If I Had Known Then

Monday will be our 8th Anniversary since JT and I were married.  (Can I get a Woot Woot?!)  That means we have known each other for about... 8 years.

You see, back in August of 2004 I was dating a pretty nice guy.  He wasn't my dream guy, but he was fun and sweet and not really my type.  It wasn't very serious, so when he decided to leave town for a month neither of us really cried about it.  We just kind of let things go.  Next time I ran into him, I was engaged.  To JT.

On August 17th 2004 we went on our first date.  We walked along the beach at Golden Gardens in North Seattle and ate seafood and ice cream.  Then sat on the dock at the lake by his house.  It was simple but really wonderful.  So wonderful that we kept dating, until finally on September 16th 2004 he took me to dinner at the Salish Lodge in a little private room overlooking the falls and after dinner as we watched the falls in the moonlight he got down on one knee and pulled a diamond ring out of his pocket.  I was sold. (But it wasn't just the diamond, I promise)

We had a long, long engagement to try to get to know each other better, since we only dated for a few weeks before he gave me the Sparkly.  So on December 10th, 2004 we were married for Eternity in the Seattle Temple (ironically located in Bellevue).   If you don't suck at math, like me, you know that was a grand total of 4 months from our first date to our wedding.

We literally spent our Honeymoon getting to know each other!  We loved it.  We went to Cancun and JT found out that I have a fear of riding bikes - which he helped me get over.  And I discovered that he will spoil me for the rest of my life.   And that he falls asleep everywhere.  On the plane, on the ferry, on the bus, waiting for the ferry.  I can't imagine what we did on our Honeymoon that would wear that boy out so much??? 

For such a short courtship you would think we didn't know each other that well. But I think we really did.  We talked about our pasts, our present, and our dreams of the future.  We seemed to have everything in common.  It was so easy to fall in love and to be in love.  And I felt like I knew him as well as I knew myself.

Then a few weeks ago I found out something new.  I thought I knew everything.  I thought we had a completely open and honest relationship.  I thought we had an understanding.  And I had to ask myself "If I had known this 8 years ago, would I have married him?"

While we were driving down the road he shocked me.  I was blissfully singing along with Wham! "Last Christmas" when JT muttered "I can't stand this song." 

Shock.  Horror.  Disappointment.  Loss.  Sorrow.  Confusion.  Betrayal.

I felt it all.  

How could he do this?  How could anyone not love Last Christmas??  Even in Madagascar they loved Wham! (I remember the Coca Cola truck driving around blasting it, and reveling in the beautiful sound of American music) It isn't Christmas till you hear George Michael sing about his poor heart thrown away on the Christmas before.  You share in his pain and cheer on his resolve to not let it happen again.  To be strong.  To give it to someone special.

In fact, I understand this song more than ever.  Didn't I give my heart to someone special?  

*sigh*

Well, I just got done doing a Pros and Cons list.  Turns out, the pros of being madly in love with me.  Being absolutely thoughtful and generous.  Getting out of bed in the middle of the night to get me a glass of water.  Supporting my dreams.  Making me laugh.  Taking me to exotic surprise getaways (only 15 minutes till we leave for the airport!!! I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO excited!).  Being my best friend.  Being the world's best dad.  And being all mine for Eternity seems to out weigh the cons: bad taste in Christmas Music.

I guess if I knew then what I know now, I would definitely still marry him.  (But I might have waited for the Christmas Season to really start so that I knew what I was getting into.)