postive consequences

Lately I have been working on positive thoughts.  Most of you know me as a pretty up beat, happy person- which is also what I consider myself (then again, I use to consider myself fearless, organized, and losing weight- all of which I have recently discovered I am not-- so maybe what I consider myself should not count). But I have been reading some articles dealing with thoughts that has made me wonder.  Is what is in my head different than what comes out of my mouth?  Or are some of my own negative thoughts even escaping my lips? And if so- what is this doing to me as a person?

I have been working on a little exercise to try to stop negative thoughts as soon as I have them.  But not just that- I want to produce positive thoughts as well.

A conversation between Katie and JT this evening:

Katie: Babe, I am dying here! I just want to BAKE something- and EAT something baked right now!!!
(thought bubble: don't do it, Katie, you are "giving your body better care"!)

JT: uh, ok, sorry about that.
(confused look because he just doesn't get the intense desire to bake!)

2 hours later:
Katie: (thought bubble, but maybe out loud, nobody was home to know if this was in my head or out loud)
Way to go, Me!  I didn't BAKE and therefore, I did not EAT an entire batch of anything baked! I am awesome!

(Here is a good example of my new Positive Thought Pattern.  Not only did I have the good thought (not to BAKE and EAT an entire batch of Cinnamon Rolls) but then Congratulating myself on a mini victory! Also a good example of how I like to ignore every English rule I ever learned, by adding parenthesis, dashes--, and whatever other strange grammatical mistake I can whenever I feel like it.)

5 minutes later:
Knock on my door.
Friend brings these.

No, my friend is not lame for taking a bite out of that cookie before she gave it to me, that is me diving in before I realized that this was a blogworthy moment.

Is this a Positive Consequence or what?!  Apparently all I have to do is THINK something POSITIVE and it will show up at my front door!

Right Now:
Katie: (Thought Bubble: ok, out loud, let's face it- just because I am alone I am still not quiet) Go me! Positive thinking will get you whatever you want! Wait, what else do I want??? Hurry before it wears off!

my first thought:
Someone to come mop my floors :)

any time now, people...


The moral of this story is: I am giving my body better care by having other people bring me yumminess so that I won't eat the entire batch- just  the entire plate one. Talk about Positive Consequences.

 Do you think JT will read this Blog and find out there was a plate of cookies here tonight??

My Word

If you read my last post then you also went to Aubrey's Blog and you are basically waiting next to your computer, checking your phone, or staring at my blog waiting for this post.  Don't deny it.  Your life can't go on until you know what my Word is for this year.  You can hardly think about anything other than my expectations and resolutions for 2012.  So, without further ado... or much more further ado.  I give you my first ever word.  Not sentence.  (hey, this is hard for a girl whose only talent is the use of her words through talking and writing and joking- to just have one word!) Just a word.

Give

(If I were Aubrey- and super awesome - I would have a really pretty picture and some cool photo shop stuff to make that word stand out. But alas, you are reading my blog, and not Aubrey's.  So you know there will be nothing of craft or talent.  Just a word. With the handy "italics" option. Give.)

This has resonated with me since I read her post a few weeks ago.  I even considered just stealing her word and committing a little plagiarism to kick off the new year, but something about that seemed like bad karma. :) Instead I looked back on 2011 and the one word that might describe last year.  My mind was filled with all of the kindness we received.  From people in NY willing to help me find housing in case we moved there.  To friends changing Macie's diapers and mopping my floors when I hurt my back.  And of course Christmas- and everything that went into that.  The word that came to me for 2011 was Gratitude. (In fact I made my first ever craft idea "The Grateful Board" that I look at every day!)   So it is only fitting if 2012 is filled with Giving.

So here is what I want to Give this year--

Give my Attention to my children

Give my Heart to JT

Give my Thoughts to prayer

Give my Time to those who need me

Give my Energy to my calling at church

Give my Talents an opportunity to improve

Give my Forgiveness to those who have Hurt me

Give my Body better care 

Give my Love wherever I can

This year I hope to need less.  I have to say- Needing was good for me this year.  Humbling.  Touching. Difficult.  But I feel like I have everything I could ask for.  Three fun adorable kids who light up each day.  A wonderful, thoughtful, kind husband who understands and adores me.  Acceptance to one of the best P.A. schools around.  Friends- who are real.  Money- ok, ok, I don't have that- but I don't lack it as much as many others in the world.  Faith- which caries me through and gives me hope.  So - if I can't ask for anything more - it must be time to give. 

I plan to keep a Journal where I can write down the "thing" that I gave that day.  And maybe sometimes- let you all know-- since you will probably be waiting on the edge of your computer desk for an update.  I hope it is filled with little phrases about giving a meaningful hug to my kids when they were hurt (or even fake hurt, which is often the case at our house), or that I gave my time to a friend by watching her kids while she was at a doctor's appointment- or even better- while she was out shopping because she just needed a break! or that I gave my Body a happy day by drinking enough water and driving past the drive thru instead of thru the drive thru, or that I gave JT my heart by thinking of his needs before my own.

Just saying the word give is making me smile already. 

I think it is going to be a great year.

