time Veggie Eater- and that has improved a lot. I can do better, like all things. But I feel pretty good knowing there are Celery and Peppers and Carrots in my fridge right now JUST for snacking!

MENTAL:
Learn Spanish

How I did: "ratsy be" *** (3 out of 5)
That says "very bad" in Malagasy. That is because - My Spanish is still so poor that I am THINKING IN MALAGASY! When I hear ANY foreign language my mind AUTOMATICALLY SWITCHES to MALAGASY! I have had GOOD months and BAD months with this goal. It has been challenging to Self Motivate and Self Direct with a Foreign Language... I think I need a CLASS or at least a better PROGRAM to keep me on task. I also think it was a big one to bite off, as far as time is concerned. Focusing on an hour or so at the gym each day, my daily routines, eating better, and organizing my pics, scripture study, etc doesn't leave me with a lot of FREE time for studying more... With that excuse out of the way- I will admit I could have/should have done better. I think this is the one I am most disappointed in. When I set this goal, it was with the hope that we would be moving to Puerto Rico, I think I lost some momentum when we didn't get accepted... With that excuse out of the way - I have to say--I STILL NEED TO LEARN SPANISH!!!! so-- this is going back onto the pile for the next round of 90 Day Goals.. I will just need to tweak it a little.

PERSONAL:
Organize my Pictures
Wake up at 7am
Pray Before I leave my Bedroom in the morning
5 mins of Daily Planning

How I did: **** (4 out of 5)
This SHOULD have been 5 stars. But this last month just kind of fell apart for me on some areas. (mostly the planning, which is weird since I LOVED the planning the first two months!!) I also struggled with sleep this past month, so waking up at 7 was harder... and Riley has been sleeping in so I was being lazy and waking up with her. :(
BUT UNTIL THIS MONTH- I WAS ROCKIN IT! I LOVED waking up early and getting going on my day! I loved having my days clearly planned out and felt much more successful.
The prayer thing has gone well too. It also helps me make my bed, which is nice.

The PICTURES...
This is a BIG ONE. My pictures have haunted my for YEARS! I have been overwhelmed by them. Digital Pictures are a dangerous combination of some of my biggest weaknesses! Technology and Organization! AAAGGGHHHHHHHH!! The more I tried, the worse it got! So I am HAPPY to say that I OVERCAME all of my Debilitating Anxiety about "where to start" and just dove in! I have organized hundreds of pictures, I have even downloaded pictures from my camera to my computer within days of taking them (usually I FILL my camera card with hundreds of pictures before I am willing to download them to my computer - all because I never knew how to organize them, so they were safer on the camera!!), I have labeled pictures, and even PRINTED pictures!

I think that the big victory on this is NOT the pictures themselves. (although it is wonderful!) The Victory is taking something that is TRULY MY WEAKNESS, something that HONESTLY GIVES ME ANXIETY, and something that BRINGS ME GUILT because I don't WANT to be the Mommy who DOESN'T POST PICS to facebook or my blog or ANYWHERE and the one who makes cute photo books for my kids and has memories of us in our home, AND I have LOOKED all of this in the EYE and CHANGED IT!! I tried something HARD. Something that OVERWHELMS me. And I did it. It really gives me the courage to TRY SOMETHING else!

Here is a Picture we took a week ago and now it is on my blog! I am a SUCCESS!!! P.S. this is our SECOND EVER picture of the Family where EVERYONE is LOOKING at the CAMERA!! THAT is a SUCCESS!

So- there you go. 90 Days.
It was HARD. It was WONDERFUL. It really was LIFE CHANGING.
I need a few weeks to recover, to get back to some of the things that had to be neglected at the cost of accomplishing other goals, but I am looking forward to doing it again.

I BELIEVE I CAN BE AMAZING. I believe I can DO amazing, and DIFFICULT things. And I believe I WILL ONLY DO BIG THINGS by SETTING BIG GOALS and HAVING BIG DREAMS.

Little Lessons

2011-04-26T19:50:00.000-07:00

Every now and then - While sitting at Church - The Heavens Open. The Clouds Part. And Angels and Glory Shine Down on my Little Family and keep my kids QUIET ENOUGH for me to HEAR the MESSAGE....

OR I am just in another state of BLISSFULLY UNAWARE while JT wrestles the 3 Tiny Monsters CLIMBING all over him and I am smiling up at the speaker...

Whatever the case- Recently I heard a Little Lesson that has CHANGED MY LIFE.

A few months back a friend was speaking and said something profound that I have to share. Jamie Stringham (that's right Jamie, a Shout Out in my Blog makes you Practically FAMOUS) was relating a story from the New Testament. (sorry, Jamie, I am going to butcher this - so you should leave a comment clarifying it!) I THINK it was the story of after Jesus' Transfiguration. He has this powerful and amazing experience and when they were done and came down from the mountain a "certain man" came to him and asked Christ to heal his son. Now Jesus could have said "I am really tired, can you bring him back in the morning?" But he didn't. We ALL KNOW how patient the Savior was and how we want to be like him. But this is where Jamie applied it to her life (and mine)

Jamie pointed out the Infamous Nightly Bed Time Routine. No, not the part where you brush the teeth, read the books, say the prayers and tuck them in. The part AFTER that. When they GET BACK OUT and begin STALLING. (in our house it can be anything from "I'm hungry" to "Did we Brush our Teeth?" which of course we did) Jamie pointed out how she can be more like the Savior at these times. Not getting upset or impatient, but being like Christ and loving our kids.

This has CHANGED MY WORLD! I went from totally FRUSTRATED, even ANGRY at the amount of EXCUSES that were taking place to a new level of PEACE. NOW when Riley gets out of bed-- I honestly tell myself that the Savior would have been patient. He would not yell, or get angry. Even IF He was tired. I find myself snuggling her back into bed, even singing another lullaby. I find myself even being GRATEFUL sometimes that she LOVES ME enough to want to keep stalling to be with me a little longer! I remind myself of something that my Pediatrician told me about her coming in during the middle of the night, to sleep in my bed - He said "I wouldn't stop her, someday she won't do that any more and you will miss it" She IS going to GROW UP . Someday she may be a Moody Teenager who does not want anything to do with her Mom singing her bed time songs! (and being 4 going on 15 I think that day is sooner than I realize) I want to be sure that the LAST THING RILEY THINKS OF BEFORE FALLING ASLEEP is that HER MOMMY LOVES HER. I don't ever want her to go to bed sad, or wondering.

I am sure the Savior COULD think to Himself "Come on, Katie, I JUST sang you that lullaby, or fixed that problem, or blessed you, or comforted you, and you are BACK OUT OF BED AGAIN?" But he doesn't. He just says "Come unto me."

Lucky Me.

i am an athlete??

2011-04-12T15:18:00.000-07:00

I have NEVER been an ATHLETE. NO ONE has ever said"Katie? oh yeah, she's the athletic type". If you have known me longer than the last three years you are probably even laughing at the idea of me being an athlete!

Don't get me wrong - I really like sports. I have thought of myself as athletic-- sort of. I even played some sports in High School. Ok, Ok, I WAS on the C-Team for Basketball, and I spent more time running lines after practice for goofing off than I did playing time in the games. And I also played Soccer, but that was just a social outlet to hang out with my friends and a place where I could throw elbows and trip people without getting in trouble! (only if you call a million yellow cards and more time doing sit ups after practice for goofing off - NOT getting in trouble!!) I think we get the picture here. I was not trying to get in shape. I wasn't even trying to win. I was just having FUN.

I have always KNOWN I was not Athlete. Mostly for obvious reasons:

I am the weakest female on the planet. (lifting a cantaloupe at the store sounds like hard work) I do NOT think a Pony Tail is a HAIR STYLE. (I feel stressed out just writing that sentence!) I agree with Stacy and Clinton that Gym Shoes/Clothes belong IN the GYM and not out to lunch with your friends.

ok, just had to throw in their pic so you know it is NOT just ME making up these rules! :)

Anyways, I was never the type to just throw on some shorts and a t-shirt and go to practice. I feel all Icky if I try to mix Adidas and Nike! (and you KNOW true athletes wear "whatever FEELS COMFORTABLE" -- who's heard of such a thing??) I'd rather drink a Diet Coke than a Powerade. I am not a natural at slapping other girls' sweaty butts and saying things like "good game". (although I do think that is funny to do when I have the opportunity!) I don't Look Good with NO MAKEUP - in fact I still wear lip gloss and mascara to the gym. I don't go to Sports Authority for fun. And I obviously do NOT HAVE the BODY of an ATHLETE. (you know, like muscles and shoulders and flat abs) I have been fine with all of this.

i am who i am and i am happy with that.

But STRANGE things have been happening lately. It all began a few weeks ago- on my run. I was out to do 6 miles and ended up running a few miles on a trail with other joggers. I ran past another runner on the trail and then saw him again at the end of the trail when I was stopped to stretch. I heard him saying to ANOTHER ATHLETE "Good Run today, Huh?" I was happy for him and his fellow athlete to enjoy a "Good Run" together when I realized no one was responding to him. I looked around and realized I was the only one there. HE WAS TALKING TO ME! Granted, my hair WAS in a Pony Tail and I was wearing dorky running shoes which is usually a dead give away that someone is athletic, but hadn't he SEEN me on the trail?! Didn't he know who he was talking to?? At first I thought it was small talk. You know "nice day today" stuff. But he continued to talk about how "Good it FELT to finally be out for a GOOD RUN!" What?! That sounds like REAL "gu" drinking, "cliff bar" loving, spandex wearing Athlete Talk! I came home BEAMING! I had FOOLED an actual ATHLETE (I know this by his wearing an Underarmer shirt that did not match his Brooks spandex - oh yeah, and the fact that he was WEARING SPANDEX!) into thinking I WAS A FELLOW ATHLETE! I couldn't believe it. It must have been the pony tail, or maybe the shoes, or maybe my mascara and lip gloss had worn off during the run. Whatever it was - SOMEONE THOUGHT I WAS AN ATHLETE. I, however, knew myself too well to fall for that.

