Thursday, January 28, 2010

So that I don't have to tell the story 100 times....

Since most of you knew that JT would be hearing back from Pacific University this week about PA school- I thought I would just put it here... So that I don't have to tell this story 100 times...

"CAST NOT AWAY THEREFORE THY CONFIDENCE... for ye have need of patience, that after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise... we are not of them that draw back."
Heb 10:35
"In Latter-day Saint talk that is to say, Sure it is tough... but don’t draw back. Don’t panic and retreat. Don’t lose your confidence. Don’t forget how you once felt. Don’t distrust the experience you had. That tenacity is what saved Moses and Joseph Smith when the adversary confronted them, and it is what will save you."
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Sooooo.... I am feeling very "confronted" by the adversary.

Two years ago, while visiting my parents on their mission in Wash D.C., JT and I came to the realization that it was time to change careers. It was very scary to think of leaving behind Real Estate which had been going well for JT and to start all over in the Medical field. But we knew that with his huge heart, and the dreams we have for our future, he needed to find a field where he could be serving. Since then, JT has worked nights in the ER, gone back to school during the day to get all of the necessary prerequisites for PA school (that were not required for the Bachelor's degree that he completed a few years ago), and continued to do Real Estate to support our growing family. The last two years have felt like one exhausting sacrifice after another (and I am not just talking about giving up Lancome Mascara!). But we have never regretted this decision- knowing that we were led by the Spirit.

Since he finished the application process in September, it has been a roller coaster of ups and downs. Right when we were thinking we had no hope of getting in this year (which we had heard is common to not be accepted your first year) an email came from Pacific University in Oregon saying that we were on a waitlist for an interview!! The same peaceful reassurance that we are on the right track returned to us and our excitement grew. We knew it was still a long shot to get an interview but we felt good about it and prepared for the interview. Well, he got the interview and we went down to Oregon together. Pacific University explained that with over 1000 applicants, only about 125 would be chosen to interview and of those- only 42 would be admitted to the school. Kind of overwhelming odds. But we still felt like we are on the right track and that this is where the Lord wants us.

SOOOO that leads me to the part of the story I don't want to tell 100 times :)
On Wed JT got an email back from Pacific saying that he is again on the WAITLIST for acceptance. (and he isn't exactly high up on that list) The odds are stacked against us that enough people will turn down their acceptance to the school for us to be accepted. (I just noticed how I always say US as if I am involved in the process, just like I always say US when talking about pregnancy, as if HE is involved in that process!!) Needless to say, It's a long shot. A very long shot. But for this year, it is our ONLY shot. And it seems hopeless.

So where do we go from here? What do we do now? What happens when Heavenly Father tells you something is right and the rest of the world keeps telling you it is wrong? What about when you know that your husband is meant for this- and someone else says maybe he isn't?

Enter Jeffrey R. Holland
"...beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don’t give up when the pressure mounts. Certainly don’t give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness."

The reason I don't want to tell this story over and over again isn't because I want to cry when I think of us putting this off another year (which I do), or because it breaks my heart to think of ANYONE rejecting my wonderful husband (which it does), or because I think that this isn't the right decision (which seems to be the obvious answer)...

It is because SOMEHOW I STILL THINK THIS IS RIGHT and somehow I STILL THINK IT IS GOING TO WORK OUT!! It sounds crazy. It is practically impossible to think that he can still get in- and yet I do. Am I being naive? Am I just not ready to let it go-- or admit that I misunderstood what the Spirit was trying to tell me?

Or is this FAITH?
The kind of faith that Elder Holland talks about. The kind of faith that Ether talks about.
Is it really harder for JT to get into PA school than for the brother of Jared to move a mountain?

I know it sounds dumb to still think he is getting in-- that is why I can't keep telling this story over and over! I can't handle anyone thinking I am being naive or trusting the wrong thing. I can't have anyone telling me to go back on what I once thought was right, even if they think it is to prevent more heartache down the road. I am not ready to give up yet. Don't get me wrong, I still want to cry about it. But until the bell rings on the first day of school without him, I will plan on him being there.

"Fighting through darkness and despair and pleading for the light is what opened this dispensation. It is what keeps it going, and it is what will keep you going."
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland June 2000 Liahona

P.S. That is actually the link to his talk since I think EVERYONE should read the whole thing! The quotes just aren't enough!