The Word

About a year ago I met a very talented woman who has really inspired me this past year.  And I just fell in love with her New Year's Resolution.  So in love -  that I decided it was worthy of a post on my own blog! :) Really, you need to read it.  And then think of your own "word".  I am still working on mine, but I promise- my New Year's Resolution will be up here before February :)

Aubrey Annie: word

Thank you Aubrey for an inspiring thoughtful post!

enjoy

Overcoming My Fears

I am a chicken.

It is just that simple.  Of course, this is information I have only discovered in myself within the past few years.  Until then, I had considered myself fearless.  I am not afraid to speak in public.  I was not afraid to go on a mission to a foreign country.  (Ok, ok,  I was afraid of the spiders and cockroaches) I was not afraid to hitch hike, pee in the middle of I-5 during rush hour, ride on the back of motorcycles and whatever other thing I should have been afraid to do...

No, not me,  I am afraid of Spiders.

and Heights

and of breaking a major Bone in my body

and of Falling off of strange things

and of Bikes 

 ( JT has been helping with that one ever since we discovered that fear on our Honeymoon)

and of Ski Lifts

and Fire in any form

 (except camp fires, where the pyro in my family genes comes out)

Oh, and I am afraid of Wiggly Teeth.  (we'll come back to that one later)

One thing I am not afraid of is Adventure.  I think about it all the time.  You all know the heartbreak I went through at the loss of moving to NY and having a Big Adventure.  (which by the way- this flurry of snow we have had in Washington makes me very grateful we are not in upstate NY!) I was recently attempting to explain this need to my in-laws when my mother in law pointed out that maybe my adventure in life would be raising three children...  ( *crickets* awkward silence*)

To a girl who Fears Groundhog Day and the idea of doing the same dirty dishes, cleaning the same high chair, and matching the same piles of socks everyday-- the idea of this being my adventure in life was a little disheartening. Can't I raise three children while living in South Africa and eating "pop"?  Can't I bring my kids on my adventure to learn to speak Spanish in Puerto Rico? Can't my children be in the audience when I accept my Oscar for Best Actress?  Is there a way to have adventure AND raise my children?

Since this conversation a few weeks ago- I have been noticing ways that living right here, in Washington, next door to my home town, raising my three kids, with little or no death defying excitement -- I can still have adventure.

And last night- I found one such adventure.  And I overcame a major fear.

That's right, that was Me- not only touching a loose, wiggly tooth, but actually pulling it out!  I am amazing! (You can tell by my reaction that I was the only person who thought I was amazing. Riley didn't even realize I had pulled it out till I found it on her tongue and  handed it to her) There I was- on a random Monday night, having dinner with my family- when an adventure struck.  An opportunity to do something I have never done before! (isn't that the very definition of adventure? "an exciting or unusual experience")  A chance to overcome a fear- and triumph.  So maybe it isn't living on a sail boat in the Pacific, or homeschooling my kids on a Safari, or moving to Hollywood to pursue a career in acting,  but I am still having adventures.

Next stop: Spiders.

(ok, ok, I have tried that one before... I will always be afraid of spiders)

Special Acknowledgements:  

Thanks to Riley for being my assistant, prop, and test child in this video and in life.

Thanks to JT for his powerful cinematography.

Thanks to my Dad for being the Master Tooth Puller. It was like hearing Yoda in the background when I realized all I had to do was twist the tooth and it would pop out. And for passing that gene on to me.

Thanks to Miss Ashlee who prepped Riley to know that it would bleed so she didn't freak out.

Thanks to my mom who helped me sew an adorable Tooth Fairy Pillow.

Thanks to everyone else who made this possible- including a Tooth Fairy that left Riley a $1 bill and two Quarters, to which Riley was excited for the quarters and Blake was excited for "the Ticket!" (which is what he called the dollar bill, apparently he will not be in the Financial Business when he grows up) 

"Riley got a ticket!"

"The Someday Game"

One of our Favorite Games to play right now is called:

"Someday, when you Graduate from P.A. School...."

and then we fill in the blank with whatever wonderful thing we want to do when he graduates. 

Let's play, it's fun.

Someday....

We can go on a Cruise to the Bahamas.

I can buy Lancome mascara again.

We will take the kids to Disneyland!

We can move somewhere sunny. (as long as all of our friends vow to move with us)

I will buy Lilash.

I can redecorate the entire house exactly how I want it!

I will get a tummy tuck :)

We will have more time together.

See, this game could go on forever. But when I reread the list I have to remind myself that he will not be Winning the Lotto-- he will simply have a steady income! :)  I recently read my sister in law's blog talking about waiting for her husband's residency to be over.  Although she didn't post her wish list of all the fun things she wants to do when they are "rich" (rich being in parenthesis because I realize we will not be millionaires-- at least not yet) she did mention how easy it is to be waiting for the next phase in life and not completely loving the phase you are in.  She even referenced a really great article about this- As for years.

So here we are- two years from completing P.A. school (ok, 4 months from even beginning P.A. school!) and I have already figured out how to spend his first 10 pay checks! (without paying back any of the student loans:) But I don't want to get caught looking at "the end" and missing the middle. 