But then TODAY an even STRANGER and UNDENIABLE THING HAPPENED. I was out running. I was nervous to run because I have been having knee problems lately and I did not want to hurt it more than it already is. I took off, and about a mile in I noticed something STRANGE: I was NOT BREATHING HARD. In fact I had to stop to cross a busy street and my breath was NORMAL!! What?? Something must be wrong. I went ANOTHER MILE and STILL NO PANTING! What was happening to me?? I FELT GOOD! I felt like I had just stepped outside and could run all day! I kept going. By my third mile something ELSE HAPPENED. I noticed something ODD about my legs and feet. They seemed to be MOVING on THEIR OWN. I was not WILLING them forward, or sludging along- my legs were RUNNING by THEMSELVES. Now I am confused and shocked. I have heard of this HAPPENING BEFORE... but where? to whom? WHO was this happening to? oh yeah, ATHLETES! Suddenly I noticed a fluidity in my stride I had never felt before! There was no Thumping like and Elephant, or Struggling like a Walrus. My mind was not consumed in how I would get one foot ahead of the other - AGAIN. My lungs weren't screaming out for air or panting like a dog. I WAS RUNNING. The kind of run I have HEARD about. The kind of RUN an ATHLETE DOES!!!

i don't know what will happen tomorrow. i don't know if i will gracefully glide along for miles at a time or if i will slink back into the choppy, sloppy, akward run i have always had. what i DO know -- is that TODAY i am an athlete. (I STILL WILL NOT WEAR A SPORTS BRA AS EVERYDAY ATTIRE)

Wednesday WAX PARTY

2011-04-11T15:13:00.001-07:00

Hey Ladies-
Some of you have been asking when the next WAX PARTY will be...

Since the next few weeks will be crazy - let's SIMPLIFY and have a WAX DAY at MY HOUSE!

WAX PARTY PLAY DAY
WHEN; WEDNESDAY APRIL 15th
WHERE: MY HOUSE
TIME: Anytime between 11:00 - 1:30pm
WHO: Anyone whose Brows (or lips, or chins, or whatevers) NEED me!

Feel Free to DROP IN or to STAY and let your kids PLAY if you like. Bring a Snack to share if you want to come for a Play Day - You know I will have some yummy, evil treat!!

If you DON'T need to WAX anything - you can still come and PLAY :)

a Work in Progress...

2011-04-05T21:02:00.000-07:00

Every 6 months - when we have the opportunity to watch or attend General Conference I get that feeling that is time to try harder to be the person I want to be.

This weekend I thought about who I am TRYING to BECOME and I thought of something I wrote on my mission. It has been tucked in my scriptures for years and I realized it is time that it is written somewhere that I can not lose it.

My Mission Statement.

(One of the missionaries that I served with had a "mission statement" - not about the actual mission, more of a personal statement -and he let me read it. I thought it was the coolest thing ever and went home to write my own.)

It is pretty personal. It is What I WANT for me. Who I WANT to BE. It is a Way I WANT to live.

That means: I am a Work in Progress and I still struggle with a lot of these things. But it may give some of you Better Insight into Why I do the things I do. And Why I want to change some of the things I do. (I wrote this on my mission, and I probably need to update it with new insights)

Enjoy.

My Mission Statement

I will help everyone feel IMPORTANT. I will use only GOOD WORDS that Build or Love. I will VALUE my Scripture Study Time as SACRED. I will FORGET myself and GO to WORK. I will TRY to APPLY every principle the Brethren teach. I will LISTEN to and Follow the Spirit. I will PRAY with ALL my HEART. I will pray for Humility, Charity, and More Faith. I will develop my Talents to HELP others. I will NEVER use HUMOR to HURT another. I will LOVE my FAMILY. I will Learn to BE a HEALER of HEARTS. I will be the One my Husband is Looking for. (check that one off) I will Remember my Covenants with the Lord. I will be More GRATEFUL. I will be SOMEONE that my FRIENDS can count on and trust. I will Raise my Children to Know their Savior, To Feel His Love, and to Praise and Worship Him. I WILL DO MY BEST. I will SMILE when I WANT to CRY. I will openly GIVE my HEART to my children and my husband. I will HONOR the Priesthood. I will ASK for HELP when I NEED it. I will find ways to SERVE. I will make others LAUGH. I will Teach PEACE. I will be an EXAMPLE of a Latter Day Saint. I will TRUST in the Lord and in His TIMING. (P.A. school??) I will be submissive and not murmur. I will Turn my WEAKNESSES into STRENGTHS. I will ASK for FORGIVENESS and Say "I'm Sorry". I will LISTEN more and TALK less. I WILL be SUNSHINE. I will Remember that the Gospel IS Life. I will Make my CHILDREN and HUSBAND my HIGHEST PRIORITY. I will FORGIVE those that HURT me. I will Leave others BETTER than I found them. I will be STRONGER than ANGER or FEAR. I will DREAM BIG and LIVE MY DREAMS.

Katie Nelson - Tyler

10 November 2002

Question for Moms

2011-03-31T14:24:00.000-07:00

Hey Fellow Moms--- I remember last Spring hearing the talk that it was time to sign up for SOCCER for the FALL and I didn't pay attention, because I wanted to be at PA school in the fall... Well, here we are AGAIN (all these things that I thought I would not have to do because I would be on the beach in Puerto Rico... guess life changes) ANYWAYS- I assume that is coming up soon. Any advice on where is a good place to sign Riley (and possibly Blake) up for Soccer? Any good experiences? Bad experiences? Suggestions? I want her to play Pro, or at least get a college scholarship- so it is REALLY IMPORTANT that she get ON THE RIGHT TRACK NOW. ok, just kidding, I just want to sign her up with her friends if any are doing it, or at least with a good program if there is one. Thanks

SPRING CLEANING with BLAKE

2011-03-22T13:43:00.000-07:00

SPRING CLEANING WITH BLAKE

Normally, I try to do most of my cleaning while the kids are asleep. But this is annoying because then I feel like I am trying to do EVERYTHING WHILE THEY ARE ASLEEP! ( email, Blogging, phone calls, running, cleaning, baking, eating things I don't want them to know about or don't want to share) You can see how tiring it is. And how I would need my kids to Sleep 20 Hours a Day to fit it all in! SO TODAY- while #1 was at Preschool and #3 was napping- I thought I could take on some basic cleaning with #2 being AWAKE.

I have been noticing my HORRIFYING WINDOWS ever since the sun came out, for and hour, a few weeks ago. I have been aware that IT COULD HAPPEN AGAIN! AND IF the SUN DOES come out- I WOULD LIKE to BE ABLE to SEE OUT MY WINDOWS. (when it is overcast there is NO GLARE to illuminate the filth and fingerprints on my windows)

Well, it happened today so I grabbed my Decrepit Bottle of Windex (stop laughing at me Tami) and went to work.

NO SOONER than I CLEANED My ENTIRE FIRST LEVEL OF WINDOWS (inside only, let's be honest I am not Super Woman) I discovered #2 in the Front Room DOING THIS:

This may look harmless right? Maybe you can't see the green boogies in his nose threatening to slide down my windows.

WHAT IS IT about a CLEAN WINDOW that causes Blake to RUB HIS FACE ON IT?? A few months ago at Sprint I was returning my phone (hey, has anyone noticed I have started to ANSWER MY PHONE AGAIN??? yes, I got a new one!!) and when I turned to make sure he wasn't DESTROYING their displays I CAUGHT him with his TONGUE out WIPING UP AND DOWN their GLASS DOOR!!!

Oh, Blake, I see a future job on a very tall building with a lot of soapy bubbles and a squidgy....

LIES, ALL LIES

2011-03-16T22:37:00.000-07:00

"If you keep making that face - it will STAY like THAT PERMANENTLY"

"Don't sit TOO CLOSE to the T.V. - You'll go BLIND"

We've heard them all. The things we are TOLD and the THREATS that are made to keep us FROM HAVING FUN.

Well, I have some news for everyone. I have DISCOVERED some new ones. Things we are TOLD- that are just NOT TRUE.... according to Katie Tyler.

Recently I GAVE UP DIET COKE- well Soda in GENERAL. Until the other night I couldn't REMEMBER the LAST SODA I had. I did this because the Caffeine gives me headaches- and I think it might be bad for me. But SECRETLY I was also thinking of all of the RUMORS I heard that SODA makes you GAIN WEIGHT or at LEAST RETAIN WEIGHT. I have heard the MYTHS of people LOSING WEIGHT just by QUITING SODA! So- I eagerly LOOKED FORWARD to this ADDED BONUS.

THAT WAS LIE #1.

I have also (per my 90 day goals) recently GIVEN UP TREATS. Or at least SIGNIFICANTLY CUT THEM BACK. I went from DAILY CANDY/ICE CREAM and Bi-Weekly BAKING EXTRAVAGANZAS to ONE TREAT PER WEEK. This has been EXCRUCIATINGLY DIFFICULT to me (apparently I was addicted to yummy stuff physically as well as emotionally--we can talk about me crying in my pillow at night, drinking glass after glass of water, and finally chewing gum to get rid of the hole in my heart and the cravings another time). But I have been fairly successful. (passing up CUPCAKES??? yep) I did this because I had HEARD SOMEWEHRE that TREATS are BAD FOR YOU!

LIE #2.

I have been going to the Gym almost DAILY for months- almost a year now. So long that people are starting to REALIZE I WEAR the same GYM CLOTHES ALL THE TIME! (ok, no one has said anything -- but I know you all notice) I have been rotating between cardio and weights. I have even worked with a Trainer (who laughs at my scrawny muscles- but I don't mind because they ARE wimpy... but I can TIE Darcy in an Arm Wrestle- so there) I even SWEAT at the GYM and even grunt sometimes like that really buff guy that always swears and throws the weights down when he is done.. I don't swear though. Now- let's clear this up-- I am NOT GOING TO THE GYM to LOSE WEIGHT. Apparently this is ALSO an addiction (like the treats) where the more I go - the BETTER I FEEL! I feel HAPPY after the Gym, Patient with my kids, more Organized with my time, all around better. BUT I HAVE HEARD that EXCERCISE HELPS YOU LOSE WEIGHT! So once again- I ASSUMED this would be an added BONUS!

LIE #3.

Now some of you are annoyed right now with me- complaining about WEIGHT... sorry. Some of you are considering writing a nice comment about how good I look... thanks- but you don't stand behind me on the scale (like MEN always do at the Gym-- don't they KNOW that number is PERSONAL?? Why do they stand so close??) The rest of you think I am just plain CRAZY because 6 pounds is not a BIG DEAL... BUT 6 LBS on a 5'3" body- in just 3 months- WHILE giving up SODA, SWEETS, and WORKING OUT IS a BIG DEAL! UUGGHHH!!