  1. Your strength amazes me. I love your quotes and your positive outlook. I will keep JT and you of course, in my prayers. Love you!

  2. I too love your quotes. If only I had the ability or know-how to find the perfect quotes to go along with everything I'm going through at the time. I love that. And, I love that you shared this with everyone. I love your faith and attitude. I'll cross my fingers and say a few prayers for you both! Although, I will be severely dissappointed when you actually go and leave us because I love having you both in our ward! Good luck!

    Oh, and I also LOVE my haircut by the way. Thank you SO much!

  3. Thank you for sharing that, Katie. You have no idea how much it helped me. We'll keep you guys in mind and hope you get more news to share sooner rather than later!

  4. Thanks for sharing Katie! I do not think you are crazy for thinking he will still get in...even if the odds are stacked against you it will all work out if it is what the Lord wants (you already know that!) I think your faith is amazing and you will definately be blessed for that!


  5. Keep it up! Something good will come from this.

  6. I don't think you're crazy either. Like you said, it's no harder to get into a school than to move a mountain. Most of the really big, wonderful changes Chad & I have experienced in our lives were direct results of situations with odds of 1 in 1,000,000. We shouldn't be in Seattle, we shouldn't own a home, we shouldn't have enough money to live off of and we definitely shouldn't be expecting another kid. Besides, what's the harm in expecting good things? We're supposed to be faithful not fearful, right? I say go for it! Everything will happen exactly the way it's supposed to!!!

  7. You are not crazy, you are amazing and strong!! Wow, how perfect are those quotes, I love them all. My sister just shared this scripture with me and I think it applies here as well, Alma 36:3. We are also supporting you guys 100%, keep hoping and believing :)

  8. Katie, I know its hard to keep the faith (which you are doing great at) when the world keeps showing you how its wrong. Yet you have the spirit telling you your path is right. So, maybe you will get in this year, maybe you wont. I just have to remember that the Lord is telling me I am on the right path, and lots of times, its not going were I think its going. So yes, keep the faith. It all works out in the end. Love you guys.

  9. Hey katie- my name is ami peterson-i am darcy's sister. she recommended that i read your blog post and i am so glad i did. you have great faith and will be blessed. the story that came to my mind as i was reading your experience was when Heavenly Father commanded Nephi to build a ship. Nephi's family, people who were supposed to love him, people who had actually SEEN angels laughed at him. BUT Nephi's faith did NOT waiver. In fact his faith was so strong he simply asked to be shown how to make the tools to build the ship. He didn't waste one moment doubting whether or not it could be done.The words of the scriptures and modern day apostles and prophets help us tie that proverbial knot at the end of our ropes and allow us to hang on. I know that is why we are commanded to read from the Book of Mormon daily and study the words of our modern day prophet(s). After graduating from college and building a successful career we had our first child. i was climbing the corporate ladder with no place to go but up. the "right" people(the ones that give promotions and raises) liked me and i always seemed to be in the right place. The spirit told me i needed to quit and stay home. It was a long process of study and prayer, fasting and researching BUT we took that leap of faith and I left my career (and all the money and kudos that came with it). I have questioned that decision off and on over for the last 9 years. Inspite of all the miracles I have witnessed in our lives. Thank you for sharing Elder Holland's words regarding that. Our decision was right when I prayed about it 9 years ago and it is still right today. I know the Lord has a plan for each of us. He loves us and knows what is BEST for us.

  10. Katie - I've been through something similar. Last year Nate applied for a job in Utah and we felt this INCREDIBLE burning in our hearts, reassurance to the MAX every time we prayed about it and after three interviews, they turned him down. We are still so confused as to why we felt that way. We talk about it all the time. All I can think is that we needed to meet those people we interviewed with (Now I am saying "we" too!) for a future opportunity. Or we needed to learn something we couldn't have learned another way. I don't know. But I am grateful you posted those quotes. In fact, I'm going to share them with Nate right now. Maybe we can have a little closure with that situation. I hope everything works out for you. You are ABSOLUTELY doing the right thing by following the Spirit and putting all your trust in what HF tells you. You can't go wrong that way. I know Jonathon will be successful no matter where he goes to could he not with a wife like you by his side?!