Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Love Languages

Love Languages

 A few weeks ago we had an interesting Relief Society meeting about Love Languages.  We had a crash course on the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I am sure that everyone who attended got something different out of the meeting.  But I came away wanting to know what JT's Love Language is so that I can make sure I am speaking Love the way he likes to hear it.  I also came away wanting Gifts. 

Because apparently I am a Gift Receiver :)

Crash Course: (I got these definitions here which are worded a little different from our class- but close enough for blogging sake)
Words of Affirmation -- Positive verbal reinforcement. You feel loved when your partner expresses appreciation for the small things you do.
Acts of Service -- You feel loved when someone goes out of their way to make things more pleasant or smooth for you. Examples include: doing chores, cooking dinner, taking care of something that would normally be your responsibility.
Receiving Gifts -- If receiving gifts makes you feel loved, that does not mean you are superficial.  Someone who speaks this love language appreciates thoughtful, personal gifts, not necessarily dependent on price.
Quality Time --  Periods where you have complete attention. If quality time is your primary love language, you feel neglected without time spent specifically focused on each other.
Physical Touch --  Bodily contact between people. Not restricted to sexual intercourse or intimacy, this love language encompasses all kinds of touch, from hugs to kisses to cuddling.

When I tried to guess what JT's language was- I was wrong.  Don't do that.  I assumed he was an Acts of Service kind of guy with some Physical Touch in there.  Nope.  Turns out- he is a Physical Touch Guy (which explains the constant need to cuddle me - even when I am standing over hot oil at the stove freaking out that I am going to burn myself because he can't stop hugging and me! -- an "Ah Ha" moment in our house)  And he is also a Words of Affirmation Guy. (hence the blog post I am writing right now to eventually say how amazing he is!) 

Do you know why I guessed he was an Acts of Service Guy? (even though that did not even register on his quiz as something he appreciates) Because that seems to be a way that he expresses his love to me.  He is always doing something nice for me. (dishes, taking out garbage, changing diapers, giving me time away) But it isn't that he feels love that way- it is just that somewhere along the way- he has discovered that I feel loved through those small acts.  Yep, I am an Acts of Service Girl.  I love it when someone does something that is on my list of Things to Do.  I love it when someone goes out of their way to do something nice for me, or anyone.  (Like at our Church's Christmas Program-  I was sitting on the stand with the Choir so I was able to watch everything happening in the congregation.  I saw when my friend's baby started to fall apart crying.  She was sitting with her 3 small children towards the back of the chapel listening to her husband who was on the stand singing with the choir.  I knew she wanted to hear hear husband, but that her baby wanted to go out.  And she also had the two other children to take care of.  That's when I saw a friend of ours come up from behind and pick up her fussy baby girl and take her out in the hall so this friend could stay and listen. I totally cried watching it happen!  That is the kind of Acts of Service that I love!) whoa, that wasn't about my man, let's get back to Valentine's Day!

Anyways- I also happen to be the kinda girl who likes to Receive Gifts.  Although that surprised me initially, it shouldn't have.  Ever since I was a teenager the way to express love between my sisters and me was to bring a large fountain drink to each others houses.  Usually accompanied by their favorite little treat.  This meant the world to us.  (yes, we have a deep love for fountain drinks-- not bottles)  It was never expensive. Ok, sometimes my sister gave me the occasional super cute hot pink jacket that she picked up in Paris and I love and wear it all the time, or the mini bread pan that I always wanted, there were gifts like that too.  But usually, it was something that was small and said "I know you, and I love you"

So- here it is - Valentine's Day.  I was not expecting anything from JT because our budget has been really tight and knowing that fact- I have not expressed any gifts that I would like.  Then yesterday, Riley and JT came home from an afternoon together.  (where JT took Riley to work with him so that I could take a nap with the other kids-- yep, there is that Acts of Service I am talking about) I noticed Riley's hair looked really pretty.  It looked like it had been straightened with a straightening iron.  I asked if Daddy had straightened it (because he has been known to do it when I am not home) and she smiled and said no.  Suddenly- I realized where they had been.  I tried not to think about it.  (because I love surprises, and often guess them on accident) Then today, when I opened my V-day Gift- there it was- a new Curling Iron! 

Reasons why this is The Perfect Gift:
1) I do hair for Prom and some Weddings- and I have been borrowing a friend's iron because my 13 year old one is dying a slow and tragic death. (now I won't need to borrow)
2) I love hair and playing with hair :)
3) I did not expect it- he was surprising me!
4) It is practical (isn't that weird? I like gifts to be thoughtful yet practical.  Nothing stresses me out more than not having money and getting an impractical gift!)
5) It was from a guy who Feels Love through Words- and yet, knows to express love to me in thoughtful gifts and acts of kindness.

So tonight, when I am cooking dinner over a hot stove with a giant knife in one hand and a boiling pot in the other- I will stand still to kiss him - because that is what he needs.  And when he is bored at work and goes to check my blog- he will see that I wrote all of this to say- I love you, Jonathan Tyler.  You are my Best Friend.  Very Best Friend. You understand me better than I know myself!  You are the guy I married, and even better.  You make every day worth waking up for.  Sometimes I know I don't deserve you, but I will always try.  It makes sense that you would marry a girl who loves to blog, and write love notes on your mirror, and tell you everyday how much she loves you- you love words :) You are It, Valentine, and I will love you forever.

And tomorrow I will look extra hot with my new curls! 

p.s. Here is a one more pic of us from our fabulous vacation in December :) Yeah, ok, we don't have many of the two of us together to choose from!

1 comment:

  1. Yay for a new curling iron! And, of course, for your super sweet husband.