SO I am here to say that ALL of those things Jillian says on Biggest Loser is a LIE.

From NOW ON- Katie Tyler DRINKS WHATEVER I WANT (ok, still no DIET COKE because it really DOES give me HEADACHES), EATS SWEETS WHENEVER I WANT (ok, AFTER the 90 day goals- because I am too proud to admit failure on one of my personal goals) and WORKS OUT STRICTLY FOR FUN!!!(ok ,I guess I was already doing that)

Ok, then, FOR STARTERS I am EATING A PAN of My Little Sister Beth's DELICIOUS Puff Pastry CINNAMON ROLLS while SITTING TOO CLOSE to the T.V. and MAKING a SILLY FACE!

TAKE THAT EVERYONE WHO HAS TOLD ME A LIE TO KEEP ME FROM HAVING FUN!!!

Things I learned in SPIN class

2011-03-15T08:46:00.001-07:00

When I went to SPIN CLASS on Monday I was expecting a GOOD WORKOUT. I was not expecting a FAMILY HOME EVENING LESSON!

The instructor is crazy intelligent. Not just about Cycling (although he has done wonders to improve my form) but about all sorts of random stuff.
Here is what I learned:

My New SportsBra is A-MAZ-ING! NO MOVEMENT, totally comfortable, I didn't know Sping could feel so wonderful!
I need a SportsBra for my saggy arms to keep them from flopping around
To IMPROVE my 72 hr kit

(now this is where I started to learn- some of this is new, so of it is forgotten, all of it felt important)

72 HOUR KIT

KEEP it IN THE CAR, I don't know why I haven't been doing that already
EXTRA CLOTHES if you have seen this guy you KNOW he isn't concerned about fashion, he was saying how if you are INDOORS during an EARTHQUAKE or other disaster the first thing that will happen is the SPRINKLER SYSTEM will go off! This is going to leave you soaking wet when you do finally leave. Or if you are caught in FLOODING you will get hypothermic quickly if you have to remain in your clothes for 72 hours.
TRAPPED CLOSE TO HOME even if you are thinking that you are usually only 10 minutes from home and can get back there to get your supplies- that may all change with a Natural Disaster. Power Lines down on the road, broken roads, flooding, fire, all of the things that will come after the disaster. You maybe 10 minutes away and trapped.
FIRST AID KIT recently one of JT's co-workers (a doctor in the ER) gave him a lecture for not having stronger pain meds on hand for an emergency. If someone you love is seriously injured in an accident and the ambulance or fire department is unable to reach you for a period of time- you need to be able to help the suffering until then with the appropriate first aid. He told JT that as a member of Our Church who feels so strongly about Preparedness he should already be doing this. This also goes for daily perscriptions. A few months ago when I came off of the Post Partum Happy Pill I had SEVERE side affects. That was weening down. If I was in a disaster and I was dealing with that cold turkey it would have been far worse. (not to mention for some people life threatening)
OUT OF STATE CONTACT local communication will be very difficult. Have an out of state contact that all of your family can call, or email, or facebook so that everyone will be accounted for.
WATER WATER WATER enough said
DUCT TAPE he didn't say WHY you need this... but my mind thought of a million things I could do in a disaster with a roll of this Magicall Stuff!
FLASHLIGHTS a few years ago someone in the Ward suggested having one in each bathroom so you can find it in a Power Outage easily! I LOVED this idea! But it is also important in your cars or 72 hr kit.

The other thing the Instructor talked about is WHY WASHINGTON is such a BAD TARGET for an EARTHQUAKE. Besides the convergience of two plates right off of the Strait of Juan de Fuca that could cause major Tsunami problems for the Puget Sound, he also pointed out how areas that are NEAR SEA LEVEL are like being on a River Bed. He used all of the Fancy Geographical words and terms for the type of SOIL that creates in our Valleys. He explained how this soil easily goes from firm to MUD with minor disruption and how easily it floods (evident by seeing all of the flooded pastures every fall) He pointed out that the bigger problem than flooding is SINKING! When the soil is shaken vigorously it will soften so much that things will sink. And as the Valley Sinks the MudSlides will also occur. ( I wish I could explain this as scientifically as he did) It made me think of the Destruction in 3rd Nephi and how I always wondered how entire cities were sunk and swallowed up in the land... now I know!

ANYWAYS--- He said ALOT more. To go to RED CROSS for a CHECKLIST. To get your plans in order. By this point I was so distracted by my fears and concerns I didn't notice all the PAIN I was in from Spinning!!

This led to an EMERGENCY PREPAREDNESS FHE. Where JT walked me through turning EVERYTHING OFF in our house if a Disaster Occurs. Where we TRAINED the kids to go to a Doorway or Under a Table if the Ground Shakes. The review of Stop Drop and Roll. And finally ending the Evening by making Chex Muddy Buddies- and letting the kids SHAKE them up in the Bag and calling them EARTHQUAKE COOKIES! lol!

If you have any other great suggestions that the Spin Instructor left out- pass it on!

My heart goes out to the people in Japan. It seems so close to home this time. And it makes me want to get all of us ready just in case.

A Bad Reputation

2011-03-10T21:50:00.001-08:00

I was ALREADY writing this blog in my mind, and then I went to the Relief Society Meeting tonight...

I remember hearing the quote when I was young that went something like:

"Pick the REPUTATION you want, and then LIVE UP to it"

This was suppose to inspire us to behave in the way we wanted others to perceive us. With my SENIOR YEAR of High School came the opportunity to IMMORTALIZE our REPUTATIONS by putting our PERCEPTIONS to a VOTE. Senior Superlative. You remember Biggest Flirt, Cutest Couple, Luscious Locks (I had to add that because my "B.F.F." was voted Luscious Locks because she really does have the BEST HAIR ever!!) anyways- our chance to pin a reputation on someone that will last in their unopened year book for forever. THIS was the chance. Did the I LIVE UP to the REPUTATION I had chosen?? I don't even remember how it was phrased. Most Nicest? Most Friendly? Something along those lines. I kept thinking how good it would be to be remembered as THE NICEST girl in our High School. Voting Day Came. And being on the Student Council, I was one of the people assigned to collect ballots. NO I didn't LOOK. I didn't have to. Every class was willing to tell their picks. Surprise Surprise - I was NOT Most Friendly. I was however, "MOST LIKELY TO JOIN THE CIRCUS."

Obviously this was MUCH MORE FITTING.

Now as I look back- I wonder if anything has changed??

I was recently noticing among my friends that I am rapidly gaining the Reputation of The One Who Will Say the Thing No One Else Wants to Say. Or maybe The One to Say the Thing She SHOULDN'T Say. HAVE I TAKEN CLASS CLOWN TOO FAR?? Am I saying things I REALLY SHOULDN'T say-- JUST TO GET A LAUGH??

Will I NEVER be The Nicest because I am too busy being the Loudest?

As I have been planning my REFORMATION, and thinking of the Perfect Place to UNVEIL the NEW MOST NICEST KATIE TYLER, I went to the Ward's Relief Society Party...

We were all asked to write One Thing About Ourselves that No One Else Knows. This is a hard enough Task for a Big Mouth Like ME. Everyone knows Everything about me. I scan my brain for something, some crazy act that no one knows about- when I think of my REFORMATION! Ah Ha! This is my chance. Tell something SIMPLE, and NICE about myself!! Nothing Crazy. Nothing Shocking. Nothing Mischievous. Just Me.

Then they begin to read the Anonymous Things and we are suppose to GUESS WHO did it.

Fun, Right?

Here are some of the Things:

"This person has a Tattoo" (remember we are a group of Mormons, so this is breaching scandalous)

Everyone's Unanimous Guess:

"Katie Tyler"

Now I am forced to answer "I DO HAVE a tattoo, but that wasn't mine"

"This person MOONED such and such Hall at BYU" (once again, this is really crazy for a bunch of old Mormons!)

Everyone's Unanimous Guess:

"Katie Tyler"

Now I am forced to ask my self "Have I mooned that hall?" Before replying that again it was not me.

Soon it became RIDICULOUS how Quickly Everyone Thought Things were ME.

(I should insert the Disclaimer here that it was a Really Fun activity and we were all Laughing. You were all Laughing at me, I was Laughing at the Irony of this Night FEEDING into THIS POST!)

SO- After MANY GUESSES I think we ALL came to the CONCLUSION that IF it SEEMS kind of Mischievous (I am using this word because MOST of you do not Speak Malagasy so you don't know the word MADITRA which is much more appropriate but I can't think of the RIGHT English Translation so we are going with Mischievous instead of Naughty-- because that sounds creepy) ANYWAYS-- IF it SEEMS Scandalous it is PROBABLY KATIE. In all Honesty- I am seriously wondering if this has gotten out of hand? Am I misrepresenting myself? Or my values? I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression of me.

SO NOW WHAT?

What if I LIVED UP to the WRONG REPUTATION?! Are there any DO OVERS? Can't we go back and everyone Guess ME for the Random Acts of Kindness? the Never Been Kissed? any one of Things that someone voted MOST NICEST would probably do??

Is it too late?

NEW GOAL FOR KATIE TYLER:

Scale Back on the Most Likely to Do or Say Something She Shouldn't DO or SAY and become Most Likely to DO and Say the NICEST THING...

wish me luck,

you can find me at the circus.

The First of the Month

2011-02-27T21:59:00.000-08:00

Little know fact about me.

I LOVE the FIRST of the MONTH.

I LOVE CALENDARS and ESPECIALLY I Love TURNING the page of a NEW CALENDAR.

I love this for a lot of reasons. I like to see the semi blank page of the next month as it slowly fills up. I like the feeling of a Blank Canvas that I can direct, and sculpt and create for the next 30 days of my life. I like the feeling of turning the page and literally putting the Past Behind me. I like the sense of Accomplishment I feel as I "grow up" and see another year progress. I also LOVE every month it gets Closer to SUNSHINE!! (which is ironic since I am not sure which month to look forward to the sunshine since we never arrived at that month Last Year... trying NOT to be bitter...)

So- MARCH - I flipped the Calendar early this month. I know there is One Day Left in February (yeah for last day Visiting Teaching) but I am geared up for March.

I have ONE MONTH DOWN in my 90 Day Goals.
I have learned a TON already in just one month. I am really excited to see what else I can accomplish in the next month. I want to be Better at taking down my STATS on each of my Goals. Not just roughly estimating how I did, but CONCRETE statistics.