How can I have my cake and eat it too?  Take out more student loans to go on that cruise now? (ok, bad idea, but tempting...)  I need to enjoy what I have and where I am.  After a particularly difficult budgeting night for us last week I was really bummed out.  My list for "things to buy when he graduates" was astronomical.  I was so frustrated.  (the funny thing is- my list is full of really dumb things that I am the only one who cares about! not important things like New Washing Machine- but petty things like designer boots) And then JT did some random, sweet thing.  (for the life of me, I can not even remember what it was!) The list vanished.  The "somedays" were gone.  And suddenly I was sucked right back in to the Now.  I saw how wonderful life is Right Now.  I have the world's sweetest husband - who happens to adore me!  I have 3 fun kids- who drive me crazy--- but that is not going to change even if we do Win the Lotto!  I have great things in my life now.  Not just in two years when "this" is all over. 

Even a couple years ago- I was going through a really rough spot with the P.A. school rejection, finances tightening, and life just getting hard.  I cried a lot.  I wondered how I would look back on those months, if I actually survived them.  But when I do look back- I see those as the months when Macie was a new born who snuggled me all the time. I see a time when JT loved me deeply and was sincerely concerned for my happiness.  I see a time when I felt the Savior's love so tenderly. 

These next few years shouldn't be a waiting period filled with hours of playing "The Someday Game."  They are meant to be lived and enjoyed! 
(And maybe I can splurge on my Mascara every now and then!)

Happy Groundhog Day!

Happy Groundhog Day!

What?! I know, you are thinking- Katie, did you skip New Year's all together? no.  In fact, I am planning on coming back to that later.  I am still carefully sorting through my list of resolutions- but I really needed to Celebrate Groundhog Day first :)

How do you celebrate Groundhog Day?

 This is what my children are doing right now.  Pretty perfect, huh?  This is how I celebrate Groundhog Day.

It all began years ago when my "college roommates" loved the Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day.  (I should first explain that they were my "college roommates" - in quotation marks - because they attended BYU and I was college age - but I was not attending BYU so they are not technically my college roommates... I needed to make that clear in case any annoying snobs from my past are still correcting the fact that I did not attend BYU but merely lived in Provo;) So these roommates loved the movie Groundhog Day.  You know that weird thing where  you get obsessed with a movie and feel the need to quote, reenact, and torture others with it?  Like Princess Bride, Monty Python, and now apparently Groundhog Day.  They watched it all the time, and one lonely Friday night I conceded to join them.  Ugghh!  It almost killed me!  It was painful watching someone relive the same day over and over and over and over again!  Every time the alarm clock struck 6:00a.m. I winced.  I became anxious and felt the need to run screaming from our apartment.  Not because of Bill Murry (although he wasn't helping) but because the idea of that kind of monotony was suffocating to me.  

A few years later (in my immaturity) as others around me grew up and began having kids and I persisted in the fun adventures of being single - I witnessed what I thought was a real life version of that painful movie: Motherhood.  

Every day the same thing.  Over and over and over again.  I was terrified.  It was like running on a treadmill - all that hard work to end up in the exact same spot you started.  How could these moms handle it?  What was the variety?  Where was the adventure?  What was keeping them sane?

Today- I changed another poopy diaper.  I made another meal that my kids called "yucky".  I waited forever for Blake to get dressed (in the time it takes Blake to pull up his underwear he can get distracted 6 times with other toys!).  I swept a dirty kitchen floor.  I folded laundry. I stepped on a Hot Wheels. I brushed a lot of teeth.  I vacuumed up a Polly Pocket purse.  I found a sippy cup of milk. (not from today).  I broke up a fight.  I listened to crying. I changed another diaper. 

Was today Groundhog Day?  Didn't I do all of that yesterday?!  And the day before!  Are my fears all coming true?  Is the alarm clock going to strike 6:00 and begin playing "I got you, Babe" by Sonny and Cher???? (that only makes sense if you had the kind of roommates who loved Bill Murry)

Oh wait, I also received a giant slobbery kiss from Macie.  And then I watched Blake play with the octopus he made at preschool today.   I held Riley's hand as we crossed the street. (One of my favorite motherhood moments.)  I heard Blake tell the funniest story.  I snuggled with Riley in our bean bag.  I witnessed Macie eat an entire Dilly Bar at Dairy Queen all by herself (even Blake gave up half way through to let JT eat the rest).  I thanked Blake for putting away his shoes and he gave me a big hug.  I gave Macie big zerberts (those slobbery kisses that make weird noises) on her tummy when she changed into Pajamas and listened to the sweetest sound- Baby Giggles. I held all three of them on my lap as we read our scriptures.  And then I kissed each one of them, sang them each a lullaby, and put them to bed.  

I guess it isn't so bad after all.  It's not like running on a treadmill, more like skipping :) We never end up in the exact same spot- every day they are a tiny bit bigger and I love them a tiny bit more.

So that is how I celebrate just another Groundhog Day in the Life of Katie Tyler. I kiss them, sing them a lullaby,  put them to bed, and look forward to them waking up and doing it all again tomorrow.