Here is a small UP-DATE:

I have learned that a Goal is not Completely Useless if you Do NOT Meet the Goal you intended. This is NEW to me. I think I have always measured Goals as Success or Failure with very little in between. I have discovered that Doing Better Than I Was does still count for something. And that slipping up is NOT the End of the world.

Example:
I am trying to eat only ONE TREAT a WEEK. Ask me how many weeks I have been completely "successful" at this in the 4 short weeks I have done it??
(oh no, you are actually asking me?? and I pride myself on the "realness" of my blog? so I have to answer that? aaggghhhh!)
ONE

One week out of 4 I have been successful at eating only ONE TREAT per WEAK.

BUT I have NOT eaten Ice Cream EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, followed by Twizzlers, Red Vines, or Peach Rings, followed by a handful of Peanut Butter M&M's like I have been doing for the past year. So I AM IMPROVING. And that feels GOOD! (there may be some exaggeration here, but not a lot)

I am trying to Learn Spanish. What?! We didn't get in to Puerto Rico? So why continue to Learn Spanish, Katie? Because it is a GOAL.
Am I fluent? No, but I have been putting in HOURS a week on my Homework. I have been turning off the T.V., setting down the extra Reading, getting off of the internet to study. And THAT feels BUENO! :)
(my mind still goes to Malagasy first- so I really wanted to write that it feels "Tsara be"!)

I am spending time Every Day Planning the next day. I feel so much more focused. I feel like my day is not just happening to me- but I am happening to it. This has allowed me to get so much more done! My house is cleaner than it has been since Macie was born. We have eaten better meals, been more focused at the gym, spent more time doing fun things with my kids, and accomplished way more with less stress! And that Feels Good.

There are alot more things I am accomplishing on my goals, that I plan to write about another day- but I just want to say I FEEL GOOD!

I am excited to Flip the Calendar and get started on an even Better Month than Last Month! Yeah me.

P.S. MUST give SHOUT OUT to Former Accountability Partner Aubrey for being a Rock Star and keeping me On Task- even when she was in Hawaii! And a Woot Woot to Heather, NEW Accountability Partner for the Energy I already feel from her! Yeah US!

Happy First of the Month.

"now cash your checks and get up...."

10 points to anyone who can name the song that those beloved lyrics came from.....

B.F.F.'s

2011-02-25T14:38:00.000-08:00

BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!

Ok, Seriously, am I really going there, saying a phrase like that???

YES, Yes I am.

A few years ago I was discouraged about what happens to Friendship with Adulthood. I wondered if friendships get left behind because of Marriage (I remember my Best Friend and my Sisters all getting married years ago and me feeling like a Displaced Puppy with no where to go- since now it was naturally their Hubbie's job to take care of them. duh, Katie), Children (as we all know, in some ways- who your kids get along with determines who your friends are), Work/Home whatever it is we take care of that takes our minds off of our friends. Because of this Evolution I found myself asking JT what would happen to me?? Would I ever make Meaningful Friendships again? Or would they all be based on having kids in the same size diaper, working in the same callings at church, or those people assigned to be my friend through visiting teaching? Would anyone Ever KNOW the Real Katie Tyler again? Or would I just be The Mom of the Size 5 Diaper and the other two? the Other lady that is at the church every Wed with the YW? the Girl who sometimes forgets about the visiting teaching appointment and is rushing out the door to preschool? Would I have Friendships based on WHO I AM- AND WHO I WANT TO BE AROUND? Would our conversations be based on Teething Toys and Time Outs? Would our Fun be planning another YW activity? Would we ever have the Deep Conversations about Dreams and Hopes and even Let Downs that I remember sharing with beloved Mission Companions? Or were those days Gone for Good???

(this is sounding a little dramatic.. but it wouldn't be me if it wasn't a little over the top, right?)

But this past year I recognized EVERY thing I THOUGHT I might be losing.

I had Friends who were there for middle of the night phone calls and mid afternoon breakdowns. When I NEEDED a SHOULDER to CRY ON.

I had Friends who stood next to me, and stood up for me when others would Betray me.

I had Friends who would inspire me and encourage me by simply being themselves! Girls that I admire and hope to be like someday.

(I have to interrupt to give an example here:
sitting in the chapel at the Stake Relief Society Program in January was OVERWHELMING. Not only was the Spirit so strong, and the message So Powerful- but I was overcome with emotion sitting near SO MANY AMAZING WOMEN that I adore and look up to! I was SURROUNDED by friends and sisters that are so talented. Not to mention the desire I had - and successfully suppressed - to Stand on the pew and brag to everyone that I AM FRIENDS WITH THE GIRLS WHO ARE BEHIND THIS!! I felt so much pride that those talented women are my friends! That I have found a way to surround myself with such FABULOUS girlfriends!!)

I discovered Real Connections with the Cute Girls I visit teach, my own companion, and those that visit me!

I have had Friends drop off dinners, cookies, and treats on days that I NEEDED love (in the form of Yumminess!) That may not have even known they were dropping off WAY more than soup or cookies or Lasagna.

I had Friends who were patient when I was falling apart. Who let me take my time getting back together again - and thankfully expected very little out of me when I had very little to give.

I had Friends who Said the Exact Right things at the Exact Right Time.

I had Friends who truly LET ME BE MYSELF. This is a BIG one for me. To feel like I can be Katie and that is a GOOD thing. To feel like I am More than any of my Titles- I am ME.

I had Friends who I haven't seen in years (and some I have never even met) leave THOUGHTFUL comments on my Blog.

And then last night...
(really, am I actually crying about this again??)
I had Friends show up- on my porch with Pina Coladas in hand. Ready to Listen and Love and Laugh with me. TO REALLY BE THERE FOR ME WHEN I NEEDED IT.

They didn't ASK ANYTHING FROM ME. They weren't THERE for my Size 4 Diaper (who of course HAD to wake up to check out the party), they didn't small talk about the weather and snow outside, they weren't there on an Assignment. (unless Shelbi and Jenni were threatening them...) I REALLY DO THINK they were here last night BECAUSE THEY LOVE ME. Not just me for my kids, me for my calling, me for my awesome hair (I couldn't think of anything better than that, but I knew most of you reading are sick of the sappiness and needed something to laugh at- cuz my hair is super awesome) I REALLY DO THINK they were THERE FOR ME.

So, ask me again about the Evolution of Friendship in Adulthood? Ask me if I think strong bonds of friendship are reserved for the College years or left behind in the Mission Field? Ask me how I feel about the possibility of Knowing each other outside of our Titles of Mother, Teacher, or Neighbor?

So- there it is. I have them. Lots of them.

BEST
FRIENDS
FOREVER

Footprints

2011-02-24T14:30:00.000-08:00

Someday I will update this with a picture... that I wish I would have taken when Riley said this wonderful sentence.

Riley was walking in the snow today and looked over her shoulder and said:

"My Footprints Follow Me Everywhere!"

I am not sure why, but it was the most adorable thing ever!

Puerto Rico, by way of Announcement

2011-02-21T13:26:00.000-08:00

I know, we have all been waiting for JT to come home from work, open the Mailbox and find a Giant Envelope and whole bunch of Marshmellows saying that he has been accepted to Chattham's P.A. Program in Puerto Rico.

Well, I am here to announce that on Saturday (after a VERY LONG few days of work) he opened the Mailbox to find the THIN Envelope that felt like DeJa Vu even to my fingertips.

(I am saying HE DID NOT GET IN, incase anyone is confused out there in blogland)

SO, HERE WE GO AGAIN.

man, I am TRYING REALLY HARD to think of SOMETHING WITTY to say right now.

Is it the fact that I am STILL sick from my run in with Mastitis?
Is it the fact that I am tired and distracted by Macie who is not down for her afternoon nap?
OR am I just plain OUT OF FUNNY THINGS TO SAY ABOUT REJECTION??

So- go ahead and pass it on. (that will make this easier on me)

I guess I will take some QUESTIONS from the AUDIENCE now.

Q: HOw did JT handle the news?
It was pretty rough. I think he is still in shock. And I am LAME at being Sympathetic. I should be a better wife.

Q: What will you do next?
probably NOT go buy a ton of Sunglasses like I had originally planned.

Q: What is Plan B?
oh, you mean Plan J,
I Don't Know.

(this makes me feel like After my Mission, when people are excited to see you and ask What you are going to do next, and I am still closing my eyes to hear the sounds of Madagascar and smelling my clothes to remember the smells and HOPING to NOT have to enter reality yet because I am not ready to let go of the mission... let the poor missionary tell you about the mission before you bug him about BYU!!!)

Q: How is KT handling the news?
I am surprisingly OK. I think I was being prepared for this, somewhere in the back of my mind. So, I get it. I am just HOPING that JT comes up with a Plan J soon.

Q: What can all of your FANS in the Blogosphere and around you DO for you guys?
Fans? why thank you, I had no idea!:)
well, I think JT could use a few prayers for some direction.
I think KT could use a few Hugs. And maybe even the other way around. :) And as cliche as it sounds- I DO appreciate it when you all say that you are glad that we will be staying here. If Puerto Rico doesn't want me- at least you guys do. :)

And if anyone wants to go out for a Virgin Pina Colada in Honor of What Might Have Been- I would take you up on it!

SO, there you go. That's All She Wrote.

Consider Yourself Warned...

2011-02-18T21:42:00.000-08:00

A poem about breasts

by katie tyler

Some say it is from Pregnancy

I’ve read it could be Nursing

My Doctor says Hereditary

But either way, I’m cursing.

How is it that at Seventeen

They were perky and in place.

But now at Thirty Two

They sag like a Disgrace?

It’s bad enough I’ve got “Fine Lines”

And that my Waistline’s Shot.

But do They have to flop like this

And everything go to Pot?!

I feel like I have been Betrayed

Shouldn’t we Girls stick together!?

But no, they sag, and shrink, and shrivel-

And NOTHING makes it better.

It would not be Sooo bad,

If sagging was all there is.

But here I am in just two months

With another case of Mastitis!

Oh, Girls, the things we go through

The Pains that we endure.

This has to be another sick joke-

Played on us by Nature!

(WAIT A SECOND! Mother Nature?? SHE’s BEHIND ALL OF THIS???—I think we better blame SCIENCE!)

all joking aside- this is SO lame! puking, fevers, headaches, burning, pain, enough already! isn't this girl weaned yet??

somewhere i have never travelled

2011-02-14T20:58:00.000-08:00

somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
by E. E. Cummings

somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond any experience,your eyes have their silence: in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me, or which i cannot touch because they are too near your slightest look easily will unclose me though i have closed myself as fingers, you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens (touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose or if your wish be to close me, i and my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly, as when the heart of this flower imagines the snow carefully everywhere descending; nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals the power of your intense fragility:whose texture compels me with the color of its countries, rendering death and forever with each breathing (i do not know what it is about you that closes and opens;only something in me understands the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses) nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands

This has always been my favorite poem. (who wouldn't love phrases like "snow carefully everywhere descending"?? and e.e. cumming lovely disregard for punctuation!) I use to hope that it was written for me. I think this was because as a child my Mom always told me I had the Tiniest Hands. I thought that was an endearing feature to have.

But things have changed.

Now when I read this poem I don't see a Hansom Prince reading me Poetry outside my window.

I see a little girl.

I see somewhere I have never travelled... somewhere I couldn't have even imagined in my wildest dreams. A place where I never even existed 5 years ago.

Motherhood.

I see Her as a baby, beautiful beyond any description. Which I "cannot touch" because it is too near to my heart, too amazing to fully comprehend.

I never thought I could be opened and closed or that I would be at the Mercy of Spring and it's wishes. And here I am. Her happiness is everything. And I am enclosed in it.

I never understood the "Power of your intense fragility" until I held her crying from a broken heart or a bruised knee. Or really what it could mean to be "compelled by the color of (her) countries" Until I saw her in all of her WONDERFUL COLORS and EMOTIONS. ONLY the word "Countries" could describe all that she possesses.

I would "render death and forever" for each of her breaths!

And although she is only Four Years Old, I feel like I understand the "Voice of her Eyes."

What a Beautiful Blessing it is to hold in my own the Hands that are even Smaller Than the Rain's.

I know she will grow. I know she may change. But I know her Hands Will ALWAYS be Smaller than the Rain's to me.

I love you dearly, Miss Riley Kate. I never expected to find a Best Friend in my Daughter, especially at such a Young Age! I never expected to find so much in someone so little. You are so special to me. I love the smell of your hair when I Kiss you Goodnight. I love the feel of your breath when you whisper funny things in my ears. I love the sound of your laugh. And the Joy you find in making others laugh. The light in your voice and eyes. And the GLOW that surrounds you. Ever since you were a Baby, you stood out. I felt like it took hours longer to go shopping with you because strangers HAD to come and see your infectious smile! They loved you too. More than once I had people I had never met tell me how you made their day. You have a Special Gift. THANK YOU for being all mine. I love you.

Marshmellows

2011-02-08T23:07:00.000-08:00

Waiting to hear back from Puerto Rico... Jt mentioned that he thinks we should have heard back by now...

I guess I feel like I am STARING AT MARSHMELLOWS....

Mormon Messages

(that will ONLY make sense if you click on the link :)

to be Better than I am

2011-02-03T20:55:00.000-08:00

Jt and I just joined a 90 Day Goal Group
oh, you have never heard of a 90 Day Goal Group? it is AWESOME :)

Here is the idea--
you and a group of friends/strangers get together. individually you set personal goals in 5 categories that you will work on for the next 90 days. one of those friends/strangers will be your Accountability Partner. their job is to check in with you TWICE a day to help you achieve your goals while you do the same for them.

( i hear a lot of you snickering thinking "good luck getting a hold of Katie TWICE a day!" she hasn't called ME back in months!!)

but it is part of the Rules- so yes, i answer my phone twice a day. (and sorry, all, that fills my quota)

this partner idea is amazing. it helps to have someone ASK you IF you actually DID your goals. (especially someone who is not your cute spouse) and give you some great ideas. it also helps for day 37 when you feel like giving up and they won't let you. it also feels good to help someone else reach their goals.

Ever since my Mission I have been a little Obsessed with being "EFFECTIVE". For anyone who has ever read the old Missionary Guide and remembers page after page of comparisons between "Effective" and "Less Effective" Missionary Work they know what I am talking about. It was drilled in to us to use our time wisely, to Be Effective. (after all- we are on the Lord's time)

The other thing I picked up on my Mission was the LOVE of GOAL SETTING. (I guess I should have learned this with Personal Progress- but regretfully I did not) I LOVED setting Goals with my Companions. Especially STRETCHING GOALS. The ones we knew we could ONLY ACCOMPLISH with the HELP of the Lord. The ones that pushed us. That kept us working hard and feeling exhausted yet successful.

SO- OF COURSE I LOVE THIS 90 DAY GOAL GROUP!

So- in case anyone wants to know what I will be doing for the next 90 days- Here you go.
Feel free to ASK me anytime how it is going. (preferably in Spanish...)

SPIRITUAL GOALS

Attend the Temple Twice a Month for 90 Days
Take a question to my Scripture Study Daily and write about the answer and experience in my Scripture Journal
Pray before I leave my room every morning

PHYSICAL GOALS

Train for a Half Marathon
Work Out at least 5 days a Week
Only ONE Candy/Treat a Week :(
Eat TWO yummy Veggies a Day

MENTAL GOALS

Study Spanish a minimum of 4 hours a Week
Initiate a Conversation in Spanish 1 a Week
Spend 5 minutes a Night Planning for the Next Day

FINANCIAL GOALS

Attend the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace Program Every Week
Have a Monthly Budget Meeting with JT - followed by kissing :)

PERSONAL GOALS

No Social Internet until the kids are in Bed (email, fb, Blogs)
Organize and Archive the Mess that is my Family Pictures (4 hours minumum per week)
Wake up at 7am Daily

So, there you go. WISH ME LUCK! I am really excited- a little bit overwhelmed- but I plan to Blog about the experience as I go:)

Jenni's Fitness Challenge

2011-01-27T19:49:00.000-08:00

At the beginning of the week as I was EATING my VALENTINE'S DAY CANDY while BAKING CUP CAKES and WAITING for my LEMON CHEESECAKE to finish setting, I started to think about this post.

Mostly because I was thinking I needed to GIVE AWAY a little bit of this deliciousness before I CONSUMED it ALL, SINGLE HANDEDLY. But EVERYONE I could think of was doing JENNI'S FITNESS CHALLENGE! Bleh!

I started to laugh to myself at all of you crazy people- not eating AFTER 7pm, not eating treats like CUPPY CAKES, having to tell yourself NO! Ha ha ha ha! (that is my Evil Villain Laugh in case you couldn't hear it)

I started to think of taking pictures of ALL of my YUMMY TREATS and then POSTING them on my blog!
(don't worry, you all know me, I would NEVER get around to downloading them off of my camera!)

AND THEN I WENT TO THE GYM.

I go to the gym almost EVERYDAY. I work my butt off. I lift weights. I do spin. I run miles. I swim. I do yoga. I do kick boxing. You name it, I do it.

BUT as I went to WEIGH IN - before my session with the Personal Trainer- something STRANGE HAPPENED. The scale was OFF. Right? It was DEFINITELY HEAVIER than I remember from a few weeks ago. "It must be broken" I tried to brush it off- telling myself my FAVORITE MOTTO:

I WORKOUT SO I CAN EAT WHAT I WANT

But today- I pulled out a pair of jeans I haven't worn in a few months...

Back in September I bought my FIRST BELT. (that is right- I NEVER wear BELTS. I don't like the idea of something that goes around my waist and is CONSTANTLY MEASURING MY WAIST- so I don't wear them) Back in September, my jeans were TOO BIG and I was FORCED to BUY A BELT.

ANYWAYS, back to TODAY. I pulled out the OLD JEANS and zipped them up as I looked for the BELT. (which really IS a Four Letter Word to me) But something STRANGE happened again! Suddenly, I did not NEED A BELT! The TOO SMALL JEANS were SNUG!!

WHAT?!! (YOUR TURN TO LAUGH AT ME! Ha Ha Ha Ha!!)

I CAN'T EAT WHATEVER I WANT? EVEN IF I DO WORKOUT EVERYDAY?

SO- THE JOKE IS ON ME.

Jenni, sign me up for that Challenge- I don't care that I am month late- I need to make some changes!!
(but, I don't have to give up my cup cakes do I????)

"Friendly" Drivers

2011-01-24T12:32:00.000-08:00

Dear "Friendly" Drivers,

Aren't ANY of you RUNNERS??

Normally I LIKE friendly drivers! Normally I like it when someone lets you over or yields when they are suppose to. Normally I like it when they are courteous and aware of others on the road.

But when I am RUNNING and I go the LONG WAY AROUND the Round A Bout, and I am coming up to the curb and you SEE ME COMING...

DON'T BE NICE.
DON'T GIVE ME THE WAVE TO CROSS THE STREET AND WAIT FOR ME.

Don't you KNOW I am TRYING to get a BREAK?? That I WANT to stand on the curb, pretending to check my heart rate or stretch my legs. I want just 9 seconds to recover while I am "waiting" for the cars to pass. (that is why I GO the LONG WAY around the round about- 3 more chances for a break!!) I want to pretend that I am bummed that I have to wait for YOU to pass before I can get back to my workout. But I don't.

I WANT THE BREAK.

SO if you see me running, and I am coming up to the curb with a look of anticipation- it is an act.

Keep Driving. Don't be so nice. You aren't doing me any favors. :)

Sincerely,
the Girl who is usually holding her side, panting, and limping on the side of the road.
The Runner.

the Parable of the Laundry

2011-01-16T20:21:00.000-08:00

I shared this insight today in Relief Society and decided it needed to be posted :)

When JT and I got married we were both working full time and I was doing hair out to the house and he was going to school. We were both really busy. But we still naturally went towards our own "roles".

(JT would get the cars washed- I would do the Laundry)

Laundry had never really bothered me before. But now that I was sorting another persons' socks on top of my own- I became resentful of my "role".

(important side note: JT did NOT inflict this role on me- I just assumed the role knowing that it seemed like the "Wifey" thing to do)

I found myself Envious of him when he opened his dresser to Magically find Freshly Folded Clothes just waiting to be warn and tossed in the bin. I wondered how is would FEEL to be a Guy and to have this Royal Service right in your own home. To never have to think about changing the laundry at 11:00pm at night or to fold and put away clothes with Mind Numbing "Ground Hog's Day" repetitiveness. (that movie stresses me out and has been a fear of mine in many other areas besides Laundry...) How could men be SO lucky??

For 6 years this has floated in the back of my mind.

(Don't get me wrong - I do feel GOOD DOING my job. I do recognize that it is part of my Job-Description as Co- C.E.O of the Tyler Household. And I am grateful (as was pointed out to me in Relief Society today) for the Front Loader Washing Machine that I have, and the dryer (that I missed every single time I put on crispy air dried clothes on my mission). Yes, I DID just insert parenthesis INSIDE of parenthesis!!)

BUT finally the other day- as I SWEPT my DEBIT CARD through the machine at the Fred Meyer it hit me.

MAGIC.

Here I was spending Money that I did not make.

I did not wake up at 5;30 in the evening to go to work all night in a crazy E.R., I did not show dozens of houses to clients in the pouring rain, I was not exhausted from dealing with a boss, co-workers, and patients that were driving me nuts. In fact-The I LOVE my little "worker bees"! In fact, they are the reason I LOVE being the C.E.O.

So how did this Money MAGICALLY APPEAR in my bank account making it possible for me to buy our family Groceries, Hot Wheels, and Ghetto Grocery Store Mascara (yes, I am still trying to find a good one). This magical money that allows me to go out for Girl's Nights, ice cream cones with my kids, and sometimes a Well-Deserved Caffeine Free Frappucino! (because, that Folding Laundry is tough work!)

So here it is:

The Parable of the Laundry.

Thank you, Babe. Thank you for working hard for our family so that I can work hard at home. Thank you for doing things in your job that are not pleasant so that I can enjoy mine more fully. Thank you for NEVER ONCE teaching ME this parable by complaining about the money you make and I spend. Thank you for "magically" making things happen.

Now, go check the closet-- there is a surprise waiting for you!

How I feel about THAT

2011-01-14T20:46:00.000-08:00

I recently read an article that was posted on my Sister in Law's Blog from the Wall Street Journal about PARENTING. I really disagreed with one of the perspectives and have no where else to voice this disappointment than my Blog. So here it goes out in to the Blog-O-Sphere.
here is the article- which I DID find VERY interesting and agreed with MANY of the points on Parenting.

ONE point, however, that I disgree with is the perspective given by the writer's husband saying that "(children) don't choose to be born... It's parents that foist life on their kids. Kids don't owe their parents anything. Their duty will be to their own kids."

This concept will not leave my mind. And it is breaking my heart.

Do people REALLY believe that we "FOIST LIFE" on our children? What a SAD world to live in if we believe that WE are so POWERFUL to FOIST LIFE and to CREATE without REGARD! Of course Children CHOOSE to be born. What kind of God would send His own Spirit children to earth if they DID NOT WANT TO GO there? Thank Goodness for the knowledge of the Plan of Salvation! To know that we ALL had the CHOICE to come to earth. To be born. To LIVE! And if we are HERE we know that we made that choice, stood by it, and fought for it. No one FORCED me to be born.

I know that we did not all necessarily CHOOSE our families and parents. We did not CHOOSE our circumstances. And there are MANY instances where children have not been born into good homes under good circumstances. (another reason to be Grateful for the Plan of Salvation!) Aren't we lucky to have The Proclamation to the World about FAMILIES? Defining that it is the RIGHT of a CHILD to be born into a loving family with a father and mother. I am so sorry for the children who have been denied that opportunity. My heart really does go out to them and to those that do not want to be in that situation. But even with the wrong circumstances, with rough up bringings,and negligent parenting; there is the Atonement. The chance to overcome it all. To forgive our parents if necessary. And to be grateful for them.

If NOTHING else (and there is SO much MORE) be grateful to our Wonderful Mothers who SACRIFICED so much to bring children into this world! Who gave up sushi and skinny jeans. Whose hair falls out after the baby is 3 months and then SLOWLY grows back in! Whose figures may be gone forever! Whose boobs sag to their waists! (oops, TMI) Whose careers, ambitions and hobbies may be on the back burners for a few years. Those Mothers who tossed and turned for 9 months with Restless Leg Syndrome, Heartburn, Fatigue, and Forgetfullness. Those mothers who have said Good Bye to cute clothes so that their kids can wear them. Those mothers who stay home from Girl's Nights when their little ones have a fever. Those Mothers who save and save and save to take their family to Disney Land only to have their 5 years old cry the whole time because she HAD to wear SHORTS when she WANTED to WEAR A SKIRT! (that was for my own Mother...sorry...) Those Mothers who held their newborn for the First time and cried because they could not understand HOW they could love ANYTHING as much as their little one. How can we owe those mother's nothing?

(RANDOM THOUGHT: I just watched Gone With the Wind and I keep hearing Rhett Buttler say to Scarlett "A CAT is a Better Mother than you!" OUCH! but still kinda funny)

and Dads
I didn't forget them either.

Go to work EVERYDAY to hand over the paycheck to the family. Do you know how many Season Tickets, Buffalo Wings, and Shiny Chromy stuff they could buy if they weren't supporting a family. Dads who hold the hand and marvel as their Baby comes into the world. Dads who hang up pictures of chubby faces and squishy toes all over their offices at work. Who brag about Athletic Skills and futures in the NFL when their sons throw their first ball. Who sing in the middle of the night to their little girls. Who carry a baby carrier in one hand, with a toddler on one hip, and a little girl riding piggy back to the Library, the Zoo, and Church. Who get Thrown Up on in the middle of the night. (there is my Shout Out to Shawn and JT who have both recently survived this) Who give up new Mountain Bikes if it means a new Stroller for his little Princess. (I meant me. I am the one who wanted the Hummer of All Strollers... not cadillac. I have a BOB *smile and sigh*)

SO I guess what I am trying to say is:
HOW CAN WE OWE THESE PARENTS NOTHING?

Most parents are not doing something SELFISH by FOISTING LIFE on their CHILD. (If I wanted to do something SELFISH it would NOT be HAVING KIDS.) I am THANKFUL for the gift it is to HAVE these sweet children. And we need to be Thankful for the Gift of Life that was given to us by Parents and a Loving Heavenly Father.

I DO hope that as the husband in the article said - they will DO THEIR DUTY to THEIR KIDS. That of course will be one of my greatest joys in life.

It reminds me of the Lesson on Sunday when one of the girls asked WHAT it means when the scriptures say "To turn the hearts of the Fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers."

And that is how I feel about that.

De Ja Vu

2011-01-14T19:05:00.000-08:00

You know the feeling...

the shudder and chill that rolls up your back

the eerie feeling that you have "been here before"

the glitch in the Matrix

De Ja Vu.

Here I am. Again.

I can almost hear a bus full of kids on the way home from a Field Trip singing:

"Same Song,

Second Verse,

A Little Bit Louder,

And a Whole Lot Worse!"

And there they go again.

What is giving me this unnerving feeling?

P.A. School.

Wasn't I just here? Writing about this? On this same Blog? Has it already been a year?

It is the same story:

Boy applies to P.A. School. Boy (and cute Wifie) wait to hear back. Boy gets the small, thin envelopes of rejection in the mail. This time, no interviews. This time just "no thank you". Boy and Wifie are confused. How can this Keep Happening to him? Colleagues keep saying things like "How could this happen?" and "You were robbed". Wifie just looks at the mail box in confusion.

Just like the Song says- it IS "a Little Bit Louder" this time around. How does Rejection feel SO LOUD even in a tiny envelope? There is a strange, familiar voice in Rejection this time. But, it ISN'T "a Whole Lot Worse".

Is it because I have done this enough to gain the "Aquired Taste" for Rejection? Is it because we knew that the competition would be even tougher this year?

OR is it because SOMEHOW this time it is DIFFERENT...

IT ISN'T THE END OF THE WORLD. Last year, it felt like it was. I guess there is something to be said for Surviving something you thought you couldn't. Something to be said for the Comfort that comes from falling onto your knees. From falling into your husbands' arms. From leaning on friends and leaning on faith. There is something to be said for hitting your own personal Rock Bottom (don't snicker at me if you are thinking to yourself that I have NO IDEA what Rock Bottom is-- YOU have no idea what this past year has been like for us) There is something to be said for Realizing that the world really DOES keep turning.

And another year rolls past.

So am I saying "what's another year of applying? we'll get in next year?"

Am I saying "I really can't do this another time?"

I don't know.

What I DO know, and what I AM saying is that I am TRYING to Feel Peace.

I am CONFIDENT that the Lord knows what He is doing. (Didn't I already write this quote? About how He will do what is for our own good??)

Didn't I LEARN THIS PRINCIPLE ALREADY??

Last Year?? When it felt like the End of The WORLD. (here is the Ironic Twist that we have all been waiting for) Wasn't NOT GETTING IN TO P.A. SCHOOL LAST YEAR the BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO OUR FAMILY!?

That's right.

I said Rock Bottom-

and then I said "BEST thing that Ever Happened!"

We GREW so much. I wish I could write ALL of the reasons why we NEEDED to stay here this past year. Why it saved us to not be in school, not be away from our home, not away from each other. So even though I wondered how I would Survive - How it could all work out - How it could be for our Good- it was.

I guess THAT is what is FAMILIAR about this De Ja Vu ripple up my neck that tingles and feels uncomfortable. I HAVE BEEN HERE BEFORE. I don't WANT to BE BACK HERE AGAIN.

But I am.

I am still disappointed. I am still scared about what to do next. I am still confused about how this keeps happening to us.

But I am hopeful. Hopefull that the Best is Yet to Come. Hopeful that we will be stronger for this. Hopeful that the "window" that needs to be opened will be opened. Hopeful that our faith and prayers will be heard and answered.

We are still waiting to hear back from ONE MORE SCHOOL. And guess which one that is? Puerto Rico. Our DREAM COME TRUE. I can't stop praying yet. Not when I hear Riley's sweet voice ask Heavenly Father to "help Daddy get in to P.A. school" every time she prays. But I can't help wondering if I am the modern day Shadrach, Meshack, and Abednego who were so Faithful to say their God would save them, but so willing to do His will that they added "BUT IF NOT..."

I hope this is not another "but if not..." moment for us. After all- we know how their story ended :)

All I can say is that I have Been Here Before. And I am Here Again.

My BROWS look BAD

2010-12-27T21:44:00.000-08:00

Ok, Ladies, if MY BROWS look bad... so do yours :)

I guess we need another WAX NIGHT!

Here is how it goes:

YOU PLAN THE NIGHT- INVITE YOUR GIRLFRIENDS/SISTERS/MOMS/STRANGERS AT THE STORE WITH UNI-BROWS/ANYONE YOU KNOW

(Last time, when Jenni did it- she had a Craft Night at her house- so everyone could come with their projects, work on them, eat some treats and get in line for their Brows or whatever else. You could also do a movie night- or just a hang out- whatever works. Don't feel like you need to do anything exciting- no decorations, nothing fancy, just looking good while hanging out)

I BRING ALL OF MY WAXING FUN

AND WE ALL LEAVE MORE BEAUTIFUL

If you HOST A PARTY and have AT LEAST 3 OTHER GUESTS WHO GET WAXED - I WILL DO YOUR FACIAL WAXING FOR FREE!!

SO, LET'S HAVE A GIRLS NIGHT!! I had so much fun last time at Jenni's house, and I think I have worked out some kinks to fit you all in better this time :)

Let me know IF/WHEN you want to SCHEDULE your PARTY!

Prices:
Brows-$8
Lip or Chin- $5
Full Face- $15
Legs or Bikini- call me

So to Honor Him

2010-12-21T12:44:00.001-08:00

This year JT and I have been listening to Josh Groban's Christmas Album. And we have been LOVING "Little Drummer Boy".

Every time I listen to it I close me eyes and smile.

I love to picture a quiet manger in the middle of the night. I imagine a very young very sweet and very exhausted Mary snuggling a tiny newborn. I picture her happy in the stable and grateful that she wasn't surrounded by strangers in a crowded Inn during this precious moment. Thankful for her loving Husband who I am sure made her as comfortable as he possibly could, and felt sorrow that he could not give her and the Baby more that night. I am sure she was overwhelmed with the daunting challenge of raising the Son of God. And of course having known that according to Isaiah He would be "despised and rejected" and that He would be "a man of many sorrows". (It is unthinkable to imagine the heartache I would feel if my own son were despised and rejected.) And then to be "wounded for Our transgressions". Poor Mary. She must have been holding Him so tight that night. Protecting Him for as long as she could, until He would be called upon to be Her protector and Savior.

And right when my heart almost breaks for Mary I see the Humble shepherds outside of the manger. They must have been hesitant to interrupt such a beautiful moment, but then anxious to see and kneel before their King. I picture Mary being happy and gentle and understanding that she would always have to share Her Baby Boy. And grateful for the few that would not be there to despise Him, but to worship and Love Him.

And then of course- in the back of the crowd is this fictitious Little Drummer Boy. (don't worry, I have read Luke enough to know he wasn't really there :)

I love hearing Josh Groban sing about this boy. Being desirous to come and see the Baby. And the comfort in the realization that they were both Poor. I can see him nervously asking if he can play for the baby. And the thing I love about this song is how it builds. How I can literally hear the drummer boy get confident and excited as he drums on his little drum. The genuine desire to play his "BEST for Him." And my favorite part- is when he belts out the phrase "So to HONOR Him".

I get the chills every time.

How did this Little Drummer Boy know to give his Best for the Baby King? Who was poor, and alone in a manger. There was no throne, or crown, there was not even a cradle. And yet he, and the shepherds, and later the wise men all knew that they would come to Honor Him.

I am so thankful for this time of year. For beautiful music that inspires me and helps me to imagine what it would have been like to be there. Would I have been one of those in the crowded Inn? So grateful for a nice bed, and unwilling to congratulate the new mother in the manger outside? Would I have been looking for a Star to lead me to my Savior? Would I have been worthy and humble enough to see and hear the Angels?

Would I have Played My BEST for Him? So to HONOR Him?

I hope that I would have. I hope that I will. I hope that I will start this New Year, just like the New Star and look towards Him, point towards Him, and reflect His Light. I hope that I will be humble like the shepherds, and faithful like the wise men. I hope that I will be as selfless as Joseph (I wish we knew more about him, he must have been so special). And that I will be like Mary- and protect Him. Protect His name in my home, protect His Gospel wherever I go, protect His children that He has allowed me to raise.

And I hope that I will be like that Little Drummer Boy. Using my gifts and talents to the Best of my abilities to Honor Him.

Merry Christmas

P.S.
Because you HAVE to close your eyes and LISTEN to the Song too! (this is a link, so click here and listen to Josh with your eyes closed)

Happy Birthday to ME

2010-12-13T20:42:00.000-08:00

When I was little I remember my mom was ALWAYS the FIRST to say Happy Birthday. And she would ALWAYS say
"I remember the Day you were born... I WAS THERE"
Which always made us smile because OF COURSE she was there!

Here are some of my favorite memories:

AGE 8:
Turning 8 when my oldest brother turned 16, so he was able to Baptize me. pretty cool.

Asking for a watch and opening up a present that was an empty box and wanting to cry- until my brother realized he had forgotten to put the watch IN the box.

Age 9:
Asking for "music" since I knew how cool that was. (Being 1986 Big "Boom Boxes" were the thing) My brother gave me "Wierd Al Yankovich"....

Age 10:
My FIRST Crimper! Yep, I remember being in the 4th/5th grade class split and being SO cool because I could Crimp my hair!

High School:
Waking up to go to Seminary- not knowing that my family had changed ALL of the clocks in the house to an HOUR EARLIER. We then went to my friend's house (the Merrill's) and had Heart Shaped Waffles with a bunch of my friends BEFORE SEMINARY!
(Yep, they were all crazy enough to wake up an hour early to have breakfast! I THINK that was sophomore year... I don't know)

Showing up at school to strangers saying Happy Birthday to me... and then seeing Posters with Pictures of me all over the school saying to wish me a Happy Birthday (I think this was my 16th)
I had good friends and a great mom, huh?

The Mission:
A SURPRISE P-Day Birthday Party at the "park" in Downtown Antananarivo. My companions Blind Folded me and took me in a taxi and through the crazy streets to the park where the rest of the missionaries were. :)(you have all heard me say that I LOVED ALL of my companions! I was so blessed)

Age 25:
Crying because I felt SO OLD (because I thought I should be married with 10 kids by 25! lol. SO glad I was NOT married yet!) - to a guy that could not understand WHY I thought 25 was old!! (yeah, he was right)

Age 30:
(kind of going to tear-up with this one)
Holding hands with Heidi as we crossed the Finish Line for my first 10k! What a wonderful present to myself! I don't know WHERE I got the idea that it would be cool to run a 10k on my 30th Birthday- but it was the perfect way to start out my 30's!
(p.s. Kristin COULD have held hands like a dork with me and Heidi but she was too fast for me!lol)

Age 32:
Woke up to Macie's sweet smile.
Kicked my butt at the gym.
Then we took the kids Downtown to Macy's and got their pictures with Santa Clause! They were adorable! Then we walked around, looking at the train, riding the Carousel, and eating THE MOST DELICIOUS APPLE FRITTER at Top Pot Dougnuts.
And after a Heavenly dinner of Papa John's pizza (scary how much I love it!) Jt and the kids gave me presents and even BAKED ME A CAKE!
Then when it couldn't get much better, some girlfriends sent me a bunch of Sweet messages (DITR), and lots of facebook Love!

So- I don't know if I could pick a FAVORITE BIRTHDAY- but I can say that each year gets better and better. I can't believe how HAPPY I am. I feel SO BLESSED to have the best friends, a wonderful family (extended included!), and so many happy memories.

Happy Birthday to ME!

The Great Stocking Dilemma

2010-12-10T13:43:00.000-08:00

Here it is- The great 6 year dilemma of the Christmas Stocking.

(This is a 6 year dilemma because TODAY is our 6th ANNIVERSARY!!-- Making it 6 years that I have struggled with this problem)

THE CHRISTMAS STOCKING DILEMMA

I try to not be this person- but sometimes I am. The person who wants things to be just right- and if they aren't just right- then I will just WAIT to do it until it can be just right.

Examples:
I will not go to Disneyland with my kids until I can afford to pay for it all in cash- and be able to buy the toys I want and stay in the cool hotel.
(which is why I am not planning this trip for at least two more years, this isn't about money- it is about doing it right)

I will not put socks on that don't match. I would rather have barefoot, cold feet than two different socks on. (not because of the matchy thing- it is a texture thing-- don't ask)

I would rather NOT have Christmas Lights on my house than to have funky lights flipped different directions.

SO-
The issue with the Stockings:

I have SEARCHED the internet, every Holiday store, every possible sale for "the RIGHT Christmas Stockings"

Christmas Stockings are difficult. They are kind of like the centerpiece of the Christmas Decorations. (ok, I just reread this- and realized that OF COURSE- Your Nativity is the Centerpiece of Christmas...)Anyways, Your tree changes every year (at least it SHOULD- accept for all of you Fake Tree People), other decorations are more subtle, you can even change WHERE in the house you place your other decorations. (Ugly Angel can go on that shelf over there this year) But the STOCKINGS are HUNG by the CHIMNEY with CARE.

Right there- the mantle- the middle of the Living Room. You hang up your Stockings every year. Which means there is no Freedom to Change Styles. Luckily I did not buy them when we were Newly Weds. I would have bought plain red and white stockings and then added Felt Green Lettering with our names on them BECAUSE that is what I HAD GROWING UP. Now, mom, before you get all offended, I LOVE THOSE STOCKINGS. (I love the picture of Beth and me in our bare bums just out of the bath tub admiring the long line of stockings over the fire place) But the point is- that was MY FAMILY'S TRADITION, not JT's, and not OURS.

If I would have bought them two years later- I would have bought the Pottery Barn ones with Snowflakes that I like and paid the extra money for them to be personalized with our names on them. Therefore spending WAY too much money, and then I would have discovered the next year (when it would be time to buy Blake's) that they would discontinue that line of Stockings leaving me with 3 matching and a new one for Blake!

(as we know by now, I CAN NOT do the NOT MATCHING thing)

THEN if I bought them that year, I would realize how much my style would have changed. I would have bought the crazy sassy ones I saw at Pier 1 with high heals and sparkles and crazy colors. I would have loved that they were unconventional and crazy.

But then I would have had ANOTHER BABY! And I would have gone back to Pier 1 and tried to buy a 5th one in that style and found that they have changed their designs too and don't have the same line. And if they did have one close enough to appear match- it would still look like Macie was our After Thought child!

SO I have still NEVER BOUGHT Christmas Stockings.
I have never seen the PERFECT STOCKING that really matches my style. That isn't going to go out of style by the next Christmas.
But that isn't the ONLY PROBLEM...
(because I DID see the PERFECT STOCKINGS the other day for $30 each!! And could not BARE to spend $150 on STOCKINGS!!)
But the other problem is: I have never known HOW MANY TO BUY.

Do I just buy 5? WHAT IF we have ANOTHER CHILD IN 5 YEARS? Am I suppose to buy EXTRAS JUST IN CASE??- and then have the Monogrammed with the names they MIGHT be?? (maybe this is why my mom used Green Felt)

WHAT IF I BUY THOSE PERFECT BUT EXPENSIVE ONES AND CHANGE MY MIND AND DECIDE I LOVE THE VICTORIAN STYLE INSTEAD? (I can't even write that without cringing and laughing a little, that will never happen)

WHAT IF I BUY HEALS AND SPARKLEY STOCKINGS AND BLAKE IS TOO EMBARRASSED TO EVER HAVE FRIENDS OVER TO OUR HOUSE BECAUSE OF OUR STOCKINGS AND HE BECOMES FRIENDLESS BECAUSE OF ME?? (ok, I actually already ruled out the sparkly ones)

so, here we are, 6 Christmases together and No Stockings.

oh, maybe I should just SEW them.... I never thought of that...
just kidding

I Just ReRead this and realized that I am DEFINITELY MISSING THE REAL MEANING OF CHRISTMAS!! WHERE IS THAT CHARLIE BROWN SPECIAL WHEN YOU NEED IT???

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

2010-12-02T18:11:00.001-08:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!
WHAT?! IT's DECEMBER??
Oh well, better late than never!

Riley LOVED digging in the guts and pulling out the seeds. She is SO NOT MY DAUGHTER!

This is how I dig in pumpkins! I am NOT a GUTS kind of girl. Ask my little sister, I think I convinced her to dig out all of the guts in my pumpkins growing up! I should have thought of gloves as a kid!

I DO like the CARVING part. I am really proud of this little lady. You can't tell, but she has Hi-Lights that Glow in the dark, and the longest false eye lashes I have ever seen on a pumpkin. Yeah, she's a cutie.

JT carved the kids because I was working on mine. This is how we do things. He does the Yucky Stuff. Then he helps the kids do theirs while I work on mine :) Oh, and I take the pictures.

What is on my kids' faces?? OH, that. They went into the Bathroom together with the markers they had for "painting" the pumpkins... and ended up making faces on each other! Thank goodness for Washable Markers!!

TRUNK OR TREAT!
This is Riley as a princess. Why is this my only pic? You know why, I am lame.

Macie was our other princess! Not a great pic either. Once again. I am lame.

I didn't even get one of Blake at the Trunk or Treat party?? Don't act surprised- I am lame!

So here we are.
Riley was a Princess
Macie was, of course, a Princess.
Blake was an Astronaut.
Jt was dressed as The World's Best Dad :)
Katie- was just happy to be dressed and all in one piece and to have at least blogged it a few months later!

Have you ever....

2010-11-22T20:18:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been at the Gym, listening to your ipod and doing your abs at the end of your workout... over on the mats where you can stretch or whatever... and accidentally Passed some Gas????

And then tried to play it off like you didn't notice because if you can't HEAR it- you obviously DIDN'T DO it. And then you could not make eye contact with the other guy who was there doing his push ups.
Anyone?

Yeah, me neither...

Things I learned from my Mother

2010-11-15T19:00:00.000-08:00

THINGS I LEARNED FROM MY MOTHER, WHETHER OR NOT I BELIEVED HER WHEN SHE TAUGHT THEM TO ME IS IRRELEVANT :)

to Talk with my HANDS (no, not sign language- more like flailing)
that Name Brand doesn't always matter-- accept for TOMATO SOUP and MAC n CHEESE. (and don't follow the directions on the Campbell can and add water like JT did when we first got married and I almost cried...)
shopping at Thrift Stores is COOL! (she was the original Ashlee Crabtree- before Ashlee made it cool) And that Value Village is "overpriced".
how to mark my scriptures (ok, that was actually my Seminary Teacher, but she WAS my Seminary Teacher so I think it still counts)
to let my daughter wear a TuTu all winter long if she wants to (I just read how this is a good developmental thing for young children to have ownership over decisions that they are capable of making... I don't know if my mom knew that or if I was just TOO STUBBORN to fight with at age 5)
that the Dollar Store is a wonderful wonderful place (I was too cool for that information until I moved closer to one- now I am hooked!)
that a Glue Gun is an essential tool in any home
how to DECORATE a CAKE and the importance of creating a Rockin' cake for your Kids' Birthdays because they will brag about it and you will feel really cool!
how to sing- and a LOVE of BARBARA STREISAND's Christmas Music as well as Carol King, Neil Diamond and Jim Croche (no not their Christmas Music)... ahhhh I am smiling just thinking about them. (oh, my mom doesn't actually TEACH how to sing. But growing up I thought she was so crazy to turn down Broadway to raise a family!! At least I THOUGHT she had done that - since she was such a wonderful singer!... ... ... ... this is awkward since I don't know how to finish this one...)
Since I am on the subject of her amazing-ness (has anyone read Josh's blog about 'ness') she knows ALL the answers on JEOPARDY.
how to make Peanut Brittle, Elephant Ears, Swedish Pancakes and other yummy favorites
the importance of a Good Sense of Humor and laughing at your own jokes-- oh, and that it is kind of funny to call your parents by their First Names ;0)

Just thinking of her today and all of the fun things she has taught me :)
LOVE YA NANCY

Won't it be funny to see what Riley says about me in 20 years...

a love for ALL things SPARKLY
a need for 100 pairs of shoes
how to make a mess in the kitchen

we'll see

This is for YOU

2010-11-14T21:34:00.000-08:00

I THOUGHT I was writing this Blog for myself

I THOUGHT this was to document the evolution and events of my little family.

(you can SEE how diligent I have been with that by noticing the pictures on the side of the blog of my beautiful family... wait, are we missing someone? is Blake still crawling in that picture?)

I THOUGHT I was cool enough to not care what other people think.

I WAS SO WRONG...

Ok, all of you BLOG STALKERS out there. I KNOW you are reading this. I KNOW you know who you are. I KNOW are busy/lazy/boreing/forgetful but seriously-- HOW WILL I KNOW IF ANYONE IS READING THIS IF YOU NEVER LEAVE A COMMENT??

oh, what? There is something I can do through Google to find out who has been visiting my Blog? or how many of you there really are? Oh, that thing my sister in law tried to tell me how to do- but I was to computer illiterate to figure out how to do it on my own, that?

Well, I don't want to do that (ok, yes, I do. I seriously just could not figure out how to do it. But I did find out you could COPY something by pushing Ctrl and C at the same time!) Anyways, I just want you to LEAVE A COMMENT ALREADY!!

Is it rude to *yell* at my cyber audience?

sorry, I guess I got a little carried away.

Just, you know, let me know if you are reading this- before I give up and start posting really lame stuff...

oh, what? my stuff IS lame already? Ok, well, YOU don't have to leave a comment then. But everyone else does.

:)

Change of PLANS- WAX NIGHT

2010-11-12T16:08:00.000-08:00

Hey Everyone-
We have a CHANGE of PLANS for the Girls' Night:

a) Jenni Warner wants to have a project night on Sat and we didn't think hubbies would like us girls out on Friday AND Saturday

b) Blake is STILL throwing up- and Macie just started in on the Diarhea so I doubt you all want to come over HERE tonight-- although I have been spraying everything down all day!

SO Let's move the Girl's Night WAX Party/Project Party/ Whatever you want to call it to get out of the House Night to:

JENNI WARNER's HOUSE
TOMORROW SATURDAY 13th AT 8PM
BRING YOUR PROJECTS AND YOUR BROWS (or whatever else you need to wax) AND LET'S PARTY!

EVERYONE IS INVITED. Call me for address if you don't have it :)

If you were planning to come tonight and you CAN'T do tomorrow night- CALL ME I CAN STILL WAX TONIGHT :) It just may not be as much fun as a Girl's Night!

Girl's Night

2010-11-08T21:42:00.000-08:00

Even if you don't feel like waxing- come play at my house (since JT will be at work and I will be baking anyways!)

the good news and the bad news

BAD FIRST:

I have REALLY REALLY decided to not do Hair anymore... I know, I know, I say this every few months- but this time I am actually going to be strong and follow through on this. (as hard as it is) Sorry Everyone. :(

I will still probably do a few YW's hair in the ward that I trade hair for Baby Sitting, so if you see a YW and she says I did her hair- don't think I am being selective or anything (I just can't handle PAYING a babysitter!)

GOOD NEWS:

I am STILL DOING WAXING.

AND I decided I will try doing a WAX NIGHT GIRL'S NIGHT

NEXT FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 12th
8pm - till I fall asleep

If you are not interested in Waxing just come and hang out. (You know my house always has Yummy things to eat- and there should be lots of laughing and no kids around)

If you ARE interested in Waxing please let me know. I will do this like an Open House so you can come whatever time you like- OR you can schedule a specific time - I will just keep the wax hot so when we are sick of eating we can start waxing!

PRICES:
Brows: $8
Lip or Chin: $5
Lower Leg: $20
Full Leg; $35
Bikini: $20 (By Appointment Only) really, don't be a chicken-- you know you have always wanted to try it :)

let me know if you are stopping by :)

"Service"

2010-10-30T00:16:00.001-07:00

Family Night- a few weeks ago.
Lesson: SERVICE

ME: Service is when we do something nice for someone without expecting anything in return.

BLAKE: SERVICE!

RILEY: If I help you make your bed? Is that service?

ME: Yeah Riley! That's it! What else is Service?

RILEY: Helping Mommy?

ME: Yep, Helping Mommy clean the bathrooms is service.
(This is where I need to tell that I have discovered that my children LOVE to clean TOILETS! I give them the scrubber wand - with the disposable soapy thing at the end - and they can be entertained for hours!!)

ME: What else?

RILEY: If Blake helps wipe my bum when I go potty, is that service?

Yep, you read that right.

ME: (not wanting to stifle any desire to serve) Uh, yeah, I guess that IS service...

SO, Primary President, do you have a lot of stickers for Blake's "Acts of LOVE", we have had a lot of SERVICE around our house lately...